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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think this is really bloody cheeky?

188 replies

buckyou · 08/01/2017 08:26

We got in laws national trust membership for Christmas last year. This year the rest of the fam didn't do adult presents as we've lots of babies on the scene all of a sudden but MIL still wanted to. Fine.

So we got them something else this year, costing £180. Now MIL is demanding that we pay their NT membership again for them which is over £100! You know, joking, but not really joking.

They are minted and very generous at Christmas but it's mainly shit we don't need / want. I'd really rather not bother! We are not poor but have a baby on the way and could do without paying for someone else's national trust membership!

Would you pay it or accidentally forget?? I just think it's so cheeky!

OP posts:
user1480972938 · 09/01/2017 17:48

So you won't be expecting lots of free baby sitting and child minding then?

Seems a small price to pay when grandparents seem to do so much these days

Lulu49 · 09/01/2017 17:56

I would suggest they let u get a refund on the present you got them and then pay for the NT membership

rookiemere · 09/01/2017 18:05

If she mentions it again I would just jokily reply that as the boots and photo frame cost a lot more than the NT membership, you'll definitely be getting that for them next Christmas.

choli · 09/01/2017 18:15

Incidentally, I live in the country and have more than had my money's worth out of my Hunter wellies and Barbour jacket. I bought my wellies 12 years ago and they are now on their last legs. Time for new ones - I will buy the same again because I know they are worth it.

I wouldn't if I were you - the quality of Hunter boots has seriously deteriorated in recent years. I would never buy another pair now.

Inkymalinky · 09/01/2017 18:16

They are nice gifts OP. Don't give it any more thought.

squooz · 09/01/2017 18:21

£180 is a pretty bluddy decent christmas present IMO but then I think we are cheapskates with adult presents in our family ;-) No you shouldn't get the NT subscription on top - we get that as our whole family present from my dad each year and considerate it generous. I know the second year when we didn't realise he had done it as automatic yearly renewal we tried to renew it ourselves and cos he had paid for it we would have had to get a signature off him or something to pay for it ourselves - but that was a few years ago so may not be so complicated now. As you updated the hints from MIL were pretty clear about paying for it again and its not a case of them trying to pay for it themselves and having problems wih the admin. So yeah - in summary - just bluddy cheeky to expect it!

altiara · 09/01/2017 18:23

Livia good point, I read poor instead of not poor.

Was it a good gift was not the question.
Was it cheeky? Yes
Would I pay it? No
Will I bother buying presents in future? No

HappyFlappy · 09/01/2017 18:30

My wellies are Hunters.

They cost about 50- 60 quid a quarter of a century ago and are still looking good and leak-free.

Worth every penny!

Athome77 · 09/01/2017 18:30

Someone at work just said you can buy a New Zealand national trust membership for about £25, order online from U.K. and they send it to you, apparently it's let's you in all the same places as uk one. I haven't checked it out but will next year (I just got the uk annual one when he told me)

K00kie · 09/01/2017 18:43

I don't think it's bloody cheeky and YABU. Maybe it's just your MiL's way of letting you know that she (like yourself) would also rather not get presents she doesn't need, even (or especially) if they are expensive. Whereas a NT membership is something she uses - and it doesn't take up space either! If you're a 'glass half-full' person, treat it as your MiL complementing you on the great gift you gave her the year before.

It's nothing compared to my MiL, who last year before Christmas asked everyone over and over again not to give her presents, because it was far too much hassle and she really didn't need anything. When she didn't get any as requested, she got seriously offended and stopped talking to us for over two weeks.

Now we don't take anything she says seriously.

beargrass · 09/01/2017 18:59

I think you have to address this directly with her because if she's done a 'joke' about it, that sounds passive-aggressive and you have to just deal directly with those kinds of people. Nothing else works

HelenaGWells · 09/01/2017 19:18

I would just say "wow I didn't realise you used it to much. We got you the other gifts because we didn't know. If you want to keep it you could pay this year and then we will renew it for 2017's christmas gift!"

LadyLapsang · 09/01/2017 19:25

I'm not sure. You say they pay for villa every year so you and other family members can enjoy a holiday. Presumably they could be living it up in a 5 star hotel instead. Maybe they pay towards your flights and pay for the hire car too, perhaps they babysit so you can enjoy some couple time. While your gift sounded nice, they sound extremely generous. You say they are very wealthy but if your DH is wearing expensive wellingtons I'm thinking you probably have a pretty high income too. Perhaps she is thinking, I babysit, help out with childcare, will help out more when the new baby arrives, buy generous gifts etc. and yet when it comes to Christmas my DH receives a personal, thoughtful gift and I receive a 'house gift' that my DH will enjoy equally - I don't think my DIL has spent much time thinking about me.

YippieKayakOtherBuckets · 09/01/2017 19:26

Knowing how much Ariats cost, I'd guess that you spent about £120 on the boots and £60 on the frame. I appreciate your point about the time spent choosing the picture but from your MIL's POV I can see why it would be a bit hurtful. Yes, she's been passive aggressive, but she's letting you know that the NT membership was a genuinely joint, equal gift that they enjoyed. I like the birthday gift idea mentioned upthread.

Meanwhile, to the posters with 10yo+ Hunters - I echo the advice not to replace like with like. You will be shocked at the detoriation in quality.

ImperialBlether · 09/01/2017 19:26

The thing is that the photos are a present for both grandparents, aren't they, whereas only he will wear the wellies. It's as though you bought him a present and them a joint present, then nothing for her.

bcngran · 09/01/2017 19:27

How about donations to a charity for the adults' Christmas presents? There are (sadly) so many deserving causes. Of course get presents for children, but do grown ups really have to have stuff they don't need bought for them by other grown ups? And then calculations as to to how much it cost? All this cash could be far better spent where it would really do some good, surely?

Branleuse · 09/01/2017 19:29

tell her that youre glad she liked it so much, and youll get it for her again next year if thats what she'd like, and what a shame you didnt know in advance that they wanted it renewed or you would have done that instead of getting the more expensive present you got her

fruitbats · 09/01/2017 19:36

I wouldn't really like a photo frame with or without pics of my GC, but I would never say that. I don't have photo frames in my home. I have plenty of pics of my family and I also know what they look like without seeing pics. I am not a crap grandparent either.

I think it is a bit ungrateful of mil to ask for another present. Hope she was joking OP.

StrangeLookingParasite · 09/01/2017 19:47

No don't it pay it at all tell mil to fuck off in the nicest way possible the cheeky bitch.

How lovely you sound.

Most people would read the first comment as a touch of hyperbole, not intended to be repeated verbatim.

And I think the good wellies and silver photo frame sound like perfectly acceptable presents. She's being a bit cheeky asking for something else as well.

Also, I believe Le Chameau boots are supposed to be good. I'm not any kind of British, and I've heard of all the brands mentioned. Might be because I'm an old bag, though.

jayne1976 · 09/01/2017 19:55

Try acting suprised in that you thought they would want to see the same properties again, and say you wanted a thoughtful gift every year, and I trust you like what we bought this year. But NEXT YEAR, and in future years suggest you are happy to remove any though from the gift and pay their annual subscription if that is what they would prefer.

Notinmybackyard · 09/01/2017 20:12

I've joined the NZ National Trust in the past because I have a friend in Auckland and we spent a month visiting places when I was on holiday there. I continued to use it when I got home for the rest of the year. It does work out a lot cheaper and you can get also get a cheaper joint membership and a discount for being over 60 too. You don't get the National Trust book or car sticker but it's easy to look up NT info online or pick up leaflets when you visit a site. I visit Clivedon a lot and they have leaflets for most places there. No one has ever checked my car sticker either and I've visited hundreds of NT houses and gardens. As other people have advised it works out better to leave and rejoin in the UK as you often get 3 months extra free on the card or a free gift of binoculars or a NT bag.

thenovice · 09/01/2017 20:23

Don't dignify her comment with any other discussion. Ignore it but get her a membership each year from next year. It will save a lot of effort.

Deathstarevicki · 09/01/2017 20:31

I think it is very cheeky but i would speculate to accumulate. Like you said easy present from now on but i would only buy this from now on, nothing extra.

user1471462209 · 09/01/2017 20:35

They don't help with any childcare or babysitting. They've never had DD and she's 18mo. They do pay for this villa though but I don't really feel like it's an optional holiday!

Im just gonna let DH deal with it if she brings it up again. It's not like we totally can't afford it but I'd rather spend the money on the new baby or my daughter rather than them TBH.

Waltermittythesequel · 09/01/2017 22:14

How much were the wellies compared to the photo frame?