To allow ds aged 10 and dd aged 7 share a bed.

[EveOnline2016]

They have both got their own rooms but prefer to share a bed every night.

Ds has a double bed and there is enough room for both of them.

My mum says it's illegal, but surely that's not right.

Cherry they're both very active sleepers - all over the bloody bed I certainly wouldn't share with either of them - but there was nothing sinister in his comment he was simply stating a fact in the same way he would have pointed it out if he'd woken up with her feet in his face which has been known to happen

I don't think there's anything sinister for a moment but it does evoke unease in me. I guess that's where the "inappropriate" thing comes in.

Bebanjo It's not fucking law!!,

Exactly, cherry. This is not a matter for levity.

Honestly, no matter how loving your family is, it doesn't automatically mean as a child you will speak up if you find something awkward.

Rebel you're right it's not a law it's a guideline which is used by some but not all LA's & HA's when it comes to their allocation policies.

Cherry it's not a regular occurrence nor was it intentional so I fail to see how it could be construed as inappropriate - or do you mean siblings sharing beds in general is inappropriate?

I guess it boils down to your sexuality and how comfortable with sexuality you are in general. Also bad experiences may come into play here too.

If you are against this can you answer me these 2 questions?

How do you feel about siblings seeing each other naked (as in getting changed for bed, after swimming etc)?
How did your parents approach this?

I think it's all about what we've been taught really.

I shared with a male cousin once when I was about 6 and he about 13/14 (both with PJs on, his sister in another bed in same room - she thrashed around at night so was in with him instead).

Slept next to my sister many a time when younger.

I agree I might not have said if uncomfortable but my behaviour sure would have.

I don't think bed sharing is automatically inappropriate. I can totally understand (and did myself) why you'd do it sometimes. But an eight year old complaining about his fifteen year old sisters boobs makes my skin crawl a bit. I'm really sorry as I know you won't like that but my initial reaction to that was 'ugh.'

Cherry - I am well aware of the fact that a child might not feel comfortable but the answer is not to impose rules based on our prejudices and beliefs but instead be guided by what they tell us, their reactions, their wishes (and maybe a quiet word).

It's not a prejudice though Sir, it's your own comfort zone. I don't think it needs to be anything as draconian as a rule just "how things are done" in terms of privacy and personal space.

bebanjo those are guidelines. Not law. There is no fucking law for crying out loud.

If you take that at face value then you and your partner/husband/wife can't share a bedroom because if you're over 20 you need your own room...
Fucking hell.

As for the 8nyear old and 15 year old sister...it's not like she shoved her boobs in his face on purpose and I presume they were covered. The 8 year old was simply stating a fact.
My 8 year old still rests his head on mine when hugging with his hand/arm on top of the other (kind of resting across my chest IYSWIM, not near nipple...I have big boobs) I'd that inappropriate?
Is it inappropriate that until he was 12 my brother did the same? (so up until 2 years ago) sometimes tits just get in the way.

It does make me smile when people start firing non comparable situations at you with 'is that inappropriate?'

The poster with the son and fifteen year old will do as she does, it's nothing to do with me, BUT my sort of 'instinctive' reaction, if you like, is to find if a bit of a mouth-curler. Would people be as comfortable in five years time if it was my fifteen year old son and eight year old sister, and she complained 'jokingly' she woke up with his penis in her face?

Did you miss the word "beliefs" in that sentence? The word "and" should have been "or" admittedly, but I imagined the meaning it was obvious.

How it's done varies from family to family naturally- which includes siblings enjoying sleepovers without there being any implications of sexual behaviour or impropriety taking place.

& our initial reaction was to laugh... I guess Sarcasm is right & it depends on attitudes & what we've been taught.

My kids are very lackadaisical about nudity - they don't go prancing around naked but if someone* sees them they don't get all flustered & run to hide they just carry on with what they were doing - getting changed/jumping in the shower etc it's really not a big deal.

As a male latecomer the 8yo has just kinda fitted in to our girlie ways - I've no doubt at some point he'll decide it's gross & start locking closing the bathroom door when he's in the shower.

*by someone I mean either me or a sibling not randoms off the street 😳

Think they'd be in a bit of an awkward position for that, but if that's what happened then that's what happened. I wouldn't find anything to raise my eyebrows at if an 8 year old said that. Clearly they had just wriggled in their sleep and ended up that way. Nothing else.

Ooh using the little star sign must bold things - I didn't know that!

And as for non comparable. Did you miss the bit about my brother? I co-slept with my brother for years too. Even after my own DS was born. We all used to pile in bed together.

Sir, there's a huge middle ground between 'I think this is inappropriate' and 'I think there is incest!' I've said all the way through I don't think there's any sort of sexual activity.

My concern here is that the more the boundaries are blurred at home, the more they are blurred outside the home and I do think that ten is a good age (if not before) for recognising that things can be inappropriate without being 'awful.' In the same way it's okay for a toddler to be naked in some contexts but a ten year old - even a prepubescent one - wouldn't be appropriate. Doesn't have to be sexual, just there.

So you sleep with your adult brother and don't think that might raise an eyebrow or too, honestly?

I think sometimes people go for the most extreme case scenario sometimes to show how blasé and cool they are with this nekkid thing!

HerRoyalFattyness yes the aforementioned boobs were covered & yes sometimes they just get in the bloody way

cherry he's not an adult. I am. He's not. He's a teen. And yes he would climb in bed with me sometimes up until around 2 years ago. When I lived at home I shared a bed with him and my DS. (I was 17, DB was 7 and DS a baby) and no I don't see a problem with that. We were both comfortable and happy with it. As soon as he was no longer comfortable with it it stopped.

Fair enough, HerRoyal but in that case it's more of a mum/son thing (although I appreciate he is your brother) but that is different when it's two children. Apologies for missing that from your post :)

But that's no different to prickshits dd and DS. (Well about 2 years closer in age but that's it)
There were times my DB woke up with boobs in his face. And feet. And toddler bum...

Yes, but your brother didn't complain about your boobs, to my knowledge. Anyway, I suppose we all have different reactions to this which isn't to say one is right, one is wrong, but it also doesn't mean your child will feel the same as you.

He did he also laughed when I woke up with his feet in my face. Little shit.
And no my children may not feel the same but I'm confident that they would tell me if ever they were uncomfortable.