AIBU to think this is really bloody cheeky?

[buckyou]

We got in laws national trust membership for Christmas last year. This year the rest of the fam didn't do adult presents as we've lots of babies on the scene all of a sudden but MIL still wanted to. Fine.

So we got them something else this year, costing £180. Now MIL is demanding that we pay their NT membership again for them which is over £100! You know, joking, but not really joking.

They are minted and very generous at Christmas but it's mainly shit we don't need / want. I'd really rather not bother! We are not poor but have a baby on the way and could do without paying for someone else's national trust membership!

Would you pay it or accidentally forget?? I just think it's so cheeky!

You said it right there "not sure what else to get her" so you defaulted to a photo frame. Really not that thoughtful was it then? Does your DH also not have a clue about what his mother likes doing or is interested in - cooking, reading, music, movies, tv shows, skydiving, civil war reenactments - or is it just you?

I just googled Ariat - do they have magical powers or something? I can't get my head around spending that much on wellies which presumably will get covered in mud/shit.

You forced me to google photo frames. The most expensive one John Lewis do is £220! I'm guessing you got one of the multi-frame ones at about 50 quid though - not the "silver" look at a tenner. Maybe next time you give them something that isn't obviously wickedly expensive, include the full (not gift) receipt by, er, mistake, just so they know you didn't pop to the local Timpsons for a foil-and-cardboard jobbie, or Asda for mass-produced synthetic rubber boots.

European, she says they don't need hobbies because they have each other. None of the family know what to get them but I think they like experience type stuff more. Which we know now but surely if you get a shit gift you don't just ask for another? Well she's not getting one anyway so will have to cope.

Person saying about wellies, if you wear wellies a lot and especially in winter it's worth investing in good ones to keep your feet warm etc. Plus it's just the same as any other clothes you don't always want to just have cheap shit.

I'd just come out and say it, I'm sorry I can't afford it this year, how about we have a gift limit as I'm having a baby.
I do, I can't afford to bankrupt myself at Christmas every year.

We have wellies that cost about £90.00. They are worn every day for dog walking and I've had mine for 12 years. They are neoprene lined so much warmer for feet and the rubber is much thicker than on a £10 pair.

I get that they need to be good quality but that's a lot of money to spend on a gift that he may not have actually wanted, same with the frame.

I always think that giving a frame with a picture is a bit like giving a lottery ticket - it's a completely thoughtless gift. And more fool you for spending a lot of money on a gift that she didn't want!

It is rude to ask for another gift but plenty of threads on here advocate it.

And just because FIL went on about your DH's wellies, doesn't mean that he wants a pair or that he wants them for Christmas!

It depends what you want from your wellies. I can walk 10 miles in mine. I can also drive and ride in them. And they have lasted so far 5 years of daily wear.

They don't have to be a "label". But spending a bit of money on wellies is a really good investment if you live in the country.

OP expensive wellies and a luxury photo frame are great presents in my opinion - the sort of thing you want to get nice versions of for yourself but can't justify the expense (well that's how it goes in my house) - so I'd be really happy with that!

If I'd given those presents to my PIL, they'd have been gratefully received and worn/used. Same with my own parents actually, my dad does a lot of gardening and needs decent wellies.

I think they're perfectly good choices as presents, but I think when you're spending this much it might be better to have a list, to avoid this year's debacle.

With my sister, we have agreed budgets so we don't have the embarrassment of a very large present swapped with a small one.

If ignoring is going to cause you more headaches and you want to appease without setting a precedent for spending loads on them at Christmas, maybe you could say you're going to buy it for them again this year but as an advance on both of their birthday gifts, and that you're pleased they enjoyed the membership so much so you'll stick to that for future christmases?

I bought my husband a pair of Hunter wellies and they didn't last very long but if you buy a brand for outdoor pursuits then the quality is usually good. The £300+ ones are usually made from leather so can't really be compared to rubber ones.

YANBU, OP.

Incidentally, I live in the country and have more than had my money's worth out of my Hunter wellies and Barbour jacket. I bought my wellies 12 years ago and they are now on their last legs. Time for new ones - I will buy the same again because I know they are worth it.

Just be truthful.

"The wellies cost £X and the frame cost £Y, we don't have another £180 spare for your NT membership".

Fecking cheek of them.

I'm sorry, but I'm really not into presents myself, and I'd still be cheesed at a photo frame with a picture in it, which would just sit on a side board. Especially when these days most photos are just a print out from a printer. Also, myself and my husband would then be able to enjoy the photo, when my husband would be able to enjoy exclusive use of his practical gift.

Didn't they know the Rule Of Unsuitable Gifts? You smile and thank the giver and any other response is just really rude.
For what it'a worth, MrZippy has at various times (and all at once occasionally) been a farmer, fisherman and builder. Because of this I know that not all wellies are created equal and having quality boots is very important. I once had a very expensive pair, made especially for the fatter of leg, which I bought in a fetching polka dot design to avoid theft (the Mr and I take the same size wellies).My plan failed, the wellies were nicked and he just coloured in the dots with a marker pen.
I also don't see the problem with a framed photo of your children. But it isn't the gift that's the problem here, it's the attitude of at least one of the recipients.

I had some Huntress wellies years ago-worst pair I've ever owned!

I can see how FIL's gift seemed more thoughtful & perhaps it's that that hurt.

Luckily they/she can afford NT memebership if so wished.

Christmas is over! You'd have to be very rude to request another present. Plus it doesn't matter whether your presents cost £180 or £18. You've already spent what you can afford.
Any other comments, say you'll keep that in mind for next Christmas or you should get that, you can afford it.
If she's very obnoxious, you could get DH to say you both spent a lot of time and money selecting their presents and it's good etiquette to say thank you for all gifts, not to say I want more (especially from a poor family with a baby to feed).

Spending £180 does not imply a 'poor' family! Fair enough don't spend that amount of money but don't make out you are on the breadline if you have that amount of money to spaff on two presents!

I agree that it would have been better form for them to do polite thank yous.

But, the wellies were clearly only a present to him. The photo frame, unless you expect her to lock it up somewhere, is clearly a present to the pair of them. So what was her present?

I never said we were poor, I said we weren't poor! They are millions in the bank type wealthy. We have decent jobs but big mortgage etc. So are normally a bit skint. Not sure any of that really matters though.

That was to altiara who described you as a 'poor family with a baby to feed'

If they're that wealthy, it makes the comment even more unappropriate.

It was the OP's MIL who wanted to carry on buying Christmas gifts so she should be grateful for the generous gifts received.