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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not help out another parent?

370 replies

arethereanyleftatall · 04/01/2017 18:38

More of a wwyd.

Dds best friends mum has just texted to ask if we could pick her dd up every week and drop her home from an activity they're both about to start doing. We technically could, we're going anyway and it would only add about 5 mins extra to do the drop off on way home. But....over the years this will we well over 100 favours we have done for them. I haven't particularly been counting but there's been a term of getting her from school and having her for tea, a term of picking up and dropping at another activity etc. I have had to ask them for a favour a handful of times over the years and every time it's 'we'd love to help but can't because of x'. It will be my dh picking up, and I know he'll just do it no problem, but it's really beginnng to piss me off. Wwyd?

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 06/01/2017 08:25

Or how about, yes I can but can you pay me X for petrol please.

Aeroflotgirl · 06/01/2017 08:34

So what if she struggles for timings, if she cannot get her dd to an activity DD cannot do it or has to find another one that she can do.

Aeroflotgirl · 06/01/2017 08:35

I have had to do that, most people do. I wod never ever impose myself on somebody. If op offered that's lovely, if not never mind find another activity.

BertrandRussell · 06/01/2017 08:43

Of course it's not the OP's responsibility. Of course the other parent is being a dick.

But it causes her no inconvenience. And her kid's friend gets to do the club.

So no brainer, really......

Aeroflotgirl · 06/01/2017 09:01

Not really. IT is obviously a problem to op, that is why she is here. Op is not a free for all! If that's the case op and this mum should come to an amicable arrangement, whereby op collects the other dd, and the dd mother/father picks up the girls, or the mother offers money for petrol to op. Somehow I don't think any will happen. Most people in op position would say no, after constantly being taken advantage of. Sometimes I think, only on Mumsnet!

Aeroflotgirl · 06/01/2017 09:01

Yes it does inconvenience her a bit.

anannoyinglylongusername · 06/01/2017 09:07

Bertrand I'm totally with you. I would do it, and I wouldn't worry about feeling committed - it's a one sided agreement so if I couldn't do it one day I'd just send a text with plenty of warning that they needed a different plan for that day.

I can understand not wanting to be taken advantage of but this isn't giving an entitled colleague a lift everyday to save their bus fare it's allowing a kid to do an activity?!

SparklyMagpie · 06/01/2017 09:23

I think even if she did agree to take it in turns, you'll find you'll still be doing the majority!
Cheeky cow

Writerwannabe83 · 06/01/2017 09:38

Bert - do you not think it was incredibly rude of the other woman to sign her daughter up for the classes KNOWING she wouldn't be able to take her/pick her up because she just assumed OP would do it for her without even asking her first?

People who are that rude and arrogant don't deserve people doing favours for them.

Bettyspants · 06/01/2017 09:38

Very telling the lack of reply. I'd stop all favours from now on unless there's some form of reciprocation. I don't think it will affect DD, as you've said already she's never been asked over to play when others have ...

anannoyinglylongusername · 06/01/2017 09:47

I think everyone is unanimous that the othed woman is rude and entitled!

But while it may be a favour to the horrid woman it's also helping her child..

Aeroflotgirl · 06/01/2017 09:53

I think Bertrand I think after Q while of this and being taken advantage of, you would be a bit fed up

BertrandRussell · 06/01/2017 09:59

"People who are that rude and arrogant don't deserve people doing favours for them."

Is the child rude and arrogant?

Original poster
arethereanyleftatall · 06/01/2017 10:07

I have an update, and it's good news! She has text to say she can do pick up (for both) this week, so I have texted back 'great, thank you, so I'll do next.' I think she's got the message. Well done mumsnet, and thank you!

OP posts:
dustarr73 · 06/01/2017 10:07

Is the child rude and arrogant?

Dont be so silly but it wasnt the child who signed themselves up it was the parents.Who know when they signed up they had no way of picking the child up.Thats entitled and rude.We all have kids and we all need a little bit of help from time too time.But there is no way i would sign my child up for something knowing i had no way of getting then there or back.

Original poster
arethereanyleftatall · 06/01/2017 10:08

Bert - the child is absolutely lovely.

OP posts:
AnnPerkins · 06/01/2017 10:08

I get Bertrand's point. It's not the kid's fault and she's the only one who'll suffer. It's not going to cost you, or your DH, any extra to give her a lift.

If you're that pissed off with the parents never reciprocating, tell them so. You seem like a good person and I doubt you'll feel any better for taking a passive aggressive approach.

AnnPerkins · 06/01/2017 10:10

Bah! Took too long posting. My point was still very good though Wink

WankersHacksandThieves · 06/01/2017 10:14

Is the child rude and arrogant?

Maybe - sometimes the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. It's telling though that the OP doesn't comment on the child's attitude either way, whereas if the child was a delight and grateful for the help it would be something that would part of your decision and question and would probably be mentioned. Same goes for the opposite attitude. I suspect the child is in the middle, neither rude or grateful. She probably just sees it as the way life works and isn't involved in the politics of it all (which is as it should be).

Unfortunately children are often affected by the behaviour of their parents. On one hand this mother has asked for the lift giving her daughter the chance to attend the activity whereas maybe equally deserving children have parents that wouldn't like to ask and therefore miss out. On the other hand, this mother has had an entitled attitude and has therefore reduced the chances of her daughter having this opportunity. Two sides of the coin.

CalmItKermitt · 06/01/2017 10:15

Shameless placemarking.

Butterymuffin · 06/01/2017 10:16

That's good! Looking on the bright side, perhaps this will give her a push towards sharing the load. Be prepared to reconsider if this is the only week she ever does it and excuses crop up later. But so far so good..

WankersHacksandThieves · 06/01/2017 10:16

Just saw the update - that's good news then. Hope it continues.

BertrandRussell · 06/01/2017 10:17

"Is the child rude and arrogant?

Dont be so silly"

I'm not being silly. If the child was rude and arrogant then I most definitely wouldn't give her lifts. But I see no reason why a child should miss out because of having dicks for
parents if I can help it.

Timeforteaplease · 06/01/2017 10:18

Who is doing the drop off?

OopsDearyMe · 06/01/2017 10:19

Depends on the persons situation, if she really needs the help then yes I would help. However if she could do the collection herself I would suggest you alternate instead.
What's the deal with keeping count of favours, surely its nicer to help others however and wherever you can.