AIBU to think this is really bloody cheeky?

[buckyou]

We got in laws national trust membership for Christmas last year. This year the rest of the fam didn't do adult presents as we've lots of babies on the scene all of a sudden but MIL still wanted to. Fine.

So we got them something else this year, costing £180. Now MIL is demanding that we pay their NT membership again for them which is over £100! You know, joking, but not really joking.

They are minted and very generous at Christmas but it's mainly shit we don't need / want. I'd really rather not bother! We are not poor but have a baby on the way and could do without paying for someone else's national trust membership!

Would you pay it or accidentally forget?? I just think it's so cheeky!

While I don't think she she be asking for a further gift, it does sound from your description of your MIL as though she is the one who shops and chooses the (generous if unwanted) Christmas presents given to you and your family.

Yet you (both you and your husband) chose to give your MIL and FIL gifts of vastly different values and thoughtfulness. ie you chose a gift you knew your FIL specifically wanted while she got short changed with a, I am sure lovely, but the ultimately much cheaper and less thoughtful photo in a frame for a gift. (Less thoughtful because she had not intimated that is what she would like).

It sounds like she is hurt and a little pissed off - why did you chose to spend so much more on your FIL? If you couldn't match the amount for her and the discrepancy was obvious I think it was a bit mean to skimp on her gift and effectively make her subsidise your FIL's gift.

I think it more likely that she knows the cost of the wellies and that has made her hurt. Dad is worth x and I'm being shown I'm not. Possibly not her finest moment but I think I would be hurt in that situation too.

Because Hunters especially are very very well known and part of British culture. I'd compare that to not knowing Jimmy Choos were expensive in levels in levels of 'wellknownness'.

Odd that you bought your father in law something so expensive but only bought her a photo frame. Did his cost £160 and hers 20. Rather imbalanced.

It's also odd that they've had NT membership for a year and never mentioned that they really liked it though!

I'd have said that to them-'oh, you never mentioned that you used/liked the membership-what a shame! Well, that's next Xmas sorted!'

She can't expect you to pay for that on top of your existing present-unless genuinely she has no idea how much the wellies cost and thinks you were being cheap.

Well I've heard of Jimmy Choos but not Hunters and I'm very British. Perhaps it's only certain circles in which Hunters are well known. (I grew up in a city and have only started wearing wellies on a semi-regular basis in the last few years, for which my Matalan wellies do nicely.)

You can get lifetime membership BTW. Might work out cheaper if they're going to live for a long time!

Maybe that's it then. She feels like we've not spent enough or not spent enough on her. Although the photo frame did say sterling silver and that it was from John Lewis so pretty obvious it wasnt that cheap.

We are not really into pressents. We didn't get any other adult presents other than for MIL and FIL. Can't be arsed with it really! Maybe we should just insist on the no adult presents!!

I'm British, have lived in England all my life, and wellies (of any brand) have never registered as being part of my culture.

Maybe I spend too much time in urban environments?

Do the people who don't know Hunters also not know Barbour? I am intrigued now.

Oh well op I thought a frame with pictures of the grandkids was extremely thoughtful tbf. My DMs birthday is in march and was talking with DF yesterday and he said what he wanted to get her was one of those digital frame thingys that do a sort of slideshow and put lots of pics of dds (their GCs) in it, and that would be from him!

No, not heard of Barbour either. Is it a brand for wellies or something else?

Barbour make all sorts but most known for their jackets.

This is a tradition Barbour.

Sorry traditional.

I think the issue here is not really about the cost. It really is about the thought and maybe she feels you put thought into dad's gift by getting him something he'd expressed an wish for but very little into hers. A photo frame is something I'd give to someone like a just married couple or new parents, people who I don't particularly feel connected to or I'd give it in addition to another more personal gift. Obviously she's made the classic faux pas of expressing her disappointment with a gift instead of making the polite "ooh just what I always wanted" noises per good manners.At least she has made it clear how much she appreciated the NT membership so I'd take that on board and say you'll bear it in mind for next year.

I have heard of Barbour and Hunter as brands used by wanky people who like to think of themselves as the 'country set' but I wouldn't have a clue about the cost. But then I would be pretty gutted about having wellies for Christmas

I had to google Jimmy Choos.

And in these days of camera phones etc, a John Lewis frame with a picture of your children would seem a little lacking in thought.

They were Ariat wellies so not even as famous as hunters! They would have been aware that they cost more than a tenner though. They are not the kind of people who haven't heard of Barbour or hunter.

I am surprised people have not heard of hunters! I thought they were quite popular with towny folk nowadays.

So they aren't even a well known brand? Even more chance they would have thought you were being cheap.

£180 is a ludicrous amount to spend on two presents which probably look like they cost £20 all on.

Why didn't you spend the £100 on a NT membership (although that is a ludicrous amount too, at least it's going on something they want)

If they are remotely "countrified" they will have heard of Ariat-it's a really posh make.

I'd have just gone along with it and been like "Oh I didn't realise you enjoyed your NT subscription so much! You should have let us know sooner and we could have saved some money by renewing that instead of buying the other gifts! But while it's too late for the Christmas just gone, now we know we can renew it for Christmas in future, and you'll have to tell us about all your trips!"

Because FIL did really like the wellies because he'd been going on about how much he liked my husband's. They hadn't mentioned last year's gift until now.

They live in the country. We thought about getting MIL wellies too but she's not really an outdoor girl. I'm not really sure what else to get her TBH but we've obviously played the baby card too much now lol.

A gift is what it says and not an entitlement. So just ignore the NT thing as that's ridiculous.

Just tell them to remind you next year that if the NT card is their gift of choice to let you know.