Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To allow ds aged 10 and dd aged 7 share a bed.

319 replies

EveOnline2016 · 03/01/2017 16:44

They have both got their own rooms but prefer to share a bed every night.

Ds has a double bed and there is enough room for both of them.

My mum says it's illegal, but surely that's not right.

OP posts:
Fuxfurforall · 03/01/2017 19:34

My two youngest shared a room and a bed until they were about 10 and 6 (boy and girl). They used to fall asleep holding hands. They then grew out of it and decided to have their own rooms. That said, they are still very close and still hang out together - they are now 18 and 14. Follow your instincts with it all.

Original poster
EveOnline2016 · 03/01/2017 20:06

Both dc know that they can have personal space at any time.

They both know about private areas and nobody is allow to touch them, haven't mentioned anything about sexual relationship yet.

OP posts:
AgeingArtemis · 03/01/2017 20:38

I wouldn't allow it as a daily thin, mainly because I think they might wake each other, stop each other sleeping by chatting late into the night and potentially if in 6 months time one of them no longer wants to share, it's more awkward/more of a big deal to change the normal bedtime routine, rather than just stop the occasional bed sharing. I would allow it less frequently, I think it's innocent and quite sweet!

Only last year I went on a very budget holiday with my brother and we shared a double room in some of the places we stayed if they didn't have a twin room. Shock horror! Shock My biggest problem was that he takes up most of the bed!

jmh740 · 03/01/2017 22:24

It wouldn't bother me if they are both happy about it. I have dd 9 and ds 7 up until eldest moved out they had to share there are bunk beds in their old room and ds has his own room now. You can never tell where they will wake up. They often snuggle up together to watch a film at night and end up sleeping where ever or dd reads to ds and they end up sleeping together.

TonyMacaroni · 03/01/2017 22:38

I think some people on this thread have been reading a bit too much Virginia Andrews.

SERIOUSLY.

SarcasmMode · 03/01/2017 23:05

It's really sad that children can't just be children anymore without sex having to be brought into it.

If the DS hits puberty and feels uncomfortable, they will stop.

If the DD begins to feel uncomfortable, they'll stop.

If the OP feels it's negatively impacting either of them then it will stop.

Otherwise it's perfectly innocent. Don't make it something that it isn't.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 03/01/2017 23:23

My 10 year old DD and 11 year old DS have had sleepovers together over the Xmas holidays. The fact that some posters think that inappropriate is depressing. Listening to them commentating the Harry Potter films and then giggling and telling stupid jokes to each other until midnight has been lovely. Puberty doesn't make anyone a sexual predator FFS

Aroundtheworldandback · 03/01/2017 23:32

Why on earth can't they share a bed? Count yourself lucky that they're close enough to want to. I'm a bit green as I used to have to feed mine in separate rooms as they got on so badly. Grin at "puberty doesn't make anyone a sexual predator". Some people are very strange. It is not normal to be sexually attracted to your sibling, no.

HerRoyalFattyness · 03/01/2017 23:40

Some of the replies on this thread are depressing

My 2 sons share a room. The big one is 8, the little one is 17 months. The baby is on a trundle bed on the floor (he broke 2 cots and I couldn't afford to replace) he often climbs into bed woth his big brother, or the older one will snuggle up on his bed if he's upset. This probably won't stop in a couple of years just because the oldest is going through puberty.
OP if they're happy then Leave them to it. Ignore the posters who are convinced there's something sinister here.

RacoonBandit · 03/01/2017 23:46

Ds is 14 DD is 9. She slept in his double bed last night after waking from a nightmare. Niether he, she or I was bothered. Why would we be.
My son has not turned in to a sexual abuser just because he has gone through puberty.

Those who think that should take a long hard look in to their own twisted minds.

NoFanJoe · 03/01/2017 23:55

I think it's fine at those ages, and nice that they get on so well.

Having said that, your mum has valid concerns about them. From the googling I've just been doing, sexual experiences between siblings are massively more common than I had realised.

If they don't separate naturally then you'll have to do it for them at some point. Maybe acknowledge that to your mum and ask her to trust you to know when that point is. That would probably be better than telling her to butt out, which would be my gut response!

rollonthesummer · 03/01/2017 23:59

Not illegal.

My two have the same age gap and would never have wanted to do this though!

I remember one holiday when they had to share a double bed for a couple of nights- due to extra visitors-at a similar age and DS opted to sleep on the floor rather than sleep with DD in the double Grin.

JustWoman · 04/01/2017 00:07

I'm on the fence.
I know it's innocent, I don't think that them sharing a bed will mean they touch each other etc and think it's sweet that get along.

Ill try word why it could be a problem, at 10 it's not uncommon for puberty to have started, I know you say you say you haven't talked about sex yet but have discussed puberty, there's a chance he's learned about sex at school,

My 11 year old had been taught it in y5 and there's not much she hasn't been taught at school, so if he were to start having erections or wet dreams, I'd be worried that while he knows it's puberty, if he's had any sex ed he may think it's sexual too, be confused but embarrassed to talk about it, and if he wants to stop the bed sharing as a result would he feel like he has to explain why to either his sister or you? There's no way of knowing when it will start, but it's not uncommon for 10 year old boys to have wet dreams/ erections and even when really close to parents it's not something they always feel comfortable talking about. So I guess I'm saying, I wouldn't want him in a position where he feels embarrassed about something he doesn't need to be and if he wasn't bed sharing he wouldn't need to worry about it type thing.

You know you're DC better than us though and if you know they are both happy and would be able to ask it to stop without feeling embarrassed then it sounds like it'll be fine. I genuinely don't know what I'd do.

GarrulousGrimoire · 04/01/2017 00:15

You people are odd!!

I think it's fine and everyone is overthinking this (I a really really fucked up way!) Confused

RebelRogue · 04/01/2017 00:20

It's not illegal.
It's not weird.
It's not wrong.
As long as both kids are happy with it,can still have their privacy and safe havens,and know they can stop at anytime it's fine.

llangennith · 04/01/2017 00:21

Agree with cherrycrumblecustard. Wise words.

WannaBe · 04/01/2017 00:27

So by the definition of some of the bloody twisted responses on this thread, given that adults have all been through puberty and are therefore sexual beings, it must be inappropriate for any parent to share a bed with their child, ever, because as soon as they have that child in bed with them their sexual urges will take over and they'll have to abuse it.... no didn't think so.

I wonder, would the responses on this thread be the same if the sister was the older child and the brother younger? Or would people just conclude that as it's an older girl it's fine and she won't have the same urges....

bebanjo · 04/01/2017 00:27

The law states that opposite sex siblings must have there own room after they turn 10, the law would not say that if it was then ok for them to share a bed on a regular basis.
Of course family's make the best if things on holiday, but it should not be the norm.

Sibling insect is the last taboo, many family's will not believe it would happen in there house.

Read some real life accounts if sibling insect, see if you still think it's just ' kids being kids'.

HerRoyalFattyness · 04/01/2017 00:31

bebanjo the law states no.such thing. There are rules in place for rented accommodation from housing associations but that's it. It isn't law.

MommaGee · 04/01/2017 00:33

The law States that they need tp share with their own gender from 10 rathervthan mixed but it isn't prescriptive on where they sleep - otherwise you'd be breaking the law on a caravan holiday or sleeping over at Aunty Gwen's for the summer
Its about over crowding not incest

RebelRogue · 04/01/2017 00:34

Bebanjo that is a criteria for council housing that's it. There are no restrictions on private renting/owning . It is not law!

MommaGee · 04/01/2017 00:34

Curious if the posters who wouldn't tolerate it would split siblings of same sex if one of them announced they were gay?
Sorry son, you can't share with your 7 yr old brother if you fancy lads, you might want to experiment...

HerRoyalFattyness · 04/01/2017 00:37

It isn't law. It's not advised but it isn't law.
NSPCC

To allow ds aged 10 and dd aged 7 share a bed.
HerRoyalFattyness · 04/01/2017 00:37

And the only reason it's not advised is privacy. Once they want privacy they can say so and it will stop!

ChippyDucks · 04/01/2017 00:40

If you asked me last year I would have said nothing in it, just let them.

Now, I've found out a close family member had inappropriate touching kissing and cuddling, naked, with their sibling of the opposite sex around this age.

And quite frankly, it's given me a whole new perspective on stuff like this.