Fucking bullies!!

[mrsC4]

Posted in WWYD but figured I would get quicker answers here because I'm so stressed out and need help.

First of all I'd like to start by saying teenage girls at my dds school take bitching to a whole new level and in recent months my DD has been well involved in it and I've nipped it in the bud and removed her devices if necessary.
However DD has become the target of the 'queen bee' and her group (whom she was friends with) and every one of them has alienated her because of the queen bee except one girl.
After having to remove her from school on Friday due to the god awful atmosphere at school (none of it physical but still) and the girl who's stood by her also went home it turns out that her friend has now been told to distance herself from my DD. Leaving her with nobody.
I fully hold my hands up when my DD is a shit and involved in things but the other parents don't seem to think their previous offspring are in the wrong. Even a screenshot from a message stating 'well it's about fifty of us to two of you so go figure' is apparently none of the schools business because it was outside of school hours.
There is a lot more to this story but since the whole fallout started I have checked my dds social media and seen the argument unfolding and in this scenario she isn't the instigator and even blocking didn't seem to have made a difference.
We live in close knit area where we are considered outsiders and it's fairly obvious now that all the families will just stick together - One Mum who I was friendly with has made it painfully clear that she is not interested as long as it's not her daughter being picked on.
School have apparently read this girls the riot act but given that the hostile behaviour in classrooms wasn't picked up on by teaching staff, I really don't know what else to do. I feel that by sending her back would be throwing her to the lions.
An acquaintance has told me that this group have said it's my DD who they dislike and that if the other girl wasn't friends with her they'd leave her alone! I don't have proof but even if I did these messages have been sent out of school so would seemingly mean nothing!

I'm going to have to 🙄 but I don't have proof as such. The last one was a tag on a social media page - it came up on the iPad lock screen. As soon as I went online to screenshot it the tag was removed. They were obviously sat there waiting because it was less than three minutes between the tag appearing and me going on to check. I'll be more careful and screen shot the lock screen next time. The one before that were friend requests on FB which I have screen shotted but then the requests were cancelled so disappeared. It's fucking pathetic

Thinking of you MrsC4. And your lovely, previous daughter.

The police can access FB's servers and recover all of that. Go and report it.

I have been on the end of mass bullying - it's horrible and soul destroying. Keep your DD away, but hold the school's feet to the fire. They are failing her and the next girl after her. If nothing else your complaint will mess up their ofsted report, so make sure it goes on record.

There are plenty of ways to teach your DD resilience - forcing her to go back is not one of them.

Can you delete her FB for a while? I think you can "hibernate it" if you want. This whole thing is so unhealthy and unpleasant for you all.

I can totally believe teachers not spotting what was going on. Girls can be incredibly sly and devious and can make another girl's life a true hell. They have a particularly cruel way of treating others at times.

Can you report these messages that are appearing on FB to FB?

Didn't they improve their anti-bullying policies in the past few years to make it easier to report posts that are perceived to be bullying in nature?

Also, report the nuisance phone calls to the regulator. Get the companies that are providing service to these bullies to stop providing service to them. Report their numbers.

Hi MrsC4,
my daughter went through similar issues in year 9. It continued for 6 months, gradually building momentum. I had a hands off approach at first, taking the advice to let her sort it out herself ( she begged me not to go into school). Eventually I went in, the outcome of the meeting was a change in class. The problems resolved almost immediately.
Is there any possibility your daughter could go to another school, or is there no alternative. Even going for a trial day could help her confidence, and give her some control back
My daughter also attended some drama classes outside school which focused on confidence building. I think this also helped.
My daughter is 16 now and has changed school for Sixth Form, she is quite settled and happy. Their confidence is so fragile, sometimes it is heartbreaking.