To Hate people who constantly faff.

[1980sChick]

I hate being in the presence of them, sadly my dp is 1.

I was upstairs cleaning the bedroom and changing beds when he popped up to inform me that he and ds were getting hungry and what did I have in mind for tea... because that's obviously my domain. I said if he went and cut the chicken up with a bit of veg we could have pasta bake.

That was 5 o clock, it's been 45 minutes. I expected the pasta bake to be in the oven by now but no, instead I'm greeted with dp who has nearly every bowl we own out in front of him ( when he cooks it's like he's doing his own cooking segment on tv with all the bits in the bowls). He has taken to sharpening the knives instead of using them and is now finding the perfect song for his cooking experience andwhen I comment that he's taking too long, I'm the unreasonable 1.

It's like this with everything, this morning his mum called round and we had no tea bags, he said he'd pop out to get some, he disappeared upstairs for a shower 1st then ironed a outfit, spent 10 mins on his hair then appeared downstairs to ask which brand to get, his mum had left 30 mins before he came down.

How on earth do you live with people who faff, there's no sense of urgency at all with him and it drives me mad!

My DH is the biggest faffer going. On the odd occasion he washes the dishes (by hand; we're paupers and don't own a dishwasher) he takes 10x longer than I do. On one occasion I was playing with DS in living room, DH decided to wash the dishes. 30 mins of water running, banging, clattering, I go in the kitchen to speak to him. He hasn't washed ONE DISH. "WTAF have you been doing all this time?!"
His response "prepping the dishes for washing"

If we're due to go out, I get myself and DC ready, ask DH if he's good to go. "Yes" he says. Cue 45 mins of hair faffing, changing clothes, deciding which shoes to wear. And looking for the car keys because he NEVER puts them where they're easy to find.

I am stressed reading these. I will provide an alibi if required.

ekefox I'm with you there, 4 days slow labour, he leaves me in hospital to nip home to get a change of clothes.

Only on his way he decided to nip to Asda to get some under bed storage boxes to store away some bits and pieces he couldn't fit in his chest of drawers.

My DH is exactly the same! Drives me insane! I don't actually let him do any jobs around the house at all anymore because it will take him all day to do what I can do in 5 minutes! And I can easily get myself showered, dressed and both DC ready to go out in the time it takes him to shower. I get my DD to nag him now. That helps a tiny bit, but he'll never really change.

Have you stole my DP?!
Really hoping you have

A former colleague was the Queen of faffers. We had to meet at one of our clients premises one day, as some practicality or other caused us to arrive separately.

She must have taken 10 minutes from arriving to actually getting out of her car. Fuck knows what she was doing, probably of the checking FB, putting sat nav away, checking make up, sorting handbag variety. In the end I got fed up waiting and went inside to announce our arrival.

Another time we were travelling to a meeting together and had 15-20 minutes spare and approaching a McDonalds, she said 'do we have time for a quick coffee' and I thought we did, not realising that she needed a good half hour or more to have a quick coffee in McDonalds. After about 25 minutes of being in there and her having hardly touched her coffee, I had to start chivvying her along, as we were now going to be late for arriving at the clients office.

Actually faffers will be useful when the zombie apocalypse happens, they'll slow the zombies down giving us non-faffers more time to escape.

Non-faffer: (nearly finished packing the car with DC and essentials)
Faffer: "hmm, I think I'll put the kettle on, actually where's the cafetière? Now let's see which shoes will I need? Should I pack one or two pairs of dress shoe?"
Non-faffer: now a tiny dot in the distance...

An Amy Winehouse tribute band if you please

Sorry but that's really tickled me!

Here, we have the seemingly endless cycle of coffee, fag, toilet, fag etc before we do anything.

My dh can be a bit of a faffer sometimes, he has no sense of urgency, if we're running late he won't pick up the pace to make back time but what really gets me is that as soon as he's finished faffing I am left with approximately 3 minutes to get washed, dressed, hair and makeup before he says 'I'm going to get dd in her car seat' or 'I'll bring the car closer to the house' so I end up feeling flustered and pushed for time!

My DH faffs to the nth degree - today he decided to wash the cars after lunch - excellent you might think but he sat with his laptop on the loo from half one till it was very nearly dark & has just finished now.

This means he will not be ready for dinner at 8pm, as he will need to sit on the loo again & hasn't yet had a shower today - aaaaaarrrrgghhhhh

My husband is like this! He accepted voluntary redundancy before Christmas and this week has been the first week that he has been home while I've been at work and he doesn't seem to have actually achieved anything in a day

He's always like this - will decide to do something him urgent when we need to leave to be somewhere. He leaves it until the last minute to get ready to leave the house.

He also starts jobs and then gets distracted by something so we end up with several jobs started but none actually finished - drives me mad

I work with someone who gaffs all the time really gets on my fucking nerves I call her driving miss daisy always fuck up people's breaks and lunches cos she gaffs about going on hers

Meant faffs not gaffs

Oh God mine does this too,he is amazing but it's the one thing I HATE about him! Especially as I'm very 'time efficient'. Will take him 2 hours to cook a simple dinner. He has to go for a vape or faff on his phone for half an hour before doing anything, ever. He will never start to get ready or get moving for anything unless I tell him to. His mum also makes 20 minutes to make one cup of tea, then it's cold when she gives it to you. It makes me murderously frustrated.

This thread is turning me into Stressed Eric. I'm now having flashbacks to my ex. We went to watch a film once, sat there through the adverts and trailers and then, just as the film certificate appeared on screen, suddenly decided he needed a cigarette and "would have plenty of time because it would only be ages of credits" before the film started. He came back 20 minutes later (with a load of food he'd queued for after the fag) and then moaned the film was crap and didn't make sense. IT DIDNT MAKE SENSE BECAUSE YOU MISSED THE FIRST 20 MINUTES IN WHICH ALL THE FACTS WERE ESTABLISHED YOU UTTER TOOL.

commences deep breathing exercises

Just reading these is giving me the rage.
Current DP is not too bad but ex-DP was a HORRIFIC faffer. Awful. It'd take him 30 minutes of doing nothing to get ready to go out and then once he'd decide it was actually time to go out, he'd start hissing and tutting at me for being too slow - despite the fact that I had done everything he had in easily a quarter of the time - plus make up.

He was always astounded at how much stuff I could get done when I set my mind to it - it'd take him hours just to plan out how he was going to do anything, let alone actually get any of it done.

Reminds me a bit of Rimmer in Red Dwarf in the books where he spends several weeks meticulously making his revision timetable, only to have used all the time making the fecking thing.

I can't read anymore of this fucking thread than your OP as I am so cross. My
DH is like this. Drives me fucking mental. Is actually causing us problems now. I feel like the only adult in the family.

Sending you strength OP😡😡😡😡

He ironed an outfit to run down the shop in?!

Hilarious! I love how his dm gave up and left as well. Your house sounds like a comedy sitcom.

rentandbills
We had a maths teacher in secondary who would write the schedule if the lesson on the blackboard - minute by minute. By the time he wrote it out he had gone past the starting time and we would say we were confused by the timings do he would have to alter the timings by which time.....

He lasted a term. We made his life miserable

I come from a generation of faffers. My grandma was one and so is my mum. Drives. Me. Crazy.

leaving the house with DM and 1 year old DS. DS cranky as been made to wear hat/gloves/every layer known to man because grandma is there

DM (who had coat and shoes on): Oh I just need to hang out washing/empty the dishwasher/ strip the bed/ insert other annoying pointless time consuming job here.

I have learnt to smile sweetly and send knowing looks to my df who has given up caring about it. But it gives me the raaaaage.

If it wasn't my life I'd find it like a comedy too, but sadly he is all too real.

My dad and my ds are like me, takes minimal effort, time to get ready so last years holiday with my dad was a sight to behold, my dads never met anyone who doesn't jump out of bed at 8 am and be ready for the days excursions 😂😅.

Most days it was me, dad and ds going on bus excursions whilst dp got up late and faffed over which song to play to produce the most effective shit!

I can't decide whether dp is a faffer or just fucking annoying.

Today we both got up late as we were out last night. He was up before me (90 minutes before me) but had had his breakfast, fed the cats and was watching TV.

I came down and put a load of washing on, washed a mountain of dishes from last night and this morning and put the kettle on. He asked me to make him a coffee. I then put washing in the drier, put another load in, chivied DD2 into bringing school uniform and PE kit down and put that next to the machine to go in next.

By 1pm he was moaning that we were wasting the day and needed to DO something. I had done 3 loads of washing, tidied, washed up and was dressed. He had had breakfast and was in his dressing gown.

It can take him a fucking age to do stuff but mainly because he feels the need to plan it and then go to the shops to buy something essential to do the job and then come back and make a fuss over how much work he's doing. I just mop the fucking floor and it's done.

What annoys me about my DH is he is a selective faffer. He is inevitably late for work/family events/social functions/flights/trains but is never, ever late for important client meetings/gigs or golf tee off times.

We are heading for 30 years married soon but ending this thread makes me wonder if we'll make it!!

Mine is a faffer - but so am I. We're an unreliable combination!

My DH is exactly the same! One Valentine's Day he decided to cook us a romantic dinner (which I had bought) of steak and chips. He started the process at 8pm and it was ready 2 hours later. Just steak and chips, no extras.