To allow ds aged 10 and dd aged 7 share a bed.

[EveOnline2016]

They have both got their own rooms but prefer to share a bed every night.

Ds has a double bed and there is enough room for both of them.

My mum says it's illegal, but surely that's not right.

Most adolescent boys are very easily aroused. That's why they don't sleep with their younger sisters. Ten year old boys become adolescent boys ... literally overnight.

Which is self-limiting. Boys who are easily aroused are also privacy-seekers.

If for years your mum has said how cute it is and takes photos you wouldn't necessarily.

"millyandmollyandmandy

If for years your mum has said how cute it is and takes photos you wouldn't necessarily."

Oh ok.

That would be incredibly weird, though, surely? Either it's exceptional and cute e.g. on holiday so you take a photo, or it's every night and completely unremarkable.

I've already began to teach my 3 year old that her private pats are her own. Even if I have to touch them to administer cream/see a bruise nearby etc I always tell her and tell her why.

I also tell her if anyone makes he feel uncomfortable to let me know. That will be even more prominent at age 7.

I don't think they should be doing it every night either but as a treat I think it's fine.

Re: demonising boys italian I'm just worried by treating them like sexual predators we are filling a self fulfilled phrophecy - I.e they think I'm a percent and always will be no matter how nice I am to them, so why bother proving otherwise?

The best thing you can do is teach both genders about autonomy. About how it's perfectly ok not to like something and if anyone invades that privacy, you have a right to complain.

If you think I'm some apologist for men you'd be very wrong. I've had quite a few bad experiences that have negatively clouded my view of men as a whole.

But I can't look at my 11 year old cousin or 3 year old nephew and see them as some potential predator no more than I can look at them and see them as a cheater or an addict.

Cheating can be a real easy thing to fall into, same with addiction. But you shouldn't automatically assume someone is going to do/become either. Instead, you'd educate and address any behaviours.

I know there are vile people in the world. I know there are good people that do vile things - I don't think I'm particularly naive but you can of course disagree.

parts

Sorry that was an essay.

SarcasmMode it's fine to write an essay. I do it all the time.

I do not think you are an apologist for men.

I don't look at my 6 year old son and think he is a potential rapist.

But I also do not think it is punishing men or boys or treating them like a rapist, or potential abusers, to not allow them access to younger girls by sharing beds or bedrooms after a certain age.

I think it is wise to supervise and that would include separate beds and bedrooms after a certain age.

From the limited things I have gleaned from various people's comments it seem people who have had bad experiences are very determined not to be defined or limited by them (or to assume the worst of others). That seems very fair.

However, if for that reason people also seem to buck against thr advise ( which to me is common sense, and is the advice of a respected children's charity, NSPCC) not to allow opposite sex children to share together after a set age, then that seems to be a step too far. To ignore useful advice so as not to be perceived as assuming all boys are potential abuses.

By allowing children opportunity to do the right or wrong thing in such a serious area one is doing neither a real favour, IMHO.

Why not find out why a child is unhappy to be alone in their own room. Scary stories at school, bullying, an over active imagination, even (so sorry to say this) abuse by another person, could all lead a child to not want to be alone at night in their own room.

So explore that.

Give children privacy as a right without expecting them to articulate it.

People do not need to be defined by their own bad experiences but do not condemn others to a similar fate out of an unnecessary need to 'appear' open-minded, IMVHO.

Phew, see that was an essaay!

Cara the twins are now 10/11 will be going to high school after the summer

You do not need to answer but are they the same sex, NotLadyPrickshit.

Yes Italian they are.

However I fail to see how this would make a difference to the PP's analogy that siblings sharing a bed are more prone to indulging in incestuous behaviour - incest is incest irrespective of the sex of those involved.

And that rubbing on someone might happen naturally,as would brotherly love becoming sexual love.

owever I fail to see how this would make a difference to the PP's analogy that siblings sharing a bed are more prone to indulging in incestuous behaviour - incest is incest irrespective of the sex of those involved.

The issue/concern was more about opposite sex siblings being innocently inappropriate by looking/touching due to curiosity about the opposite sexes body.

It was not about siblings being incestrous purely because they're in the same bed.

I don't think it should be a regular occurrence italian as I say - but as a treat it's nice.

My female cousin at about 4 loved to climb in with me at 16. She said it was warm and nice - no specific issues.

Now she complains at going in with her Mum on holiday (14).

I know that sexual exploration is a reality. I guess:1) I hate to think a 10 year old doesn't know I right from wrong and 2) I don't want want a male child to automatically be presumed to be sexual when a female child not.

I first looked at porn at 12- younger than some of my male counterparts.

Don't get me wrong I understand you - but it just feels such a shame that it can't be innocent.

NotLadyPrickshit I am no sure you are really interested in my answer about why it matters, but am happy to give it if you wish.

SarcasmMode "I don't think it should be a regular occurrence italian as I say - but as a treat it's nice."

On holidays, camping etc it is sometimes impossible not to share spaces. My dd would hate sharing with her brother, he is half her age, he wriggles and talks in his sleep, no treat for her!

Sharing a bedroom, or bed, being a normal occurrence for children, may lead one/them to feel that that is what the parents want. If anything untoward happens at least one child may feel it is OK because parents have allowed them to a shared room/bed.

I don't think this problems with this is common, but to be honest I don't have any idea how common it is.

I do know that a few decades ago most people had no idea what happened in so many places, in terms of abuse, now we all know and tr to behave appropriately but years ago we never knew.

"I don't want want a male child to automatically be presumed to be sexual when a female child not." I don't think I was doing that, I would be 'arguing' for privacy for both sexes. I would be concerned for a younger or more easily influenced child, I would not blindly assume any activity was down to the boy.

But girls and women are socialised to accept things in life, to play nice, not to challenge, to feel flattered when their bodies are discussed, or at the very least not to complain about it. I fucking hate it, but it does happen.

"Don't get me wrong I understand you - but it just feels such a shame that it can't be innocent."

Life with children can be innocent, totally! Rough and tumble and play, fun and games, jokes and japes! Just not naked, or inappropriateness, or inappropriately dressed, not sexualised and ideally (in my book) not in the same bed or same room on a regular basis after a certain age. Teaching children privacy doesn't mean they lose their innocence, if anything it may mean they can retain it longer, IMHO.

My ds insists on getting changed with me out of the room, but then lies in the bath naked with me chatting to him! They are working it out for themselves, he is 6. I would not want any child to feel ashamed about their body etc. But I just think when a reputable charity like NSPCC gives guidance then ordinary people should take note.

Lots of posters last night when almost laughing at this advice and claiming it was hysterics!

Tbh I only have one kid so this is not an issue. Also I'm not saying necessarily that sharing is always the right thing to do ,or that not sharing is always right. It will always depends on the children themselves,circumstances etc.
What I did have an issue with was that it's "illegal","disgusting", "what will people(well classmates) say" , that OP's son having SN might make a difference and most of all how "normal" and even expected it would be for something to happen, for brotherly love to evolve into smth else.
Bleurgh.. it's early and i'm probably not making much sense.

Just a comment on the 'demonising' of boys. Let's not forget we need to protect them too. They don't want to grow up regretting something they did without really meaning to.

Rebel that's much too sensible and conciliatory.

You need to be outraged, appalled and disgusted apparently.

The special needs makes a difference because op herself said he is younger than a NT 10 year old. That's all.

'Teaching children about privacy doesn't mean they lose their innocence. In fact it means they keep it for longer.'

Yes.