To allow ds aged 10 and dd aged 7 share a bed.

[EveOnline2016]

They have both got their own rooms but prefer to share a bed every night.

Ds has a double bed and there is enough room for both of them.

My mum says it's illegal, but surely that's not right.

In all honesty, I don't think it's a good idea at all to give children very free boundaries with things like this (and I am very lax generally.)

The problem is, you risk the more pliable and placid child being semi forced into a situation they aren't comfortable with because they aren't able to articulate why. I can imagine this happening with my DS. He is ten next month: his preschool sister idolises him and she wouldn't give him a moments peace if I didn't step in. But partly because he's nice and partly because he just wouldn't necessarily know how to say 'actually DD I'm not ok with you doing this.'

It's much better (I think) if a parent steps in and establishes some rules. I really think the children in the OP are a bit too old to be routinely sharing a bed every night, which I'm sure some won't agree with, but whatever op decides to do I think she needs to be the one leading.

"Figure17a

Not illegal but on the cusp of the age it's inappropriate imo"

This.

But Cherry, what reason would you give them for saying no? It's totally innocent.

Well yes, but sometimes you don't need a reason. Just 'no, you need to sleep in your own beds.'

Cherry both children appear to be comfortable with the arrangement in this scenario. Of course if one were not happy then I am sure OP would step in to change things.

I would just explain that when children get a little older they need their privacy even if they don't realise it!

I don't have locks on my bathroom doors.

I think the key word is 'appear.'

Very genuinely, I know my own DS would appear happy with all sorts, but wouldn't be.

I'm not saying that's the case for OP, but I see this a lot on the boards - the assumption that children will always clearly and simply state their view - and they often don't.

A child's natural instinct is to ask why however. I'm just baffled as to what you'd say or why it would be automatically turned down. Personally I'd be fine with it, but would take each to one side and make clear they should tell me if they didn't want to do it any more.

What do you mean by innapropriate?

Do you mean they are likely to have sex?

I remember my mum looking after her friends DC and we all shared baths and beds over a 6 week period. We were all between 8-14 ish . The DS was about 9 ish. I didn't find it odd then and I don't now either. We weren't related but very close growing up.

I'd let them share of they are happy.

I don't think it's likely, no. But it is possible

My 7 year old DD has been sharing a room with her 9 and 5 year old brothers during the holidays because she enjoys their company. They stay up late giggling and pass out on the same bed and need rearranged by me and dh at our bedtime.

Puppies are an excellent analogy.

My sister's kids used to share beds on holidays as well, it stopped naturally when her DS was about 11 and her dd 9.

I would never have dreamed of doing this though as my sisters were over ten years older than me, I grew up without having sleepovers with friends or siblings. It wouldn't have occurred to me it was something to do, or a normal thing to do until my nephews and neices did it and I saw how much they valued spending time together.

We started to have sex ed at school at 10/11.
It might be worth just chatting to DS about physical changes coming up anyway if you haven't already.

nothing wrong or illegal with it. In fact its actually nice to hear about siblings being close to each other. And they are still innocent children. Once the older one is a bit older im sure they will have no problem turfing the other one into their own bed.

I shared a bath with my db up until I was 10. He was 9. There wasnt anything sexual in it. Just two kids sharing a bath. Younger brother co slept with me until he was 3 and i was 17. I just loved snuggling into him at night.

I wouldn't think twice about this tbh. They are kids and if the want to share I would totally let them. My dad aged 9 and DS age 7 often share and have 'campouts' in the front room. Totally innocent fun. Am shocked that an adult would think this was illegal!

OP have you asked your mum why she thinks it's illegal? I think it's a bizarre thing to say/believe.

I think people saying 'there's nothing sexual in it' are perhaps missing the point a little bit.

Nobody is suggesting that a 10-year-old boy and a 7-year-old girl are going to do anything sexual together or are sharing a bed for any sexual reason. Of course it's totally innocent. They're siblings.

It's just that a 10-year-old is going to be hitting puberty very soon and kids going through puberty need their privacy for very obvious reasons. Plenty of boys are having wet dreams by 11, which most of them find embarrassing enough without their little sister asking why there's a big sticky patch on the sheets in the morning.

It's not about anything sexual happening between them, it's just about normal privacy. It's probably not an issue yet but it might become one quite soon.

My 10 and 7 year old are exactly the same. I've never even thought about it in any way other than that it's the only time they actually get on!

This thread reminded me when I was about 9/10 my best friend was a boy of the same age. We spent a lot of time playing in each other's bedrooms (mostly on the sega master system!). We asked our mums if we could have a sleep over because we'd planned to have a sonic marathon! Our mums were friends too and the answer was no because he was a boy and I was a girl. I was really upset and remember saying if he was a girl you'd say yes and begging to change their minds. I genuinely had no clue why it would be an issue what sex we were. When I got older I look back and can sort of understand. I still know it would have been 100% innocent if we had though. I guess it was better to say no from the beginning than decide when to put a stop to it.

I wouldn't encourage it, but saying it's illegal is bonkers, I would just say you both have a bed and a bedroom so there is no need for it.

Pre teens and teenagers appreciate a lock on the bathroom door though.

I think it's lovely. My DD and DS shared a room with bunk beds until around that age when younger DS went into his own room. But they were quite happy sharing until around then. Until aged about 6 and 4 they both slept in with me in one big bed. We've always been a cuddly family and I think it's given them a great security. They are now lovely, independent minded but still hugable teenagers

Yes there will come a time when it's not appropriate. Up to you to judge when that is.

You could draw a line in the sand with plenty of notice, eg tell them now that they will have to stop sharing when DS turns 11. We stopped DS sleeping over with his best friend, a girl, when they were 9. Both were furious with us, but it's part of growing up. I think much like separating them for changing for PE or giving them separate toilets in school, it's better for the parent to own the decision and be proactive rather than expecting the 10 year old to lead it. By the time a 10 year old complains, they've already been put in the difficult position.

Argh I hate this but I am about to be THAT poster.

It isn't always innocent. When I was a child there were a brother and sister in my school who shared a bed and slept together (e.g. had sex). I can't remember how I knew but it has always stayed with me. I do know social services got involved.

Obviously I am not saying this is the case for the OP's family!!! But I just wanted to offer another angle on the "it's always innocent, never sexual" point of view.

My son started going through puberty at 9, so I wouldn't feel comfortable with him sharing with a younger female sibling. My son also started having erections at 10.

Could you make your daughters room more appealing? Make a fuss about doing up both rooms?