To Hate people who constantly faff.

[1980sChick]

I hate being in the presence of them, sadly my dp is 1.

I was upstairs cleaning the bedroom and changing beds when he popped up to inform me that he and ds were getting hungry and what did I have in mind for tea... because that's obviously my domain. I said if he went and cut the chicken up with a bit of veg we could have pasta bake.

That was 5 o clock, it's been 45 minutes. I expected the pasta bake to be in the oven by now but no, instead I'm greeted with dp who has nearly every bowl we own out in front of him ( when he cooks it's like he's doing his own cooking segment on tv with all the bits in the bowls). He has taken to sharpening the knives instead of using them and is now finding the perfect song for his cooking experience andwhen I comment that he's taking too long, I'm the unreasonable 1.

It's like this with everything, this morning his mum called round and we had no tea bags, he said he'd pop out to get some, he disappeared upstairs for a shower 1st then ironed a outfit, spent 10 mins on his hair then appeared downstairs to ask which brand to get, his mum had left 30 mins before he came down.

How on earth do you live with people who faff, there's no sense of urgency at all with him and it drives me mad!

[CondensedMilkSarnies]

Another one ( I'm obviously surrounded by faffers ). My exMIL offered to wash my kitchen floor. Lovely I think. But oh no ! She asks if I have any spare material and old tights and could I get my sewing machine out . When I asked why she said she wanted to make a padded cushion to kneel on while cleaning the floor !!

[CondensedMilkSarnies]

[Roystonv]

I have one, 30th wedding anniversary coming up and lived with him before that. Every day I have tried to train him with little success and we run our own business together, you can imagine that at times I want to rip his head off! Retiring soon and he wants to help more with cooking (think I will have to remove self from house whilst this is going on) and build a greenhouse (not a kit). Help me.

[FeralBeryl]

I want to weep tears of joy that others share my agony of living with a fucking faffer.
I may start a specific support group for us LWAFF?
It's so random though - he can wash up but not wipe the worktop because he's prioritised refolding the tea towels and tidying. DM thinks it's hilarious and refers to it as his 'knife drawer stuff' as in, he's off rearranging the cutlery drawer if she can't see him.
I'm not going to list all of his faffs-I may turn over and suffocate him with a pillow if I dwell on them.

[Penfold007]

Faffing aka deliberate incompetence the PA art of letting you know exactly how important they and their time is and exactly how unimportant you and your time is. Those who enable faffers end up doing all the drudge work.

[CakesRUs]

You're describing my husband to a t. He cannot multitask to save his life. He's very organised and methodical, his job needs him to be too, he's always helped with the kids and home but boy he's a faffer but it gets done properly, just takes an age. He says this himself though.

[Strawclutching]

When people said 'wait till you have children it takes hours to leave the house' they laughed when I explained I already have a dh that takes hours to leave a house.

If we go on holiday I am always sitting outside in the car for at least 15 minutes with 2 children while he faffs about inside. (I've got them packed, dressed etc).

My in laws are worse. There can be hours from deciding to go for a walk to actually stepping outside. This includes getting changed and several changes of footwear. They literally wear about 4 different outfits a day for different activities. It's madness I tell you.

[HopelesslydevotedtoGu]

Dh invites an old uni friend and his wife to dinner, then faffs all afternoon and doesn't go to the supermarket to buy the ingredients, let alone start cooking (we live 2 mins walk from supermarket). I am literally begging him to buy them as I really don't want to be left alone with his guests.

He faffs for ages - tidying up something that can wait, checking his recipe, fixing a drink - saying that they will be late as "nobody ever arrives on time for dinner". No dh, you never arrive on time for dinner.

His guests arrive bang on time. Dh is shocked, can't believe it. Says hello then immediately goes to supermarket. I'm left making awkward small talk. Guests are clearly put out. Nice people but really quiet, so conversation is stilted. Also quite proper, so I'm sure they think that DH is being rude.

He comes home and spends ages getting dips out and pouring drinks. Eventually starts cooking. Realises he has forgotten something and goes back to supermarket. Try not to laugh/ cry at guest's expression when I explain where dh has gone. Painful stilted conversation whilst he is out.

Watching him cook is painful as he is so slow. Whenever he talks to guests he stops what he is doing completely, he can't seem to chop/ stir whilst talking, so I am trying to keep the conversation going without dh joining in.

They had arrived at 8 and dh serves food at 10pm, " wow, hasn't time flown!". We wolf the food down. As soon as they have finished eating the guests have to leave to get their train home!

[daquee101]

I actually find it incredibly disrespectful that DP constantly makes me late for family event s/stuff important to me and DS , even hospital appointments for DS. I can get myself and DS ready in the time it takes him to just have his fucking vape (Cant manage to do get out of bed without having a little vapey) , and that includes me washing both of us. DS is 14 months!

Thinking of making him late for work (as it's the only thing he has a regular time schedule for) but don't want him losing his job but I'd like him to realise how annoying it is for me. Absolutely hate it.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

It's my job to pack the cases including getting all of dhs, dds and my stuff together for holidays, feed dd, make sure I have all of my pills and potions (chronically ill), check and lock all of the doors and windows, turn the heating down, etc etc. It's dhs job to collect the passport, tickets and camera - and he does manage to pack his wash bag. We've arrived on holiday minus the camera and when I've spat chips at this, he gets cross because he can't bloody think of everything - too fucking right, that should be changed to he can't think of anything. Half the time he forgets the passports. Cue 90/100mph sprints back on the motorway. And of course we NEVER EVER use the short cut through the motorway service station, which comes out really near our house and cuts 15 mins off the journey time. And we've NEVER been stopped by the police for speeding in France trying to get to our flight. Hmmm. I now ensure we leave VERY EARLY. Yeh for phone cameras btw, one less thing for me him to think about!

I now have to pack his work stuff for business trips because once he forgot to take any trousers for a one week trip and ended up having to buy a couple of pairs.

He is a big faffer, takes ages for a shower. I can shower, wash and dry my hair, put cream on get dressed and he may have just got out. Takes him an hour to wash up and clear the sides down when it would only take me 15 mins.

Then of course when we are going anywhere, I'm running round frantically getting everything ready and he's standing waiting. I'm taking too long. But ask him to do something like fill dds water bottle, you have to ask 3 times because he doesn't understand. Then walks at a snails pace. Ditto if you ask him to go and get something quickly. The fact that I've fed dd, walked the dog, got everything ready, cleared up, forced him out of bed, put some washing on etc and he's just sorted himself out really does escape him.

And don't let me get started on his father. Now he drives even my dh insane. I've taken to treating him like a child. Giving him half hour warnings that we are going out, 10 min warnings etc. He has to be told 15 mins before we eat so that he can go and fetch his pills. If we are going out, when he's finally ready and we are really late, he then needs the toilet. And decides to go and leave the fucking window open. So I have to run upstairs and close it - the stress of having to check everything behind him. And making breakfast takes him forever. He only has toast, butter and a coffee. And just why can't he shut the kitchen cupboards when he's got his cup or plate out?

Before becoming ill and having dd, dh and I used to have much more contact with dhs family and go to parties and weddings in France etc. I would finally say at 3 am it's time to leave and it would take another hour and a half to leave. They're French so you individually have to faire la bise to 60 people and chat to them. Otherwise that would be rude. And that takes fucking hours. Because of course it's not at all rude to stop people from leaving when they're exhausted and have to drive oh no no no. It took me years to work out I needed to plan that hour and a half in advance because the concept of being held hostage like that was so alien to me.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

daquee

Just seen your post. I have to get dh out of bed for work. He's 49.

[Gooseberryfools]

Holidays. I relate to doing all the packing and loading for my self and 4 kids. DH just gets himself ready.

When going out together at weekends I've taken a huge step back so that he has to step up.

DH also struggles to leave anywhere and it's always down to me to say it's late, the kids need to go to bed. However recently I've started asking him to set the alarm so that he can take responsibility.

[Gooseberryfools]

I have started letting DH reap any repercussions of his faffiness instead of saving him. I think it's the only way he will improve.

So if he doesn't bother to take gloves for the kids, his walk with them is very short because of cold fingers.

If he faffs and forgets water, he has to buy it (which he hates)

I think a lot could be resolved by preparing bags the night before but he's not up for it

[karigan]

DH and I went out during the holidays with some friends. Our friend (who was babysitting) turned up an hour before our DD went to bed and whilst he was chatting with DH and playing with DD I got changed, got my coat, car keys and boots out and left them by the front door. I put my phone on quick-charge and made sure I had enough money. Then I got my DD changed, did her bedtime routine with her and upon coming back downstairs put my coat and shoes on, grabbed my phone and was ready to walk out the door. (3 mins after DD was in bed)
Dh then says (from his laptop in the living room) ..... "where are my shoes?" And commences 10 minutes of looking for them. Once he'd found them "where is my wallet?" And more searching. 30 fucking minutes later we left the house. He knew what time we were leaving at; why on earth did he leave it until the second we were meant to be leaving the house to start organising himself? It drives me mental.

[Oysterbabe]

My DH is a faffer and it annoys the piss out of me. I've adapted over the years, I no longer stand up when he says he's ready to go because I know he means that he still needs to put in his lenses, clean his teeth, decide which shirt to wear, find his keys, wallet and phone.
We tag team going running at the weekend because of having DD to watch. I always go first or I wouldn't get out before midday. Between him announcing he's going for a run and actually going it's an hour minimum.

[Mermaid36]

I can get myself and my ex-prem, on home oxygen, breastfed twins ready (breastfed, actual breakfast, cleaned up, nappies, dressed, travel oxygen, car seats) in the time it takes DH to do a luxury shit and put some pants on.

By the time he is ready, they need feeding again and he then whines about how long it takes us to get out of the house (which I do every fucking day on my own during the week with less faff)

Even now I can hear him watching YouTube videos on the loo whilst I'm feeding the girls (who are dressed and ready to go out should he decide to put some clothes on)

and breathe...

[YokoUhOh]

DH isn't too bad but I do t know how he managed to reach adulthood because MIL faffs for Britain.

She put a few plates of party food out when we stayed there last week; DS2 is 7 months and I managed to (a) wait a bit (fruitlessly) for food to arrive (b) bath him when I got sick of waiting (c) dress him (d) give him some boob and (e) wait a bit fucking more while she sprinkled cress over the ham rolls I reckon we waited an hour for a few Pringles on a plate and a couple of sarnies.

It drives me fucking mad.

[MerylPeril]

DH is also a faffer. He learnt it from his mum who was Olympic standard.

She taught him to wash up, spend hours rearranging the plates etc before you start. Then run the tap for a long time until the water is boiling, fill sink.
Then leave to cool down to acceptable temperature- usually too cold and have to top up? Maybe repeat.

Watched MIL spent AN HOUR washing a single tomato once, nearly jumped out of the window.

Going to bed would take 90 minutes minimum- saying 'I'm going to bed' was just the start. They didn't understand that I would actually just go to bed?

DH packs for holidays on the day if not physically threatened.

[lacktoastandtolerance]

Mummyoflittledragon

You don't have to get him out of bed so he goes to work, it's just that you do, so he doesn't bother worrying about it.

[YokoUhOh]

[MerylPeril]

[SquatBetty]

I have found my people

I too am married to a faffer - just a few examples are:

Unable to leave a social occasion without saying goodbye to everyone for a good 30 minutes

When cooking dinner, DH uses a startling amount of pots and pans, finally brings dinner in but then disappears into the kitchen to stack dishwasher and start it while dinner rapidly cools. I learnt very early on in our relationship to just start eating and leave him to his faffing.

If I cook dinner I bring it in and again start eating mine straight away while DH goes to the kitchen to get a drink, then to get a couple more condiments etc etc

When we had our new born DS he'd wake in the night for a feed and I'd ask DH to get a fresh bottle of formula if necessary but instead of making up the bottle and bringing it back immediately to our now screaming baby, he'd faff about in the kitchen emptying the dishwasher before he'd come back up.

If we are going on holiday without fail DH will leave his packing until the night before (sometimes the morning of) even though the holiday's been booked for months and I've made sure all the clothes we need to take are washed and dried and ready to be packed. He also sorts out memory cards at 11pm at night (as he takes billions of photos because again he fucking faffs about when using his camera!) when we need to be up at 5 pm to get to the airport.

And don't get me started on the times he's made us late for stuff although he is now much better as I've had strong words with him and pointed out it is seriously fucking rude to arrive late for something you've been asked to arrive at a specific time for. But really I shouldn't be pointing this out to a grown man should I?

[ChuckSnowballs]

I add a faff factor onto everything in our house. And I don't say 'we have to leave by 9' I say 'I am leaving at 9 if you aren't ready then tough'.

A couple of years back we had all our windows redone, we live in an 1880s house and are the only ones left with the original glass in the sash windows so we had them resealed and then painted. The painter was a faffer of the highest order. Would spend an hour just doing one teeny tiny area. He drove me bananas. We had to spend a fair amount of the winter unable to close the windows as they had to dry but if we put a heater on they would dry enough to be closed around midnight. If he had thought it through and done the downstairs once first each day, rather than last, I wouldn't have had to put together a system to stop them from being opened by random passers by due to them still being too wet to close.

Drove me to distraction.

[dudsville]

My oh is one. I learned about it when we were dating. We were in a rush to get somewhere but hadn't had breakfast so he went to cook while I showered. He'd made a course breakfast and it added a couple of hours to the morning. It's who he is (ane the breakfast was fabulous!) so I've simply worked to help him understand time so that when he says to me "5 min" I need him to understand what I hear and what expectations that raises in me. It's hard for him to grasp but I know him well so have come to manage it pretty well!