To Hate people who constantly faff.

[1980sChick]

I hate being in the presence of them, sadly my dp is 1.

I was upstairs cleaning the bedroom and changing beds when he popped up to inform me that he and ds were getting hungry and what did I have in mind for tea... because that's obviously my domain. I said if he went and cut the chicken up with a bit of veg we could have pasta bake.

That was 5 o clock, it's been 45 minutes. I expected the pasta bake to be in the oven by now but no, instead I'm greeted with dp who has nearly every bowl we own out in front of him ( when he cooks it's like he's doing his own cooking segment on tv with all the bits in the bowls). He has taken to sharpening the knives instead of using them and is now finding the perfect song for his cooking experience andwhen I comment that he's taking too long, I'm the unreasonable 1.

It's like this with everything, this morning his mum called round and we had no tea bags, he said he'd pop out to get some, he disappeared upstairs for a shower 1st then ironed a outfit, spent 10 mins on his hair then appeared downstairs to ask which brand to get, his mum had left 30 mins before he came down.

How on earth do you live with people who faff, there's no sense of urgency at all with him and it drives me mad!

[Blizy]

I'm currently waiting downstairs with two year old ds both in jackets ready to go out, dh is getting dressed bloody man decided to clean his drawers out, clothes everywhere and he's dicking about in his pants!
No point in going out now as we need to be back at 4pm

[RortyCrankle]

YANBU at all. I hate faffers. Went on holiday once with a friend who turned out to be an undercover faffer. Didn't realise the level of her fafferness until on the first day it took us until midday to get out of the cottage! The rest of the holiday I spent pacing up and down getting more and more irritated until on the last day I could stand it no more and left the cottage at 8am for a day on my own. First and last holiday with that friend ugh.

[Rachel0Greep]

Friend I was with asked "Did she say she was in the car, or about to leave the house?" If it was the former, she'd put the oven on, if the latter, nothing is starting til she actually shows up.

In that case I think I would just go ahead and have the food ready for the time planned originally. Let the faffer catch up on arrival.

[Trills]

We had wine and crisps, don't worry, we weren't starving.

Undercover faffers are definitely part of the reason there are so many more men listed on the thread - it's possible that many of the women you know are also faffers but you'd only know it if you lived with them.

[RaspberryOverloadTheFirst]

What annoys me about my DH is he is a selective faffer. He is inevitably late for work/family events/social functions/flights/trains but is never, ever late for important client meetings/gigs or golf tee off times.

The faffers who can manage to get it right in other areas of life are, IMO arseholes saying their time is more important than yours. It's disrespectful of them to treat you so badly.

Those who also faff at work, elsewhere, etc, may just have a problem, but I still think there's an element of the "my time is more important than yours" going on.

I don't think the answer is to become more controlling of time, etc but to just be more sensible.

[KitKat1985]

Some of you may remember that I posted earlier that me, DH and our 2 DDs were going out today. Had lunch in a café. DD2 (8 weeks) needed a nappy change. DH kindly offered to go it. He took FIFTEEN minutes. How?!?

[SpaceTheFinalFrontier]

I used to get lifts home from work with a colleague who faffed so much, it was fucking UNREAL. The journey should have taken 7 minutes max, but ohhh nooo....before we even got in the car, she'd already spent that time fannying around in her locker, getting a drink from the vending machine, going for a piss, and then dramatically saying goodbye to everyone as if she would never see them again, ever, because we were all about to die in some freak accident.

When we finally got on the road, she'd stop at the Spar, eat whatever she'd bought in the car, and then we were off again....to the fucking post office/butcher/candlestick maker.

When she FINALLY dropped me off, I'd say thankyou and goodbye, and she would "suddenly" remember something urgent she needed to tell me about. It was usually something about half price breaded haddock in Asda, or other assorted drivel.

I actually got home one day and cried.

[1hamwich4]

I agree that faffery is by no means an exclusively male preserve, but blokes do seem to have a talent for epic and ill-timed shits. What's that all about, eh?

[FurryLittleTwerp]

The number of wasted hours over the years depresses me frankly. So many weekend days out rushed because of DH's faffing till mid-afternoon, so many holiday activities rushed &/or missed, so many DIY jobs left for months & months & then done at night or in the dark

We are invariably the last into breakfast in every hotel we stay in & never manage to get out & about till after midday. It is such a breath of fresh air to go away for weekends with my non-faffy friends - we get so much done!

If I go out alone as I can't bear to wait any longer then major huffage ensues & still nothing changes.

I think it's a control thing - he doesn't miss planes or trains so he can bloody well get organised - out like a shot the other day to rescue BIL with a flat tyre - no faffing at all, on the case like Superman , it's just stuff that impacts on me / us

[HappyFlappy]

He always has to have a poo just before we leave the house

Yes Blinky. What is this with men?

DH will be pacing up and down the house shouting to me
"We only have five minutes."
"Are you ready yet?"
"Come on - we haven't got all day."

And similar - and then when I am ready (in time, I might add) he will decide he wants to have a poo. And that is 30 minutes minimum. ( And then it will take another 10 minutes to put his shoes on, because he couldn't have done that while I was getting "tarted" could he?)

But blokes and lavatories . . . there's a whole psychology project there.

[PinkSwimGoggles]

but blokes do seem to have a talent for epic and ill-timed shits. What's that all about, eh?

'pissing' up their territory?

[1980schick]

I agree that faffery is by no means an exclusively male preserve, but blokes do seem to have a talent for epic and ill-timed shits. What's that all about, eh?

Not just the shits, why cant they be satisfied (as someone else said upthread) with a plain old ham and cheese butty like me and ds, why does it always have to include heston blumenthall type skills to create the sandwich from the gods, which they spend 3 hours of the day conjuring up and then wave it in your face, delighted with how delicious it is, and ask if youve ever had 1... no i havent dickhead, cos im too busy doing everything else ound here, stick a mop up my arse and ill mop the floor on my way out to pick up ds from school!

"D"p has today remembered some very important work to be done for tomorrow (hes been off for 2 weeks) the lord faffer has actually just come close to having a breakdown over not being able to lay out his work, he got up from the table muttering about which subjects he had to fit in, then literally did a little circuit of the rug in front of me and wandered off to the table again, saying how much work he has to do. Ii told him to write a list to see what he had to do, then put that in order... and whats he doing now.

watching fucking whitney houston videos on youtube

[Mermaid36]

The bloody epic/luxury shits!! That take 30mins or more!!

I have said to DH that if he is actively shitting for a full 30mins 2 or 3 times a day, maybe he should go to the Dr's...

[1980schick]

hes just gone for another one.

I dont get them at all, ds will wander into the bathroom when i'm in there and sit quite happily talking to me about what his latest dream he had was etc. I ask him sometimes why doesnt he follow daddy to the toilet, cos its boring he said.

well yes, sitting on the bathmat watching a grown man poo for 30 odd minutes, would be very boring.

[FlyMeToTheSpoon]

These stories are giving me the rage. My exDP was a faffer. When cooking he had to do everything perfectly, it took hours, and yes, it tasted nice, but it's no fun to eat a roast dinner at 10.30pm and then go straight to bed.

He also did the 45 minute shits. Why do men linger over pooing? Surely most people just go in, do their business and then come out again? Not sit there savouring the experience.

[AmberNectarine]

I married one. Things like after a shower (which I'll have to tell him to get into 12 or so times) he has to 'dry off'. This does not involve rubbing himself briskly with a towel as one might imagine. Oh no, 'drying off' in DH's vernacular is climbing back into bed wrapped in towels and dicking about on his phone for 20 minutes.

Another thing he does, which makes me want to beat him to death with a tin of beans, is when unpacking shopping, to put each item onto the kitchen worktop. He will then put them into their proper places. Why the fucking pointless middle phase? Why not put the pasta straight into the cupboard and the milk straight into the fridge? What is the fucking point of that?

Pretty much every time he goes out to the car to head off somewhere, I wait for the inevitable knock on the door because the hopeless dildo hasn't remembered he needs keys to drive the car.

He also washes up before stacking the dishwasher. Yes, he washes the dishes THEN PUTS THEM IN THE DISHWASHER.

[purpleladybird]

My ex-H was a faffer and this thread has reminded me how little I miss him. Thank you. I feel all of your pain. I never found a cure for either the faffing or my intolerance of it. He was once an hour late to meet me because he was buying a watch. Oh the irony.

[HappyFlappy]

purpleladybird

[purpleladybird]

I should add that my 'new' DP is the complete opposite of a faffer. I have never in my life seen someone complete everyday tasks so quickly. The problem is, he now thinks I'm a faffer because I pause for breath occasionally.

It's been so long I had forgotten how infuriating it is living with/around faffers. Ex-H was from a long line of faffers. A day trip with MIL would involve arriving at her house at the pre-arranged time to find her not dressed. She would usher you in and offer you a drink, breakfast, a look at something or other. All the time distracting herself from the task of getting her shit together, putting some clothes on and getting out. I would turn down all offers of sustenance thinking it would speed up the process but it didn't. She'd ask why I don't want a drink. "Because I want to go shopping/to the zoo/cinema as planned not spend my morning watching you look for a hair grip."

Funnily enough 'new' MIL isn't a faffer either, she is normally stood in the hallway with her coat on before I've even embarked on the journey to her house. It must be hereditary.

[BathshebaDarkstone]

DD's the faffer here. 30 minutes to set up her toys before actually playing in the bath, 45 minutes to build, test and finally play a level of Geometry Dash before bed.

[Majestic1]

@MadHattersWineParty

I once broke up with a boyfriend who was late to meet me outside the theatre because he was 'making a playlist' for the 'journey'. Twenty-five fucking minutes on the tube. We missed the start of the play because I'd stupidly let him order the tickets so I couldn't go in without him, and when he got there he was eating a bloody sandwich from Pret because he hadn't had time to get anything to eat so had gone there first!!

My heart used to sink when he said he'd make breakfast for me, even toast and coffee took about half an hour.

Fafffers drive me insane. DP has a mild case but I can usually speed him up with a 'look'.

I sympathise.

At least he made u breakfast...

[malificent7]

Zombie alert but perhaps this thread should be resurrected!