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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To allow ds aged 10 and dd aged 7 share a bed.

319 replies

EveOnline2016 · 03/01/2017 16:44

They have both got their own rooms but prefer to share a bed every night.

Ds has a double bed and there is enough room for both of them.

My mum says it's illegal, but surely that's not right.

OP posts:
LunaLoveg00d · 04/01/2017 09:01

This is really depressing. My 11 year old daughter and 8 year old son regularly have sleepovers and as other posters have said it's about watching silly you tube videos, giggling and gossiping.

Not inappropriate in the slightest!

problemisafunnyword · 04/01/2017 09:04

BUT human curiosity about the opposite sex/bodies is normal and who is to say that in their innocence something that we know to be inappropriate would take place?

I think this is what happened in my case. It certainly wasn't abuse. I was just the first female he happened to have 'access' to. It hasn't caused me any long term issues (that I'm aware of), but do I wish that it hadn't happened? Of course I do.

problemisafunnyword · 04/01/2017 09:07

it's about watching silly you tube videos, giggling and gossiping

Sorry but adding YouTube into the mix would worry me even further.

Writerwannabe83 · 04/01/2017 09:16

Exactly problem and why would we want to risk putting children in that situation?

I remember when I was at school I had a friend and when we were 10ish years old she used to sleep over a lot, in my room obviously, and she would frequently take her too off to show me her breast as she was starting to develop and she would occasionally take her pyjama bottoms off to want to show me her pubic area as she was proud she was getting some pubic hair. I used to hate it but she wasn't doing anything wrong in her eyes, she was just showing me her body which to a 10 year old can seem completely innocent. I used to dread her sleeping over but I couldn't say anything to my mom because what would I say? As an adult I know that what she was doing was inappropriate but as a 10 year old girl I just found it really confusing and didn't know how to react to it. We had separate beds when she stayed over and I dread to think how things may have been if we'd had to share a bed.

I also remember being 9/10 and a boy at school used to touch me inappropriately and he used to tell me he just wondered what girls felt like. I didn't report it or say anything because he acted as though it was normal and I didn't really know whether it was or not. It was just really strange.

Sexual abuse between siblings goes on, sometimes purposefully and predatory but I can also see how it can innocently take place too because of young children's unawareness of appropriate boundaries.

JerryFerry · 04/01/2017 09:24

I think it's fine!

BertrandRussell · 04/01/2017 10:18

My 21 year old dd shared a bed with her 15 year old brother on New Year's night. Lucky she didn't rape him, isn't it?

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 04/01/2017 10:30

Children are curious but have passed that by the age of 10

Experiential wtf

Op I personally think it is fine and if showing signs of puberty talk to them not all children are as obsessed and hung up about privacy as adults are and we shouldn't pass it on to them

CaraAspen · 04/01/2017 11:52

"BertrandRussell

My 21 year old dd shared a bed with her 15 year old brother on New Year's night. Lucky she didn't rape him, isn't it?"

Your post is cringeworthy.

Figure17a · 04/01/2017 12:00

Lot's of things that were dismissed as children exploring or playing "doctors and nurses" once are, rightly or wrongly considered abuse now

Figure17a · 04/01/2017 12:11

I'd actually be happier about it if dc were say, 14 & 16 after the "Wtf. she's my sister" thinking is clear and when both would fully understand what was happening if one decided to try exploring.

At this age, it would probably be genuine curiosity, but that doesn't make it OK.

trixymalixy · 04/01/2017 12:21

My kids are exactly the same ages and share a bed every night. They have their own beds, but DD doesn't like sleeping on her own.

millyandmollyandmandy · 04/01/2017 13:35

It's disgusting Confused Can you imagine nearly being at secondary and disclosing to everybody in your class you sleep with your little sister every night?

babybarrister · 04/01/2017 13:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HerRoyalFattyness · 04/01/2017 13:51

What's disgusting about it milly?

You've described something which could be embarrassing (which if it was they'd stop) but nothing disgusting.

SirChenjin · 04/01/2017 13:55

It's fine! My eldest 2 used to have sleepovers at that age (when they weren't knocking lumps out of each other), and our 10 year old loves coming into bed with DH and I - although we turf him out as he's a wriggler and we get no sleep.

TonyMacaroni · 04/01/2017 13:58

I think some of the posts on this thread are far more worrying than siblings having a sleep over tbpfh.

SarcasmMode · 04/01/2017 13:58

But what about siblings of same gender? If it's curiosity, they will still do it.

I had a friend at ten who used to visit. She's make me kiss her and writhed on top of me and even rubbed me down there it made me nervous so I pee'd myself.

It was very wrong but we were not in bed, just on top of it and not related like in the OP but she was female and so was I.

I slept next to my parents sometimes up until about 8 as I had bad nightmares.

Yes, children are curious but let's face it a brother and sister are going to have time alone in a room. It doesn't have to be in bed - said child could experiment when watching to on top of the bed, or when Mum is cooking dinner and they are playing dress up.

I just hate sex coming into it as such a young age. Once that innocence is gone it's gone for good. As soon as it happens sex is everywhere you can't escape it.

I think it's fine as long as OP feels her children are confident enough to say when they want it to stop.

Having said that I wouldn't recommend it every night as it may be habit forming and they won't sleep apart.

RebelRogue · 04/01/2017 14:08

It's disgusting  Can you imagine nearly being at secondary and disclosing to everybody in your class you sleep with your little sister every night?

Get a grip!

MrsMarigold · 04/01/2017 14:28

My DC are much younger 4 and 5, and go to sleep in the same double bed, mainly so I can cuddle them as they drift off to sleep. When we go out they just cuddle each other, but we always move them to separate beds at about 10pm as they sleep better on their own.

Couldn't you just move one once they were asleep. I think in time they will want their own beds at bedtime but hadn't really thought too much about it, I'm slightly perturbed by this thread but see with older children it's tricky, I shared a room with my brother until I was 12, and he was 9. It was fun, sometimes we would cuddle up and read to each other but that was it.

ll87 · 04/01/2017 14:37

i feel it's sad most posters seem to think it's a problem as they are different sexes :( my dsis and i were sharing a bed well into our late teens - i see no difference in one sibling being a boy!

AmeliaJack · 04/01/2017 14:44

MrsMarigold lifting children at night at 4 or 5 yo is a whole different thing from lifting an older child. Smile

I haven't been able to carry my DS when asleep since he was 7yo. As a dead weight he's too heavy.

angeldelightedme · 04/01/2017 15:51

I wonder how all the posters who say their own children share a bed and no inappropriate games happen, actually know that?

DS [10] still sometimes sleeps with us - so what!
You are adults-his parents, so I can't see what the heck that hasto do with this debate?

CaraAspen · 04/01/2017 15:53

Same gender children would be fine, imo.

HerRoyalFattyness · 04/01/2017 15:55

cara and what if one was gay? You don't know they're not so just as much risk

SirChenjin · 04/01/2017 15:59

You are adults-his parents, so I can't see what the heck that hasto do with this debate?

What it has to do with this debate is that abuse can and does happen within families at all levels and ages. If you're talking about 'experimenting' rather than abuse then as a pp rightly pointed out, that can and does happen at any time during the day.