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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think this is really bloody cheeky?

188 replies

buckyou · 08/01/2017 08:26

We got in laws national trust membership for Christmas last year. This year the rest of the fam didn't do adult presents as we've lots of babies on the scene all of a sudden but MIL still wanted to. Fine.

So we got them something else this year, costing £180. Now MIL is demanding that we pay their NT membership again for them which is over £100! You know, joking, but not really joking.

They are minted and very generous at Christmas but it's mainly shit we don't need / want. I'd really rather not bother! We are not poor but have a baby on the way and could do without paying for someone else's national trust membership!

Would you pay it or accidentally forget?? I just think it's so cheeky!

OP posts:
donquixotedelamancha · 08/01/2017 09:01

I wouldn't buy another gift; but if they like it so much, I'd get it again next year. Scottish NT membership is half the price of English, for the same thing (both allow access to whole UK).

Original poster
buckyou · 08/01/2017 09:03

Apparently they've used it loads but there was no mention of this beforehand or we'd have just got them that to start with.

We got FIL some posh wellies, he'd worn DH's and really liked them. So he seems to be living his present. MIL got a silver photo frame with pics and them and the grandkids in it.. Which she seems less impressed with. They are hard to buy for!

OP posts:
IWantATardis · 08/01/2017 09:03

If you hadn't already bought them a present, and this was in the context of "this is what we'd like for Christmas ", then yes, I probably would get them the NT membership, if it was within budget.

But. You've already bought them a present. A generous one by the sounds of it.

So I agree with pp, if it comes up again, say the NT membership was last year's present, you've (obviously) got them something else this year, can't afford NT membership on top of the other present, but for next Christmas, would they prefer their present to be NT membership?

tooclosetocall · 08/01/2017 09:07

Maybe we could just suck it up this year and then that's all they get ever again!!

Ever again? You don't really believe this do you Hmm. Perhaps this is why MIL thinks she can get their membership fee out of you.

Accidentally forget and laugh it off.

As MIL is making a point of it, why not do a group present for your IL membership next year, from all the family.

BalloonSlayer · 08/01/2017 09:08

Did wellies and the photo frame cost £180?! Shock

KitKat1985 · 08/01/2017 09:10

I wouldn't buy it again, otherwise they are going to expect you to pay this every year.

blueskyinmarch · 08/01/2017 09:10

I suspect she was telling you that she liked that gift better than this years gift. You should have just said that you will get that for them again next year as they enjoyed it but this year they need to pay for their own.

Fluffycloudland77 · 08/01/2017 09:11

Posh wellies & a frame can easily cost £180.

I'd stand firm. Tell her to join the national heritage of new zealend & she'll be able to use it in the uk for £40.

Cheeky woman.

Original poster
buckyou · 08/01/2017 09:14

Yeah the wellies were the main expense. But we had to get those ones or they wouldn't have been like DH's which were the ones he liked. I wonder if they think they were cheaper than they were.

So MIL was a bit short changed but we did spend quite a lot of time picking / editing the pics.. So much for it being the thought that counts!

OP posts:
Shockers · 08/01/2017 09:19

My wellies cost £300 Balloon.

I love 'em!

MrsSthe3rd · 08/01/2017 09:20

You should not purchase the NT membership as well!!!

Just because you're not poor does not mean you should spend so much money year after year. We spend about £50 on Mum's and less on men, unless they're into something in particular, which they're generally not. It works for us.

I think YWBU to buy it, tbh.

elodie2000 · 08/01/2017 09:20

If she brings it up again just tell her that you didn't realise they liked it so much and that you'll renew it as a joint B'day present.

Justme3 · 08/01/2017 09:21

Have just checked because i was excited about Scottish NT being cheaper.
It's only half price if your paying for seniors. That's not an option for the English one you just have to buy adult tickets . Scotland is cheaper but only a little bit - 85 a year for family ticket by direct debit (going up to 95 the following year) as opposed to 111 for the English one. Cheaper but not half :(

BalloonSlayer · 08/01/2017 09:26

Really?

Perhaps they don't realise how much the things you bought cost.

If one year I got a present costing £100 and the next year got a pair of wellies and a picture frame I would assume you'd spent £20 . . . Obviously, as you say, it's the thought that counts though.

diddl · 08/01/2017 09:27

They've already had their present(s)-why would you even consider getting more?

You know MIL can insist that she does presents, not that you do!

You can say no more & stick to it!

Adults spending £100s on others & getting the same back always seems daft to me tbh.

Christmassnake · 08/01/2017 09:29

Sounds like she buys to recive...

RhiWrites · 08/01/2017 09:32

Just say "glad you liked last year's gift so much. Good to know for next year."

chocolateworshipper · 08/01/2017 09:35

If you renew it this year, you will be setting the expectation that you do it every year

If you are happy with the cost, why not say "well obviously it's too late for this year as we've already given you your presents, but we'd be happy to do that for your Christmas present next year"

then they can pay for renewal this year, but you will never again have to worry about what to get them for Christmas!

SEsofty · 08/01/2017 09:45

Maybe she felt you got fil a personal thoughtful gift and her a more, for them both and the house present rather than something for her.

Forget about it and get my membership in future or just say no grown up presents.

As an aside does she have many people who buy her presents? Eg she gets lots of things she thinks are thoughtful for lots of people but only one or two buy her something which is a photo of themselves.

I think she might actually have been upset/hurt by the present and not know how to say it

Original poster
buckyou · 08/01/2017 09:46

Ok. We'll not get it this year but get it in future years. I guess if we got them that and the other gifts they would expect that every year!

I don't want to come across as tight becasue they are generous. They've started paying for a villa every year for the whole family to go to which is really nice.. But doesn't mean to say we have hundreds spare to buy them presents!

OP posts:
TatianaLarina · 08/01/2017 09:49

I think it would have been better to spend roughly the same on both if you weren't giving a joint present, and I can see why she felt short-changed with a photo frame. However these thoughts should be private!

Her comment was astonishingly rude.

I would say politely but firmly that you're glad last year's present was a hit and you will repeat it next year.

TatianaLarina · 08/01/2017 09:51

Xpost - if you don't have lots of money to spend on presents they can either bring their budget in line with yours, or accept they have more money to spend on you with a good grace.

Original poster
buckyou · 08/01/2017 09:54

Why would she be hurt by a gift of a picture of her and her grandchildren though? Surely that's more personal than NT membership, which only really has monetary value?

This is why it would be easier not to bother with adult lifts lol.

OP posts:
NavyandWhite · 08/01/2017 10:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SarahOoo · 08/01/2017 10:10

If you buy it then you officially turn into a pushover and your in laws may remember that and it won't be good for you.

As they are your in laws then your partner should speak to them about it and state they should have mentioned it beforehand as you would have got that for them instead.

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