Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Original poster

AIBU to be befuddled by friends of mine who still go clubbing?

218 replies

user1477282676 · 05/01/2017 11:24

And I mean clubbing...with glitter on their faces, drugs in their pockets...or bras...or wherever they keep them?

These are the same age as me...early 40s...we were part of the "rave scene" and when we were 19 or so spent our lives waiting for the weekend when we could go to one of the many Manchester or Liverpool clubs, get off our heads and dance all night and part of the morning too.

How the feck have they got the energy? Or the desire? They post about their Ibiza plans on FB and put pics of last year's escapades too...isn't it a bit sad?

Or am I a miserable old cow? I suppose if they love it then all good...but the drugs! They've got kids! These are professional people too...teachers and the like.

OP posts:

lalaloopyhead · 05/01/2017 13:08

I think I am amazed that people have the energy for this, though the drugs probably help at the time! I still go out and jump around at gigs etc on occasion (I'm 44) in a way that would no doubt embarrass my children but it takes me days to get over a late night - which I now class as anything past midnight! Long gone are my days of getting a lift home with the milkman.

ageingrunner · 05/01/2017 13:12

I went clubbing at Christmas and did drugs too. Judge away if you wish. I'm 40. I was older than a lot of people there, and younger than a lot of people there. It was the kind of night that attracts a good age range.
I don't think there's anything shameful about being or looking older than 35, but somehow we as a society seems to think there is.

StarlingMurderation · 05/01/2017 13:12

I don't judge it as sad but I have no idea where they get their energy. I have a toddler and even though he usually sleeps pretty well, I can barely keep my eyes open past 9.30pm. Mind you, I never loved clubbing even as a teenager - I used to go evey weekend but secretly I'd have prefered to be reading a book in bed. Sometimes at uni I'd slip away soon after we arrived at the club to go home and read and eat crisps in bed. Probably you'd have thought me very sad then, OP!

downwardfacingdog · 05/01/2017 13:14

Yabu. However I haven't been clubbing since 2005 and this thread is really making want to go...

mylittlephoney · 05/01/2017 13:22

Never got the rave scene always prefered live bands. still do. I'm 39 and still go to see bands,festivals ect. Behave in a way my dad wouldn't approve of so Fuck it. If they get their jollys this way then why the hell not. If they do drugs then so be it. I drink. Sometimes smoke. Eat stuff I shouldn't. I don't do drugs but it's their choice to gamble. We live in such a harsh time with uncertainty everywhere. I'm all for getting some fun in. Only I bring my ds to mine.

TheNaze73 · 05/01/2017 13:28

YABVU.

I was part of the scene in the late 80's/early 90's & had the time of my life.

Would I want to do it now? No but, some of my friends still do. I think you sound a bit judgy.

Bear2014 · 05/01/2017 13:31

Different strokes for different folks. I don't have the energy for it anymore but if I did I might be tempted. I do know people who still go out a lot.

I think it's worse to host a playdate and be on the white wine than to send your kids away for the weekend, take a bit of MDMA and go dancing. Alcohol is way more damaging IMO.

stoopido · 05/01/2017 13:34

I have friends who still do this. I don't think it is sad. They look happy! I am in my late 30's and I'm still up for most things, life is for living so do what makes you happy I say!

Madcats · 05/01/2017 13:35

I'm thinking of the Absolutely Fabulous episodes when Saffy was a teenager and Edina and Patsy staggered home/got ready to go out.

I have friends in mid 40's who seem to plan their life around Glasto

Horses for courses and it is fun to have friends with varied interests.

shovetheholly · 05/01/2017 13:36

I feel the opposite way.

I'm in my late 30s, and childless (infertility ). I'm more and more aware of a barrage of advertising that basically suggests to me that my entire life is over. In particular, there are a whole host of car adverts that hint that the most exciting thing that might happen to me now might be that I get a bit muddy in a field some time - and that, indeed, this would be a kind of catharsis of awesome proportions. The level of uptightness in these ads, in short, is unbelievable.

I don't feel like my life is over. I actually feel like I've had a rough time in my 30s but life is now looking up. I feel like I'm hitting my stride and finding out I could do a whole load of things I never believed I could. Middle age doesn't feel debilitating or responsible - it feels like a time where I can do things that I simply didn't have the confidence for earlier in my life. I don't think this is just being footloose and childfree either - I have friends who are parents who feel the same, who are the same. They have generally chosen to live well within their means (e.g. in cheaper areas) in order to have time to follow their passions, whatever those are. They're not materially wealthy, but they're wealthy in time and talent.

I find it sad whenever there is a drinking or clubbing or general fun thread that so many posters pile in with judgmental comments. Yes, you can have fun without having booze, drugs or late nights - I'm not suggesting everyone should be hammered every night - but the attitude sometimes seems to be that it's kind of wrong or irresponsible to let go, even a little bit, even occasionally. I am sure that's right for some people, but I don't think it necessarily has to be that way, you know?

OhhBetty · 05/01/2017 13:42

I still go to raves, my son isn't there and won't be until I'm recovered. But that's because I hate clubs, you can't walk to the bar or whatever without being felt up. Im 26 btw and have a 2 year old. I've been to one rave since becoming pregnant/having him.
I hope you judge parents who drink to excess the same, especially the ones looking after their kids with hangovers.
Parents are still people. As long as it isn't around the kids or affecting them then does it matter?

ISaySteadyOn · 05/01/2017 13:42

Will go back and rtft in a minute, but OP, YA wonderful for using the word 'befuddled'

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 05/01/2017 13:44

meh, let them be. I cant be arsed either though , spend all day listening to "old skool classics- Hacienda mix" in you tube tho!!!

XiCi · 05/01/2017 13:45

I think if you were part of the rave scene, that stays with you and you'll always enjoy the music so why not go clubbing and be with like minded people? Alot of the clubs hold reunion nights specifically for that age group so it's not like your going to stick out like a sore thumb as a 40 yr old, and even if you did, who cares? I remember meeting people in their 50s in Cream in the early 90s. Noone batted an eyelid

My mum and dad are in their 70s. They love rock and roll music. That was their time, their thing. They go out to a club jiving every week. Shall I tell them to grow the fuck up and stay at home with their sudoku?

piddleypower · 05/01/2017 13:47

YABU. Good on them I say. I would go to Ibiza clubbing tomorrow given half a chance. I am 48. Unfortunately all my friends are too boring sensible.

EggnoggAndMulledWine · 05/01/2017 13:48

I went to Ibiza for the first time last year at thirty with my husband and had an amazing time and going back this year. I had my kids young so when I'm forty my eldest will be twenty, then fifteen and thirteen. So not like I will have sleepless nights and little kids to deal with.

Don't know if I will do it then. Maybe. I still go to festivals but only for one day now and don't actually go to clubs.

EggnoggAndMulledWine · 05/01/2017 13:48

My last paragraph didn't post, everyone is different. That's what makes life interesting. If we were all the same it would make for a very boring life.

Whathaveilost · 05/01/2017 13:53

I work with a few women who are in their late 40s and early. 50s who are massively into the club scene. They do drink a lot but not there for the pull or the drugs. They go away on holidays based around clubbing and blow £100s on nights out.
Do I think it's sad? Nah, it's not my cup of char but they have a brilliant time, dance all night and have great fun. They don't pretend to be something they are nor either.

Crack on, I say, life's too bloody short not to do what makes you happy!

RogueStar01 · 05/01/2017 14:05

i think it's good that people worry less about what's 'appropriate' for their age these days, I'm all for public displays of silliness, we could use more of them. i would've disapproved of the drug use at any age, that's a different issue for me.

buzzpopprince · 05/01/2017 14:06

Each to their own OP.

Live and Let Live...

and every other cliche about life being very short, we must each do what brings us joy and happiness without harming others imho

I have friends that say you get old when you stop dancing :)

TinklyLittleLaugh · 05/01/2017 14:06

I did a lot of clubbing, until I was 30 and started having my kids. I dunno, I think I got it out of my system really. I mean I like a party, I like a dance, I like gigs, but the idea of clubbing does not appeal at all now.

To be honest, most of the people I know who still go clubbing are either permanently single or cheater types, so that has probably coloured my view. Plus my eldest kids are early twenties and as keen on clubbing as DH and I were, so it kind of feels like their thing now. And I know they regard much older people in their bars and clubs as a bit sad.

I dunno, I have mates who go to Northern Soul reunion nights. It's kind of in the past isn't it? Move on maybe.

MsRinky · 05/01/2017 14:14

I'm more of a live music and festivals person than a clubber. I don't feel remotely judged by the young people at the events I go to (although I'm never the oldest by a long way), but I do get quite a bit of disapproval from people my own age who do think I should have grown out of that sort of thing. Just because they only enjoyed (or pretended to enjoy) dancing in a field for a couple of years, they seem to think that everyone else should hand in their cards at the same time.

No-one would expect you to give up reading or playing the piano in your 40s, just because you also did those things as a teenager and so have been "at the same thing" for 25 years, so I don't know why some other enjoyable pastimes are considered to have an automatic cut-off date.

I do think it's a bit sad when you meet someone who hasn't tried anything new for years. I do a much broader range of stuff now than I did when I was younger, but that doesn't mean a great gig is any less fun, only now I do opera instead. Oh, and I've paid off my mortgage, so I can afford to go out more now.

Lorelei76 · 05/01/2017 14:17

Tante "I also go to music festivals and dance all day."

please don't let me be the only person who immediately launched into singing "Starry Eyed Surprise" after reading this.

Raisen - I dunno, I know one guy like that, as long as he's happy I don't judge. You mention unfulfilling jobs - yes, I gave up on finding a fulfilling one years ago because mortgage paid and early retirement is priority. Sometimes being an adult involves making those choices - whether you are out clubbing at the weekend or live for the weekend because you don't have to go to work.

I could be totally wrong, but I have a feeling if the OP had friends who had been doing something like drama or tennis as a hobby and were still doing it 20 years later, she wouldn't think it was pathetic.

SnipSnipMrBurgess · 05/01/2017 14:19

I dont do drugs, never have, but I love going to clubs and dancing like a fool.

You sound a bit green with jealousy OP.

Sallystyle · 05/01/2017 14:23

I am befuddled by people who go clubbing in their 30's and over as well.

I don't even know why really. I know it doesn't matter but it's how I feel. The nightclubs in my area are seedy, horrible men trying to grope people and the last time I went there was a woman sitting on a man in the corner having sex. That was just disgusting.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9