Fucking bullies!!

[mrsC4]

Posted in WWYD but figured I would get quicker answers here because I'm so stressed out and need help.

First of all I'd like to start by saying teenage girls at my dds school take bitching to a whole new level and in recent months my DD has been well involved in it and I've nipped it in the bud and removed her devices if necessary.
However DD has become the target of the 'queen bee' and her group (whom she was friends with) and every one of them has alienated her because of the queen bee except one girl.
After having to remove her from school on Friday due to the god awful atmosphere at school (none of it physical but still) and the girl who's stood by her also went home it turns out that her friend has now been told to distance herself from my DD. Leaving her with nobody.
I fully hold my hands up when my DD is a shit and involved in things but the other parents don't seem to think their previous offspring are in the wrong. Even a screenshot from a message stating 'well it's about fifty of us to two of you so go figure' is apparently none of the schools business because it was outside of school hours.
There is a lot more to this story but since the whole fallout started I have checked my dds social media and seen the argument unfolding and in this scenario she isn't the instigator and even blocking didn't seem to have made a difference.
We live in close knit area where we are considered outsiders and it's fairly obvious now that all the families will just stick together - One Mum who I was friendly with has made it painfully clear that she is not interested as long as it's not her daughter being picked on.
School have apparently read this girls the riot act but given that the hostile behaviour in classrooms wasn't picked up on by teaching staff, I really don't know what else to do. I feel that by sending her back would be throwing her to the lions.
An acquaintance has told me that this group have said it's my DD who they dislike and that if the other girl wasn't friends with her they'd leave her alone! I don't have proof but even if I did these messages have been sent out of school so would seemingly mean nothing!

Please do let us know how you get on tomorrow

Please stick with DD feels - DD thinks - Etc

I know the pain of having a child in this situation - it's really hard to hold back your anger (I get it) BUT if you go in business like knowing your rights (see complaints procedure - most teachers don't know it exists or what it says) then you can catch them out on their failing to protect

Use the words safeguarding - duty of care - reasonable adjustments - etc

Wrote a list and take it with you - take a note pad and make notes - really puts the wind up -

Ask them to repeat back anything you 'misheard'

'So DD did X?' Can you elaborate?

Ask that your DD should not be spoken to without adult representation (again this should be in the complaints procedure)

Ask that you receive a daily update - or indeed a call for every incident

Ask if DD can have a safe place to go and a hall pass

Ask that she has a mentor in school - who will log and record all incidents -

Ask for X in writing prior to a return to school - even if she isn't going back

Ash for her work to be forwarded daily

I'm not even communicating with them by phone, in fact I'm going to ask them for everything that was said last week to be reiterated to me via email tomorrow

And I've just been looking for their anti bullying policy on their website - it says page not found!

It will say - what bullying is - then it will say we don't tolerate it - then it will refer to the behavior policy - not worth the paper it's written on -

Have you found the complaints procedure? They have to respond in writing in 5 days -

I've not got massively far today due to a staffing problem at work but I managed to get my hands on the bullying policy. Nowhere does it say bullying out of school by other students so the victim doesn't want to attend school is a problem for the police!

If you were assisted by your boss for example down the pub - it's not going to be comfortable in the office is it? So therefor by nature becomes an office issue

www.gov.uk/government/publications/school-complaints-procedures

www.gov.uk/complain-about-school/state-schools

www.gov.uk/bullying-at-school

Schools and the law

By law, all state (not private) schools must have a behaviour policy in place that includes measures to prevent all forms of bullying among pupils

This policy is decided by the school. All teachers, pupils and parents must be told what it is.

I've just read through this thread.

I can't believe that girls at 16 are doing this, it's very juvenile, smacks to me more of the behaviour of 13 year olds (horrendous at 13 though too).

I hate to say it as I don't think you should have to do this but as the problem is so great and involves so many, plus the issue with DD being treated as an outsider, I think I would home school her.

This would likely blow over, eventually, if she is strong enough to go in and ignore but I wouldn't be able to and I can't imagine any other 16 year old would either. They will move on and leave her alone, I also suspect that some of the group will splinter and try to rebuild their friendship with her.

It doesn't matter what DD had done, this group-leading mentality is controlling and concerning. Access to Social media has taken bullying and passive bullying to a stratospheric level and it's awful.

I really feel for you both and hope to goodness this gets sorted and soon. Your DD WILL be ok, I know it's hard for you both to see that but she will.

It sounds to me like you have a very wise head on your shoulders and are handling this brilliantly. She must feel really blessed to have you as a mum and on her side.

DD is having a break from her phone. Three times tonight it's rang in my bedroom (on silent) from a withheld number. I answered it the final time to laughter. Horrid little bitches now I'm going to have to fork out for a number change 😡😡😡

Stay calm.

Thinking of you MrsC4.

I'm actually infuriated with the fact that the little cowards don't have the balls to say anything. I can narrow it down to a select few because they seemed to know who answered and only the ones who've been to my home know my voice!

MrsC4 that is so sad. How awful.

What's the long term plan, anything yet? I must go to bed. But am thinking of your family. And wishing you well.

It's wrong of them and it is bullying, she must feel rubbish. Hope this resolves itself soon.

I'm not really getting anywhere with school TBH, they've said they will sort out work for her and I've heard nothing yet

mrsc I just wanted to say that I am having similar issues with my dd yr 10 who is 15 next week.
Much of what you have described which has now resulted in two hideous verbal and physical attacks in town by friends of these girls who my dd doesn't even know (they had to ask which one she was)
Dd has been dealing with this for two terms now and is currently off school as too anxious to go in as on Saturday she was abused and hit with a tray in mcds which was filmed and plastered all over social media.
Police involved.
She cannot face school, she is low, tearful and extremely anxious and I have made it clear to the school that she will not be back untill they can keep her safe and she feels stronger.
You totally have my sympathy.
Some of the initial responses on this thread from clueless people who have obviously never experienced this, made me realise why this type of thing still goes on and why bullying is not the tabboo that it should be.

Lesley I am so sorry, that sounds horrendous.

That's truely awful! I feel so sorry for these kids and we could do so much more -

I do wonder what the parents of these girls really believe their daughters are capable of ... and what they do about it.

Wonder if it comes as a shock to them when there's a knock at the door??

Glad the police are involved - I joe you get it sorted

Apparently everything is peachy at school now my DD isn't present that's what the anonymous caller has just said to me!
I've logged these phone calls with the police but lets be honest it's not going to be a priority for them is it so my DD will have to do without a phone until I can afford to change the number 😡

Sorry, I just got the rage about a third of the way down this page and skipped the rest. I am so angry at the people saying it will tougher this poor girl up and she was also a bully.

This isn't just normal falling out of friends, this is fifty some girls not only ostracising her but making it impossible for anyone else to be friends without getting the same treatment.

I got a lower grade of this treatment all through secondary school, though I was fortunate enough to have two or three friends who braved it out and stayed by me. It was still horrible. And yes it taught me some good things, but at what a cost. One of the things I know is that I could well have been a bully, if I had not been bullied myself, but that does not make me a more deserving victim.

Op does she have an I phone because if you google it there are ways to block with held numbers.
atenco I was angry about that too.
That attitude has been taken towards my daughter who now has mental health problems as a direct result of being bullied.

The school is utterly shit op. They are hopelessly failing in relation to safeguarding. Failing safeguarding is an automatic OFSTED 4.

That said I would avoid deregistering her, firstly because I'd want her to sit her exams and secondly because they need to be held to account. But I can see why you would.

Is there another school she can go to instead? If it's a small school she is unlikely to be doing lots of obscure subjects anyway.

am so angry at the people saying it will tougher this poor girl up

Yes, I think it's unlikely to have that effect....!