To allow ds aged 10 and dd aged 7 share a bed.

[EveOnline2016]

They have both got their own rooms but prefer to share a bed every night.

Ds has a double bed and there is enough room for both of them.

My mum says it's illegal, but surely that's not right.

Like I say Sir I evidently have different standards.

I am pretty shocked at some of these posts!

But cherry boobs are just part of the body. There nothing sexualise about them. As far as DS1 is concerned they are just like an arm or a leg.

I kinda get that actually although I don't think it's inappropriate I do find it unusual - mine love the odd sleepover but would never want to do it every night.

My concern here is that the more the boundaries are blurred at home, the more they are blurred outside the home and I do think that ten is a good age (if not before) for recognising that things can be inappropriate without being 'awful.'

On this basis you must surely object to parents sleeping with their children as well, then?

Apart from not engaging in inappropriate sexual behaviour with one's own children (sorry, not sure how else to put that) and teaching them bodily autonomy I'm not sure what else can or should done to protect them in the way you suggest. A home is inherently intimate and family members interact in ways that would never be appropriate outside of the home.

Museum if my ten year old wanted to sleep with me every night I would be a bit concerned. Not in a 'ooh, sexually inappropriate' thing but I would be thinking something was bothering him. Obviously the odd night (bad dream or the like) is fine.

Can I make some posters spontaneously combust - my dh and his brother and sister shared beds in their twenties when they stayed at their parents. Whichever two were there. Funnily enough, nothing untoward happened as dh sees his sis as an annoying six year old to this day.

Ds and dd are same age and occasionally share but as its a single we normally move dd back to her own

My 14 and 11 year old are constantly vying to sleep in our bed. It's been this way their entire lives. My 11 year old has just gone to bed in my bed on the basis that it's his first day back tomorrow and it will make him less depressed about the holidays being over.

Maybe this gives more context about some people being less rigid about sleeping arrangements - mine have always preferred company. My 14 year old sleeps in the 11 year old's top bunk if I don't let either of them sleep in my bed, despite everyone having their own beds.

We also have our golden retriever in the bed and very often I shuffle off to the guest room in the middle of the night to find peace.

You're still not articulating why you find sibling sleepovers inappropriate for children cherry (other than "different standards" which explains precisely nothing)

I think actually Sir I have.

I have said that I feel it isn't fair on the child who feels uncomfortable first, and there is no way you can be certain they will feel confident enough to articulate that discomfort.

I have said I think it blurs boundaries (and I think people brightly saying 'but what's WRONG with him telling his teacher her boobs are in the way?' Shows this.)

Pets are a whole lot harder to boot out of your bed than children, I find But I have cats who think it's their bed that I rudely come and lie in sometimes.

museum I used to climb in bed with my mum at 15. I remember once when I was about 12, my mum had me, my 10 year old brother and my 2 year old brother and 2 rottweilers all piled into bed with her and my 14 year old brother got annoyed because he couldn't fit in

cherry he would only say that because he knows his teacher so well and knows she won't take offence to him saying that. If he thought for a second that someone would be upset or feel uncomfortable he wouldn't say anything. He hates the thought of people feeling awkward. And he hasn't actually said anything to this teacher, just that if that situation did arise he would because he feels comfortable enough with her and knows she wouldn't be offended by him stating a fact

But what is wrong with HerRoyals DS telling his teacher that her boobs were in the way... they were!

I think making body parts seem like something to hide, be ashamed of & scared to mention leads to more chance of children not speaking up about real inappropriate behaviour than having an open dialogue, no qualms about nudity & bed sharing between siblings in the home.

No you really haven't cherry - and referring to a comment about boobs as somehow being 'evidence' of the resulting blurred boundaries is nonsensical. At the moment, there is no sign of any discomfort from either child - parents really have to take the lead from their children, otherwise it's going to be a rocky road ahead as they constantly look for things which don't exist.

Sir

So

'Cherry, you haven't given your reasons'
'In fact, I have, here they are again'
'No you haven't'

What you mean is you don't agree with me, which is fine and I don't agree with you either, but that's not the same as not answering people.

Exactly there are no blurred boundaries. He knows that boobs are just part of the body. He knows they produce milk and feed babies. He knows some people may not like to talk about them so would usually keep quiet, but he is comfortable around his teacher and he's 8. I wouldn't put it past him to say something at all. Because he'd not stop to think if everyone else thought it was OK. He'd just state a fact.

Not at all. What it means is as I said - you haven't articulated beyond 'what that boy said to his teacher about boobs proves that siblings having a sleepover blurs boundaries and results in inappropriate behaviour, and that's my reason'. If you're telling me that is what you mean, then of course that's fine.

Cherry if your point is that 10 is the age where a child should be offered his own bed, then I agree. If you point is that 10 is the age where a child should be discouraged from sleeping with his brother/sister, I disagree.

This seems an entirely academic point to me in any case because a cheaper and more space-efficient solution is a bunk-bed.

I further don't agree with differentiating between boys and girls in the way the OP has suggested, not because it's irrelevant, exactly, but because every child at a certain point will seek (and is entitled to) a level of privacy that is gender-agnostic.

Here's the boob mentioner with his little brother. I took this about ten minutes ago. Do you really think in a couple of years this will be inappropriate just because of the age? I don't. And clearly he's comfortable as he's the one who moved his pillow and covers to be in bed with the little one.

Aww - very, very cute Her!

So cute Her.

I think if you actually talk and explain to your children about boundaries they will not be crossed.

But just like personal space boundaries depend on who you are with. Sleeping next to a male friend at 10 you barely know is not the same as sleeping next to your brother.

Just like if I meet someone at the bus stop I don't want them to only be a few inches away from me. Whereas my family that would be perfectly comfortable.

To blanket everyone under the same umbrella is none sensual.

Besides a 7+ year old is old enough to know that you'll snuggle into your sibling but not to do that with your teacher - as long as you are explaining those boundaries.

What a lovely photo her - I'm loving the added extra of your gorgeous cat

Thank you.
sarcasm exactly. He might say to his teacher that her boobs are in the way, but he won't hug her and rest his head in them like he does to me because she's his teacher and I'm his mum.

writer that cat is a pain in the arse and is just waiting to pounce on wriggly toes!

I miss having a fireball to hug bite at my hair at night.

Fur ball! No fireballs please.