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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have sex in my own house when we have guests?

350 replies

SeriousCreativeBlock · 03/01/2017 01:11

My friend and her 4 year old ds turned up at my house for New Years with the intention of staying six days (this is a whole other issue, she knows I have a deadline coming up next week and I am stressed). Her visit, and the last just before Christmas, has been a constant series of put downs ranging from remarking on my father's "failing business", questioning my parenting, naming my dd a sociopath and a "mini Donald Trump" (she's FOUR!) and gaslighting me regarding my mental illness.

This evening, at half 12 at night, dp and I had sex. We were very quiet, although the bed creaks slightly. Afterwards, I went into the kitchen where she launched into a tirade about how I could have waited until her son was asleep.

AIBU to think that a small child should really be asleep at 12:30, and that I should be able to have sex in my own house without being made to feel guilty? I feel like I'm being shamed for having an active sex life.

OP posts:
DaftJelly · 03/01/2017 07:29

I am a massive pushover generally but this is too far even for me.

When she gets up, tell her she is leaving today.

frumpet · 03/01/2017 07:31

And then post a picture on snapchat of you and DH sitting up in bed in your pj's reading Wink

Nquartz · 03/01/2017 07:35

OP, are you up yet??

Heirhelp · 03/01/2017 07:36

I only read up to the bit where she is going to tell people that you have had sex. I suspect that as you are an adult in a relationship and have a child people will know you are no longer a virgin. They won't be shocked but they would be shocked by her telling people.

user1471545174 · 03/01/2017 07:37

I don't understand. Why are you calling this person your friend?

JunosRevenge · 03/01/2017 07:39

Woodlander has it I think...

Sit her down tomorrow morning, preferably with your DH to back you up, and tell her calmly that you are cutting the visit short, and she needs to go home now. Tell her gently but firmly that you will not be bossed about and then threatened in your own home.

She's taking the piss, OP. I wouldn't have her under my roof for another night. She is not your friend.

londonrach · 03/01/2017 07:39

Pack her bags and send her on her way shes no friend.

WellErrr · 03/01/2017 07:44

Unless this is a massive drip feed and you're married to your brother, I can't see why she thinks he'd be bothered?

zzzzz · 03/01/2017 07:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Crunchymum · 03/01/2017 07:51

Good lord OP.

Between yourself and your partner can you please find the courage (for want of a better word) to ask her to leave today.

Lie if you have to, but get her out of there.

I'm afraid if you don't ask her to leave, then you become complicit in your own abuse from this cunt.

Itisnoteasybeingdifferent · 03/01/2017 08:01

She has a lot of issues and is to be pitied..

but she needs to leave,,,

ticklingafoot · 03/01/2017 08:06

She's doing it because you're allowing it. If you can't stand up to her, just say there's been a family emergency and she has to leave. If she asks more, just say it's a sensitive issue.

BabySnores · 03/01/2017 08:08

Sorry for your loss op Flowers.

Miscarriage can leave you feeling very vulnerable and off. Your friend is even worse if she knows about it and acts so poorly on top of that.

ohtheholidays · 03/01/2017 08:18

I hope you managed to get some sleep after your "friend" started on you again Serious and I hope you've spoke to your DP and that he's telling her to leave.

Her behaviour doesn't sound normal but you've had enough to cope with,get your DP to get her to leave and then once she's gone I'd contact a close family member/friend of hers and let them know your worried about her unusual behaviour,I'd do that just for the sake of her son.

Notnownornever · 03/01/2017 08:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Maracattack · 03/01/2017 08:28

What zzzzz said, definitely!

You don't need this and your DD certainly doesn't. It doesn't sound like she'll be any loss and any mutual friends will either stay out of it or be absolutely understanding. Goodbye so-called friend!

Trifleorbust · 03/01/2017 08:30

Just tell her you're not happy about her behaviour and you would like her to go home.

FutureMrsRanj · 03/01/2017 08:33

Get her out of your house and out of your life asap!

ScrumpyBetty · 03/01/2017 08:33

Place marking with glee to wait for when she gets kicked out. Do it OP!

You could say to her: 'it's not working having you to stay. You have been mean and critical to me and DS, and you have been telling me how to behave in my own house. I'm afraid I am not putting up with this behaviour any more. You need to leave today. DS and I are going out to....at 10 and you need to be gone by then.'

notapizzaeater · 03/01/2017 08:34

Wow, just tell her to piss off. It's your house you choose what happens there.

dowhatnow · 03/01/2017 08:36

Stand up for your dd, if not for yourself.

OliviaStabler · 03/01/2017 08:41

I'm honestly exhausted by it now, but don't have the balls to ask her to leave.

If you don't, then you'll have to put up with her. Ask her to leave!

MeetTheMartian · 03/01/2017 08:47

I would tell her that, as she doesn't seem to enjoy her stay, then it's probably better if she goes back home.
I would do that with your DP there or even ask your DP to tell her if you don't feel strong enough.

I get why you don't feel like kicking her out. It's a hard thing to do anyway but even more when you already are feeling emotionally more fragile (with VERY good reasons!)
Flowers

mummyto2monkeys · 03/01/2017 08:51

I agree with the previous posters who thinks she may have a crush on your dp/dh. That would explain the crazy reaction to you having sex and the way she had been putting you and your DC down. She is already justifying it in her head, its OK to cheat with your dh because you are such as shit wife/ your dd is spoiled etc. Ask your dh if she has been flirting with him.

Either way she needs to go, you may not feel able to defend yourself but its time to let Mamabear take over! Nobody would be constantly running my DC down without being shown the door!

I am horrified that she felt it OK to come stay with you during such a private and emotional time! She is incredibly rude, insensitive and narcissistic!

I am so sorry for your loss opFlowers

Goldenhandshake · 03/01/2017 08:58

Does this 'friend' know about the miscarriage? Not that it really makes a difference to her rude, bullish, arsehole behaviour, however, if she does know, and is still being a dick, then you have every right to tell her to fuck off, with no politeness required.