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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be befuddled by friends of mine who still go clubbing?

218 replies

user1477282676 · 05/01/2017 11:24

And I mean clubbing...with glitter on their faces, drugs in their pockets...or bras...or wherever they keep them?

These are the same age as me...early 40s...we were part of the "rave scene" and when we were 19 or so spent our lives waiting for the weekend when we could go to one of the many Manchester or Liverpool clubs, get off our heads and dance all night and part of the morning too.

How the feck have they got the energy? Or the desire? They post about their Ibiza plans on FB and put pics of last year's escapades too...isn't it a bit sad?

Or am I a miserable old cow? I suppose if they love it then all good...but the drugs! They've got kids! These are professional people too...teachers and the like.

OP posts:
Laiste · 05/01/2017 11:48

People are younger for longer these days aren't they? 40s is the new 30s i guess.

I mean my mum is in her late 70s now, but seems to have been 'old' for years and years. I see photos of her from the 1970s when she was only mid 30s and she looks 50 odd.

Lorelei76 · 05/01/2017 11:49

PS I am a very low energy introverted person and I used to like clubbing so they always ask me - I don't want to go but I almost feel sad that I don't have their energy. I'd have liked to be the person who was still clubbing in their 40s tbh but I'm more likely to be at home with my Pete Tong CD!!

Lindy2 · 05/01/2017 11:51

I used to like clubbing in my 20s but no way would I go in my 40s. If I do have the energy to go out I'd much rather go for a nice meal.
40 somethings clubbing is quite a sad sight to me, especially the drugs.

sianihedgehog · 05/01/2017 11:52

I've got loads of similar aged mates who are still into music and dancing. Perhaps it would help if you phrased it like that?

TheStoic · 05/01/2017 11:53

I'm almost 40, and would still do this if any of my friends were interested in coming with me. Grin

Sans drugs, though.

KylieJo · 05/01/2017 11:53

Well, if they like it that much .... I mean, why not? Not my cup of tea, but I wouldn't judge them.

wigglesrock · 05/01/2017 11:55

No, it's not a bit sad - it's a part of their life, their past, they still enjoy it. My husband still listens to music he listened to twenty five years ago when he was twenty. He still sees the same bands when he can. A friend of mine bought her husband a record player for Christmas - they pulled down all their old LPs a few nights ago, opened some gin and got hammered listening to the Stone Roses - is that better? In your original post you didn't seem to be as concerned about the drug use - just that it all seemed a bit sad.

Raisensaretoddlercrack · 05/01/2017 11:57

I'm in my 30s and I still go clubbing wearing UV silly outfits, glitter on my face etc. I have 2 young DCs, mortgage and a professional job. For me it's a break from reality and love for the music. I only get out twice a year due to my commitments and I am a very productive person the rest of the time. I do judge slightly if people are still clubbing the same way they did in their 20s with no commitments, other interests or depth to their life but then they aren't hurting anyone so if it makes them happy then good for them.

Helspopje · 05/01/2017 12:01

Everyone at the peach revival nights are in their 40s.
It is a top night and for one night a year I can imagine thar I am not just mummy me/wife me/grown up and responsible me but old me. It's bloody wonderful.

allchattedout · 05/01/2017 12:02

The fact that it bothers you suggests that you probably secretly envy them but pretend to be oh so contented with your life as a suburban mummy. If you were truly happy, it wouldn't bother you what they do to be happy, right?

Also, drugs are far less dangerous on the body than prolonged alcohol use or smoking. Some parents pour a bottle of wine down their throats every night but are more or less applauded for this ('wine o'clock etc). Do some research.

Jaxhog · 05/01/2017 12:05

Well, if they enjoy clubbing, good luck to them. But the drugs is a no, especially if they have children.

Tbh, it seems a bit unimaginative to keep doing the same thing. I'm befuddled by people not trying new things and finding new ways to be amused. I tried going to the Opera a few years ago, and found that I loved it. Ditto my husband with Ballet (watching, not doing). I even tried learning Karate, and now have a black belt (much to the awe of my 13 year old nephew).

Lorelei76 · 05/01/2017 12:07

Raisens "I do judge slightly if people are still clubbing the same way they did in their 20s with no commitments, other interests or depth to their life"

Ah, I wouldn't judge that either. Being passionate about clubbing is no different than being passionate about reading or some such. Also not sure what "no commitments" means but I know some people judge me for lack of commitment on account of being single no DC but I see myself as having many commitments.

chipsandgin · 05/01/2017 12:08

I was a late 80's/early 90's raver with everything that went with it, I'm a parent and I have friends who are very much still part of the scene. No judgement from me - each to their own as long as they are happy and have the energy for it.

There are people out there doing far more destructive things to themselves, their families and the world at large. A few glitter covered middle aged people with their hands in the air isn't going to get me worked up. Personally I would much rather be curled up on the sofa with a good book and a nice glass of red wine (or the rest of my Christmas Baileys)! I find it nearly as depressing as your attitude OP that I have become such a cliche!

However, if you are going to be silently judging these friends and feeling 'befuddled' then I think it is time you left them to it and found some different friends that you don't need to judge!?

Also totally agree with allchattedout - you sound a bit jealous.

Jaxhog · 05/01/2017 12:09

I dare say some of my friends are befuddled by my lack of interest in getting drunk regularly too. We are all going to befuddled by someone's else's life choices when they are different from our own.

heron98 · 05/01/2017 12:09

I still go clubbing and take drugs and I am 35.

I go with my friends, I enjoy the music and dancing and no, it doesn't take me days to come down. I am nothing but tired the next day.

I do not have children though.

I have always been very into music and clubbing is a big part of that enjoyment. It's not sleazy or anything like that. And for the record, I've never worn glitter!

DustingOffTheDynastySuit · 05/01/2017 12:10

I now really want to go to a Peach Revival night.

HerrenaHarridan · 05/01/2017 12:11

I hear you op, do you know what I think is really sad?

When people are so dissatisfied with their own lives they've nothing better to do than judge others for not being as hung up on what others think as they are.

Ohyesiam · 05/01/2017 12:12

All really glad I'm not one of your friends, you are so judgemental.

Different people like different things, that can't be that hard to understand.

AgentProvocateur · 05/01/2017 12:12

I don't go clubbing as such, but a couple of times a month, DH and I will go out and end up at a late-night (3am) live music venue. We're both 49 with grown-up children and responsible jobs. I don't think it's "sad"...

TanteRose · 05/01/2017 12:13

Yep, I'm 48 and went clubbing last year (granted, it was just the once - but we stayed out dancing until dawn in Tokyo). No illegal drugs, a few shots maybe... and we drank mostly water to keep hydrated. It was fab!
I also go to music festivals and dance all day. Why not? Some people like running marathons, I like dancing - it's all exercise Smile

sofato5miles · 05/01/2017 12:13

I went to Amsterdam to visit friends for half term. We did quite a bit of coke and went dancing. Hadn't touched it for 10 years. We had a blast and it was much easier looking after the kids than after a glass of wine too many.

dollydaydream114 · 05/01/2017 12:14

Clubbing isn't my thing, but I couldn't give a toss if other people like it. If that's their thing, that's their thing. It's not having any effect on you, so why be bothered by it?

How do you actually know they still take drugs? And if it's not affecting their work, which is presumably isn't or they'd all be unemployed, what does it matter if they are 'professional' people or not?

Why is it more strange for a 'professional' person to take drugs than it would be for a manual labourer to do it?!

I hated clubbing in my 20s and I'd hate it now, but I'm not 'befuddled' by things other people enjoy. We're all different.

TheStoic · 05/01/2017 12:14

Tbh, it seems a bit unimaginative to keep doing the same thing

It's possible to do old things AND new things.

MuseumOfCurry · 05/01/2017 12:15

Drugs are bad for you but then so is the average lifestyle of the average Brit.

ElleMcElle · 05/01/2017 12:17

I share your befuddlement. But I would've shared it when I was 19 too.