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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have sex in my own house when we have guests?

350 replies

SeriousCreativeBlock · 03/01/2017 01:11

My friend and her 4 year old ds turned up at my house for New Years with the intention of staying six days (this is a whole other issue, she knows I have a deadline coming up next week and I am stressed). Her visit, and the last just before Christmas, has been a constant series of put downs ranging from remarking on my father's "failing business", questioning my parenting, naming my dd a sociopath and a "mini Donald Trump" (she's FOUR!) and gaslighting me regarding my mental illness.

This evening, at half 12 at night, dp and I had sex. We were very quiet, although the bed creaks slightly. Afterwards, I went into the kitchen where she launched into a tirade about how I could have waited until her son was asleep.

AIBU to think that a small child should really be asleep at 12:30, and that I should be able to have sex in my own house without being made to feel guilty? I feel like I'm being shamed for having an active sex life.

OP posts:
DrScholl · 03/01/2017 06:37

This thread is just ridiculous

bittapitta · 03/01/2017 06:38

Tell her sorry, your plans have changed, and she needs to leave today. No need to rage and throw her out, just faux apologetic that you as a family have other plans now.

Miserylovescompany2 · 03/01/2017 06:41

If you don't stand up to her she'll continue to wear you down. By the sounds of things she has some very SERIOUS issues, these aren't your problem. Sit her down, make sure it's not just you there with her and firmly tell her to LEAVE!

Then delete her from your life. This woman sounds like a sociopath. Believe me, it will get a hell of a lot worse unless you cut her out your life all together.

Thus far, she has...

Projected
Gas lighted
Manipulated
Belittled
Berated

...don't let her do anymore! Because she'll make you think that you are going insane to the point that you react to the chaos, then she'll twist and BLAME you.

Hold on to your sanity and get rid!

BewtySkoolDropowt · 03/01/2017 06:47

Sounds like her life is shit right now, especially if this is not her normal behaviour. She is getting to feel better by finding as many flaws in you and your family as possible.

I'd sit down with her and ask what the hell is going on with her, say that her behaviour is out of character and unacceptable.

How i would respond would then depend on what she said. If she says nothing is wrong and gets all defensive, then it's time to say sorry, but you are not putting up with the crap and its time for her to leave.

But if there is something else behind it (who invites themselves for 6 days at new year?) then you might feel differently.

Manumission · 03/01/2017 06:48

I wonder if I time to walk the dog before it kicks off?

zzzzz · 03/01/2017 06:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MommaGee · 03/01/2017 06:54

Tell hubby its his lucky week and he's getting sex every night til she goes. Even if its just bouncing on the bed to make it squeak!

ConvincingLiar · 03/01/2017 07:02

She needs to go.

FurryLittleTwerp · 03/01/2017 07:04

Snapchat your brother?? What is she? 12?

She has to go ASAP.

WTF was her 4yo doing being up listening in the first place, & how would he have known what a creaking bed suggested anyway? considers social service referral

ItsLikeRainOnYourWeddingDay · 03/01/2017 07:06

Op,you are quite the doormat aren't you! Man up and boot her out.

Manumission · 03/01/2017 07:07

I think I will zzzzz Smile

BabySnores · 03/01/2017 07:11

Lol if I got a text from a friend ranting like that I'd ask if:
Said sex was in front of dc
If both were screamers and shocked it
If she was completely pissed.

She sounds like a nightmare. Id tell her to leave and that you don't appreciate being berated in your own home. If she's not normally like that Id be worried why and talk to a mutual friend about it but definitely tell her to leave this morning.

Londonlady2015 · 03/01/2017 07:13

How unpleasant (although I'm looking forward to an update!)

BabySnores · 03/01/2017 07:14

I'd sit down with her and ask what the hell is going on with her, say that her behaviour is out of character and unacceptable.

How i would respond would then depend on what she said. If she says nothing is wrong and gets all defensive, then it's time to say sorry, but you are not putting up with the crap and its time for her to leave.

This, this is best.

ptumbi · 03/01/2017 07:15

I expect we'll get a drip of how the 'friend' has nowhere to go, and OP couldn't possibly throw her out at christmas....

GoodEyebrowDay · 03/01/2017 07:16

Does she fancy your dp?

Friend of mine would always get angry if she stayed over & I showed any affection towards my then dp. When we split up, guess who he went out with next...

Chickenagain · 03/01/2017 07:19

Time for her to go home.

zzzzz · 03/01/2017 07:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

differentnameforthis · 03/01/2017 07:23

She is not your friend.

Ohyesiam · 03/01/2017 07:25

Please find it in yourself to stand up to her.
Ask her to leave. Don't think about the " fallout "( only good will come of this, I promise). Just say those words" I need you to leave today"
If you don't like confrontation, keep it that simple. you don't need to explain any further.
Please look after yourself, and don't let this excuse for a friend upset you any further.

Blu · 03/01/2017 07:25

Is she jealous / envious if your life and relationship?

I would tell her that you are now back to work, so need the holiday season to be over.

"right, bank holiday over, I am back in work mode. It's been great having you but we're not on holiday any more, bye!" If you don't feel able to tackle her about her behaviour.

And your main objective is to get her to leave, yes?

frumpet · 03/01/2017 07:25

I wouldn't be able to resist going back to bed and making sure it squeaked as much as possible , with a few mock groans and moans thrown in for good measure Grin

MrsArthurShappey · 03/01/2017 07:25

Wow. This Christmas people really have gone to next level batshit!

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 03/01/2017 07:26

You're still in shock perhaps from your miscarriage and feel vulnerable so don't want to deal with a nasty row, is that why you're being so passive do you think?

The digs about your dad, sex life and house aside, she's being nasty to your child so that needs dealing with first thing, you have to defend her in her own house , you know that.

You have to tell her to leave and to fuck off permanently.

fitzbilly · 03/01/2017 07:26

This is shocking. I hope you kick her out soon op. She is no friend.