To have sex in my own house when we have guests?

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My friend and her 4 year old ds turned up at my house for New Years with the intention of staying six days (this is a whole other issue, she knows I have a deadline coming up next week and I am stressed). Her visit, and the last just before Christmas, has been a constant series of put downs ranging from remarking on my father's "failing business", questioning my parenting, naming my dd a sociopath and a "mini Donald Trump" (she's FOUR!) and gaslighting me regarding my mental illness.

This evening, at half 12 at night, dp and I had sex. We were very quiet, although the bed creaks slightly. Afterwards, I went into the kitchen where she launched into a tirade about how I could have waited until her son was asleep.

AIBU to think that a small child should really be asleep at 12:30, and that I should be able to have sex in my own house without being made to feel guilty? I feel like I'm being shamed for having an active sex life.

Dear me. You really need to learn to stand up for yourself!

Did she really turn up uninvited?! She sounds like a manipulative bully. Time to show her the door.

Not entirely uninvited, no. I expected her new years eve and perhaps a day after, but not right until the second her son goes back to school!

In the morning, firmly tell her to leave, and keep repeating that until she goes. If she hasn't gone by lunchtime, call the police for advice.

Although, it does sound as if she might be having some kind of breakdown. Still, send her to her parents or somewhere.

There's certain etiquette when staying/hosting friends.

I don't think it's unreasonable to have sex discretely when there are guests and IMO it's an unspoken rule that as a guest you just don't mention it.

All the other behaviour is just the icing on the cake.

She's a supposed friend. If she's having problems and being controlling then I think it's time she went elsewhere. She's not your responsibility.

Just tell her to get out. She is just causing more stress, she is no friend of yours.

Of course it's not unreasonable to have sex when you have a guest. It IS very unreasonable for a guest to let you know they heard you. And OUTRAGEOUSLY unreasonable to berate you for this.

Whether or not her DS was awake is irrelevant. I'm sure a 4 year old wouldn't understand what was happening.

Why the fuck would you brother be remotely interested in the fact his adult sister is having sex with her (presumably adult, human consenting) partner?

If I received a message from someone staying with my sister, telling me that she was listening to my sister and her partner getting jiggy, my only interest in the topic would be grave concern that they'd let some knicker sniffing pervert into their house who got their rocks off listening to them have sex and whether they wanted a hand in removing this nutjob from the house forthwith.

She sounds as if she is having some kind of a breakdown -- did she say why she wants to stay for so long when you were only expecting a visit of a couple of nights?
But you should not have to deal with her problems or her appalling behaviour. Show her the door in the morning.

She's going to snap chat your brother if it happens again? What does she anticipate he's going to do?

If you can't throw her out enlist your partners help I bet he won't have any misgivings about telling her where to go

She won't need to worry about it happening again as she's going home at 9am right?

She sounds awful. Try and build yourself up, tell her it isn't working and she needs to leave. It will feel scarey at the time but will be such a relief once she's gone.

Have to admit I wouldn't have sex if I had guests and knew the bed would make noise. Maybe I'm just a private person but would be a big turn off knowing other people could hear.

Bloody hell! Does she know about mc? You are NOT being over sensitive she is being INsensitive!

If someone messaged my brother to tell him I'd had sex in my own home with my partner he's piss himself laughing then message them back to stop being a puritanical uptight dick!! And if they were treating me like this HE would tell em to fuck off out my house!

Where is your dp in all this?

She is definitely NO friend and as someone with mh issues myself I'm shocked at people suggesting that being a bitch is a symptom of mental breakdown.

At the very very least give her an easy breakfast then say 'you clearly don't enjoy being here and don't like me or my family, or even my decor, so best you leave soon as'.

I'm truly baffled by anyone that treats someone like this in their own house BUT more so when someone allows themselves to be treated like this is their own home! Tell her to leave and block her from your life. She is not your friend.

Does your brother think you have bunk beds in your room like?

So your dc and her dc are the same age. And she wants to let your brother know you have been having sex.I think the child in question is the giveaway.

Get up in the morning,open the door and fling her out.Seriously just get rid.Dont make excuses just get rid of her.You will be well rid.

Plus who really cares what she thinks.

Wtf? Why are you letting her stay? Sling her out first thing in the morning, shut the door and never look back. You don't need that shit in your life.

Ask your brother to support you when you ask her to leave in the morning. Maybe he could explain to her that people threatening to Snapchat stuff like this says more about the person doing that than the person having sex.

Please don't put yourself through this. No matter how unpleasant a brief scene in the morning might be, it HAS to be better that having someone like this in your own home for the next few days.

Good luck and so sorry about your miscarriage.

Jeez!!! If she has a car there I'd get the keys and chuck all her stuff into it and tell her to get out and never come back. A good time to do that is... right about now. Grab all her day clothes and let her go home in her dressing gown. What.a.bitch.

Take care of yourself, you deserve it. Have a glass of this nice Chardonnay, there's still enough left. Hugs to you.

I agree with everyone that she sounds like a total dick. Can I ask one question out of nosiness? Why is she back for so long when she was there just before Christmas? Does she stay at yours a lot? If so, why so much?

Another one voting for sending her right back where she came from. With friends like that, who needs enemies.

Personally I'd have told her to leave because of all the other stuff but to tell her friends that you are having sex is an appalling breach of your/DH's privacy.

If it wasn't for the child I'd say throw her out immediately but as it is ask her to leave immediately after an early breakfast.

You say you aren't brave enough to throw her out but ask yourself what would she have to do to get you to stand up for yourself??

She's bullying your DD.
She's bullying you.
She isn't a good friend, she's not even a tolerable guest.

Tell her she has to leave after her dreadful behaviour.

I often wonder about people like your friend. When I am sat at home thinking I really would like to go to my friends for an a coffee and a chat, but would NEVER invite myself over. There really are people who have no qualms in dropping themselves on people!! Wft.
I would tell her that she needs to take her son to the GP, because if he was able to understand what was going on behind a closed bedroom door, well he knows too much he shouldn't or he's a bloody superhero with x ray vision. Oh and on the parenting front following her comment from earlier I would suggest she and her DS ought to be in bed when they are guests in someone's home before they are. Manners cost nothing.

You did nothing wrong. Jealousy ! Just jealous!

If you don't have the balls to throw her out, will your DP do it for you and take the 'heat'?

Wow. With friends like her who needs enemies? She really is something.