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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have sex in my own house when we have guests?

350 replies

SeriousCreativeBlock · 03/01/2017 01:11

My friend and her 4 year old ds turned up at my house for New Years with the intention of staying six days (this is a whole other issue, she knows I have a deadline coming up next week and I am stressed). Her visit, and the last just before Christmas, has been a constant series of put downs ranging from remarking on my father's "failing business", questioning my parenting, naming my dd a sociopath and a "mini Donald Trump" (she's FOUR!) and gaslighting me regarding my mental illness.

This evening, at half 12 at night, dp and I had sex. We were very quiet, although the bed creaks slightly. Afterwards, I went into the kitchen where she launched into a tirade about how I could have waited until her son was asleep.

AIBU to think that a small child should really be asleep at 12:30, and that I should be able to have sex in my own house without being made to feel guilty? I feel like I'm being shamed for having an active sex life.

OP posts:
rollonthesummer · 03/01/2017 14:15

Why haven't you checked her out?!

Tell her that Christmas is over and you want your house back now-today! Are you funding her three meals a day!?

LaContessaDiPlump · 03/01/2017 14:18

It feels a little like the op is being bullied into dealing with a bully. Let's stick to constructive statements, shall we?

op, well done on sending that message - it must have been hard to do, and scary. Just remember that however angry she gets and how much she shouts, YOU ARE NOT IN THE WRONG. At all. Even a little bit. You are perfectly entitled to not want her in your house anymore and to express this Thanks

justalittlelemondrizzle · 03/01/2017 14:29

I've been following this since last night and I can't believe you haven't said something. When she spoke to you last night you should have said there and then that if she didn't like it to go home and you will do as you please in your own home! I really hope you didn't apologise or try to justify yourself.
I personally wouldn't have anything to do with someone who treated my dc like that. Let alone let then stay at my house.
When you get home tell her in the nicest possible way to do one!

acatcalledjohn · 03/01/2017 14:30

OP, am I right in understanding she is in your home, alone with her child?

Do you trust her to treat it with respect now that you've called her out on her awful behaviour?

If I were you I'd be prepared to find damage/theft and her gone when you get back. And if she's not gone get your DP to throw her out.

after having loud, orgasmic sex

justalittlelemondrizzle · 03/01/2017 14:32

Ooo missed the update since I last read through. That's a good start op. I hope after she has left you end this friendship. She sounds toxic 😕

Meridien · 03/01/2017 14:35

I seriously think you should have the police present when you go home, for your own safety, to make sure she leaves, and as witnesses to any damage done to your home. They can call a photographer to record any damage before you get a chance to touch anything. Telling them you have a young child possibly in danger is helpful.

thatdearoctopus · 03/01/2017 14:38

I seriously think you should have the police present when you go home, for your own safety, to make sure she leaves, and as witnesses to any damage done to your home.

Wtf??? Shock What possible grounds do you have for suggesting that? And as if the police haven't got better things to do with their time!

SapphireStrange · 03/01/2017 14:38

The sex thing aside, what kind of friend visits when they know you'll be busy and stressed; constantly puts you down, insults your child and is cruel about your illness?

Kick her out.

DrScholl · 03/01/2017 14:39

The police. Fgs get a life. Think they might be busy

QueenMortificado · 03/01/2017 14:39

I really am seeing the irony in a thread about someone asking for help about a bullying houseguest and instead getting called names, being made demands of and some posters having a go at her.

Agree Contessa

Maverickismywingman · 03/01/2017 14:43

Just read the update. Well done OP.

Hope you're ok

Borntoflyinfirst · 03/01/2017 15:04

I've read this whole thread and I'm staggered at how extreme some responses are. Up until recently this person has been OPs FRIEND! She says herself her behaviour is unusual and she's only been like this recently. I think the OP did absolutely the right thing telling her she's upsetting her and asking what the problem is. There must be more to this than even the OP knows at the moment. Perhaps I'm being naive.....

WellErrr · 03/01/2017 15:15

have the police present

😂😂

Seriously though, some of the posters here need to have a little reflect on their own behaviour....

dinosaurkisses · 03/01/2017 15:22

A lot of these responses are really unfair on OP- she's already explained how she doesn't feel up to a big confrontation, so if she thinks she's best able to address it over text then that's how it is.

It's very easy to say someone has no backbone when you have the benefit of speaking from a keyboard, but it's another thing altogether when this person is in your house and you're facing ruining what was until now, a friendship.

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 03/01/2017 15:22

Shamelessly placemarking for the final show down, best of luck op I hope you get rid tonight as she sounds toxic

Delatron · 03/01/2017 15:28

I think though that the impact on op's mental state would be far greater if the 'guest' stays than if she politely asks her to leave no? Her husband has already offered to do it and she could just say she has other guests arriving. I understand she doesn't feel up to a confrontation but this friend needs to leave asap. OP needs her home back.

zzzzz · 03/01/2017 16:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhereYouLeftIt · 03/01/2017 16:08

"DP really wants to get involved and tell her off, but I'm trying to hold him off for now."
Well you need to stop that. This is his home too (and his sex life too!).

You say you're not up to confronting her. Fine, Let your DP do it. But get this woman out of your home ASAP.

memyselfandaye · 03/01/2017 16:41

dinosaur Your comments are aimed at me because I said the OP should grow a backbone.

Yes it's easy for me to say from "behind a keyboard" and it would be really bloody easy for me to throw any friend out of my house if they dared to blackmail me, threatening to send a snapchat of the OP having sex warrents throwing out and telling her never to speak to her again.

The OP would'nt be ending the friendship, the friend did that as soon as she made the threat.

QODRestYeMerryGentlemen · 03/01/2017 16:52

💐
She's a bitch

TitaniasCloset · 03/01/2017 17:31

Some of you are getting a bit carried away. She hasn't taken a shit on the carpet, she is just being rude and a bit weird. I wondered if she fancies the op dh too. Let us know what happens!

Branleuse · 03/01/2017 17:37

I hope she leaves without a fuss. She sounds hideous, and tbh OP, you sound like you need some assertiveness training

BintyMcGinty · 03/01/2017 17:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

bestofboth · 03/01/2017 17:59

if you aren't having us on then stop posting on social media about her and tell her to fuck off. Seriously if this is real then people like the OP wind me up.
If she's really making your life so bad then get her out. Your house your rules.

CockacidalManiac · 03/01/2017 18:02

I'm not sure why people put up with all these nutty friends, weird relatives, and dysfunctional in laws.
MN is full of this stuff, especially over Christmas; life's far too short to put up with this shit from other people.

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