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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To allow ds aged 10 and dd aged 7 share a bed.

319 replies

EveOnline2016 · 03/01/2017 16:44

They have both got their own rooms but prefer to share a bed every night.

Ds has a double bed and there is enough room for both of them.

My mum says it's illegal, but surely that's not right.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 04/01/2017 17:01

I have two the same age (ds slightly younger ), and they still share.

JacquesHammer · 04/01/2017 17:01

Because it's a very intimate thing to sleep in the same bed as someone because you actually want to

But you're clearly using intimate to imply sexual intimacy. I share a bed with my BF and THAT is sexual intimacy because we're consenting adults.

A few years ago I shared a bed with my sister - that was sibling intimacy.

The two shouldn't be unnecessarily conflated

RebelRogue · 04/01/2017 17:03

Because it's a very intimate thing to sleep in the same bed as someone because you actually want to - rather than having to due to being on holiday

I shared/share sometimes a bed with my dad,my mum,both of them,my friends,my kid,my friend's kid. None of it was "intimate"

Last time mum came to visit we slept in the same bed every night for a whole month. We even cuddled! The horror!

dollydaydream114 · 04/01/2017 17:16

We had a little chat about puberty and body changes. And how it will mean sleeping in different bed but it will still be ok to watch a movie together and then say goodnight and in thier own beds.

In that case, OP, it sounds like you've done exactly the right thing. You haven't made them feel weird about something totally innocent, but you've made sure your son is aware that things might change for him when he gets a bit older and that when he does want a bit more privacy, that will also be totally normal and OK.

I think you're being really sensible and proportionate. And, as I said before, it's lovely that your kids get on so well together! It makes a nice change from stories of warring siblings who can't stand each other.

CaraAspen · 04/01/2017 17:17

"HerRoyalFattyness

cara and what if one was gay? You don't know they're not so just as much risk"

Yes, I thought of that but it is less likely statistically.

HerRoyalFattyness · 04/01/2017 17:20

Still a risk though. Surely if you're bothered about the small chance of it happening between opposite sex children you should be just as worried about same sex children.

Man10 · 04/01/2017 17:20

A boy entering puberty is going to notice it's pleasurable when he rubs his cock against something. He might want to do it regularly. He won't necessarily know there's anything wrong with that something being his little sister.

I agree that a (say) 15 year-old sleeping with a 13 year-old would be much less of an issue, because you could expect them to understand what was happening, and the social and legal implications.

CaraAspen · 04/01/2017 17:20

"millyandmollyandmandy

I know NO ONE who would let their children share a bed at this age. That boy will start secondary school soon."

Nor do I.

CaraAspen · 04/01/2017 17:24

"JacquesHammer

Because it's a very intimate thing to sleep in the same bed as someone because you actually want to

But you're clearly using intimate to imply sexual intimacy. I share a bed with my BF and THAT is sexual intimacy because we're consenting adults.

A few years ago I shared a bed with my sister - that was sibling intimacy.

The two shouldn't be unnecessarily conflated"

You are an adult.

HerRoyalFattyness · 04/01/2017 17:27

A few years ago she may not have been an adult. She could well be an 18 year old for all you know

MuseumOfCurry · 04/01/2017 17:51

I don't think it's sexual just really not on. Do they share a bath as well? Does the boy come in women's changing rooms?

So now it's wrong for a 10 and 7 year old to share a bath as well? Shock

I had a 10 year old boy until recently (he's now 11). He is a child, and sex is not on his radar.

CaraAspen · 04/01/2017 18:27

A 10 year old boy and a 7 year old girl sharing a bath is okay? Really? Wow...

SirChenjin · 04/01/2017 18:38

Yep, absolutely fine. No 'wow' about it.

cherrycrumblecustard · 04/01/2017 18:40

Well, I think in fairness Sir there are a number of people on here (and I would agree also in real life) who would be unnerved by this, but it's down to the parents. I do think it's important though for the parent to lead so the child doesn't have to. I would have felt VERY uncomfortable sharing a bath with someone at the age of ten.

SirChenjin · 04/01/2017 18:47

I disagree- I think it's up to the child to lead and to be brought up in a family where they are able to articulate what they feel comfortable with, and for the parents to respect that (as opposed to the parents imposing their will or beliefs on them).

cherrycrumblecustard · 04/01/2017 18:51

Well, ideally, yes, but I'm just not confident that all children feel able to politely say 'I am not comfortable with that.' Especially if the family 'ethos' has been that it's a lovely thing to do. I know I was really young when I started to feel uncomfortable in the bath with my brother. There are three years between us so I was probably only about 4, but I hated it. I wouldn't have known what to say when asked 'why don't you want to bath with brother?' But, we are all different. I just don't think you can give a blanket 'yes, it's absolutely fine, no one has issues with it and if they do they are wrong.' I think a lot of people would be perturbed by it.

CaraAspen · 04/01/2017 18:55

Good post, cherry.

Original poster
EveOnline2016 · 04/01/2017 19:16

They try to have play bath together using swim wear, usually when there there is a new bath toy.

But that's a big no unless I want my ceilings to collapse.

OP posts:
SirChenjin · 04/01/2017 19:19

It is absolutely fine, and there was no need for the "wow". If you have issues with it, fine, but allowing it and not questioning it is also fine.

I imagine that there are families where the child is not supported to say 'I don't feel comfortable' - that's not the one that I hold up as the ideal or the one I was describing, and neither is the one with parents who see something as innocuous as children sharing a bath and a bed as something to recoil from when the child is completely oblivious to any sexual connotation that the parent has dreamt up. Both are far from ideal models of parenting imo.

cherrycrumblecustard · 04/01/2017 19:20

Sir, it isn't a barbed aim at your parenting: children just sometimes don't articulate something no matter how loving and warm and open we are. The very fact you see it as innocuous might have a child thinking the same and therefore feeling they can't say 'I'm not comfortable.'

SarcasmMode · 04/01/2017 19:33

The more I read the more ridiculous and hysterical people are getting.
Mdisgusting? Really?

Why not save that for mildly attics, peeping Tom's and Trumps attitude instead of innocent little kids?

NotLadyPrickshit · 04/01/2017 19:36

This thread is fucking hilarious... my 8yo DS shared with my 15yo DD on Xmas eve - he complained cause her big boobs were in his face when he woke up 🙈🙊

Awaits suggestions that she's a sexual predator using her womanly wiles to lure him in 🙄

cherrycrumblecustard · 04/01/2017 19:38

You see, just that image does make me feel very uncomfortable. A brother really shouldn't be complaining about his sisters boobs. It's fine if you're comfortable with it, and I hope,your daughter is.

Eliza22 · 04/01/2017 19:41

I think it's time to set an "own beds from now on" rule.