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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think this is really bloody cheeky?

188 replies

buckyou · 08/01/2017 08:26

We got in laws national trust membership for Christmas last year. This year the rest of the fam didn't do adult presents as we've lots of babies on the scene all of a sudden but MIL still wanted to. Fine.

So we got them something else this year, costing £180. Now MIL is demanding that we pay their NT membership again for them which is over £100! You know, joking, but not really joking.

They are minted and very generous at Christmas but it's mainly shit we don't need / want. I'd really rather not bother! We are not poor but have a baby on the way and could do without paying for someone else's national trust membership!

Would you pay it or accidentally forget?? I just think it's so cheeky!

OP posts:
Original poster
buckyou · 08/01/2017 10:11

I suppose. No more pics of the babies!

OP posts:
TatianaLarina · 08/01/2017 10:12

You'd think. But it sounds as if she's valuing her gifts purely in monetary terms.

Or what she personally wants, rather than what you could reasonably be expected to know she wants.

NavyandWhite · 08/01/2017 10:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Isadora2007 · 08/01/2017 10:14

What don't you offer to buy the NT membership now but for their birthdays with just a token gift An does card on their actual days. Then you've sorted their birthdays forever more AND kept them sweet.

Result?

TatianaLarina · 08/01/2017 10:15

Contrary to Sarah, I think if you get the NT membership next year, it will be appreciated.

NavyandWhite · 08/01/2017 10:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TatianaLarina · 08/01/2017 10:18

I think you need to stand firm politely on this, otherwise the costs will escalate.

MIL's was so out of this world rude that I don't think you need to think you were in the wrong.

My 8 year old asked why Father Christmas didn't bring everything on her list. So I had to explain how presents worked, that you get a selection from your list, it's not a list of demands.

It's sounds like MIL needs a Father Christmas talk.

TatianaLarina · 08/01/2017 10:19

Women like analysing things.

It was a casual yet staggeringly rude remark.

SaucyJack · 08/01/2017 10:22

Well, at least you know what to get her next year now.

Home furnishings/ornaments are very hard to get right for someone who has an established home.

It's usually either something they've already got ten of, or something different that's not to their taste.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/01/2017 10:35

Sounds like my mother. Very comfortably off and difficult to buy for. Always bought expensive presents but never happy with the present. She's a narcissist and since I've got better boundaries through counselling, her behaviour has improved. I'd be inclined to do things like pay for the inlaws to come to the panto or come to see Santa and a token gift. I do a wall calendar of the family. It takes a couple of hours to do but it's a really nice present. That way you're including them and the present once used is used. Things my mother didn't like (only recent ones as I'd fill mumsnet): professional clay hand/footprint in oak frame from when dd was a few weeks old - apparently it didn't go with the house (despite having terracotta coloured tiles and oak doors), adopt a polar bear for a year (she's always banging on about how beautiful wild creatures are bla bla bla), large photo frame with several photos of dh and I and brother with his wife pre children (got put up finally out of sight in an alcove in the messy corner of the dining room) etc.

Personally I would never, ever buy a membership again. It's a means to control. That said, they take you away annually so perhaps you feel obliged. I feel less so these days as I see all of this as a means of control if not given freely. My mother has threatened promised to take us away a few times Xmas, cruises etc. When the time comes, no follow through and never bothers to inform me, just quietly forgets about it.

This year I did the calendar for her husband - he's in a home and gave her a dress. Which staggeringly, she liked!

diddl · 08/01/2017 10:35

Welll it does sound as if she would have liked the NT membership this year-maybe in preference to what she got though.

FIL might not be so bothered!

If they want it though they can just get it themselves-it's not that expensive.

EweAreHere · 08/01/2017 10:42

Ignore her.

Buy what you can afford and what you want to do, nothing more. Especially since your priorities are about to change in a major way - baby.

Your MIL is ridiculous

Cherrysoup · 08/01/2017 10:46

Tell her no this year, get the lifetime membership next year and say token gifts only, max £10 or whatever in future. She's being really bloody cheeky.

peroxidebrown · 08/01/2017 10:54

I'd tell her to get lost in a joking not joking way. Just don't do it.

HPandBaconSandwiches · 08/01/2017 10:55

To be honest, I suspect they thought your gift very generous last year and this year wondering why they've "only" been given wellies and a photo frame.
I have some lovely willies so I do understand the expense, but if I asked my dad how much wellies cost, he'd grieve at paying anything over £10 and would get a photo frame for less than that. So to him, it would seem a much less generous gift. He's well mannered though so would have simply thanked us.
Don't pay for it. I'd show MIL a catalogue with the same wellies brand for women and ask if she's sure she'd like NT membership next year or a similar pair. That way she'll understand how much you've spent, which seems to be important to her.

HPandBaconSandwiches · 08/01/2017 10:56

Wellies not willies Blush

TheTrollinator · 08/01/2017 11:02

It sounds like she was just joking thoughConfused

Also, why don't you just leave this to your DH they are his parents so he can deal with them. Let him decide. Problem solved.

happynewyearchum · 08/01/2017 11:05

But anyone would know that Le Chameau or Hunters were expensive. Assuming it was one of those or similar.

WicksEnd · 08/01/2017 11:17

Well you've given me an idea now for my DM & step dad.
Is the membership for a calendar year or does it roll from the date you purchase?

EineKleine · 08/01/2017 11:31

"I'm glad you liked it, now we know what to get you next year!" Definitely don't get it for this year now, but buy it next christmas and for the next few years. Easier for you and they'll be happy. But set the expectation now or they will buy and renew it themselves and you'll have to think up something else.

It might not hurt to get offended if she keeps on about it. I suspect she has no clue that you spent so much.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 08/01/2017 11:32

Wellies and a photo frame cost £180? Shock

Amummyatlast · 08/01/2017 11:33

Why would anyone know that Hunters etc were expensive? I had no idea that there were branded wellies.

Tbh, photos in a photo frame wouldn't particularly excite me as a gift, although I would say thank-you. Perhaps she was trying to let you know in a clumsy way that she would have preferred NT membership (as would I).

DailyFail1 · 08/01/2017 11:34

If this were my mil I'd do it but that's because although she hates me she's a really good gran to dd and is always helping us with things.

IWantATardis · 08/01/2017 11:35

But anyone would know that Le Chameau or Hunters were expensive

You're assuming that "anyone" is familiar with those brand names though. Those aren't brand names I'm familiar with, and I wouldn't know if their wellies sold for £5 or £5000 without looking them up.
Even the comment about thise brands being expensive doesn't make that much clearer to me because I have no context of what expensive for wellies is, for me to base a guess on.
OP's MIL may be just as ignorant as me when it comes to wellies brands.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 08/01/2017 11:37

Tbf I would have assumed that you had spent about £20 in total

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