To have sex in my own house when we have guests?

[SeriousCreativeBlock]

My friend and her 4 year old ds turned up at my house for New Years with the intention of staying six days (this is a whole other issue, she knows I have a deadline coming up next week and I am stressed). Her visit, and the last just before Christmas, has been a constant series of put downs ranging from remarking on my father's "failing business", questioning my parenting, naming my dd a sociopath and a "mini Donald Trump" (she's FOUR!) and gaslighting me regarding my mental illness.

This evening, at half 12 at night, dp and I had sex. We were very quiet, although the bed creaks slightly. Afterwards, I went into the kitchen where she launched into a tirade about how I could have waited until her son was asleep.

AIBU to think that a small child should really be asleep at 12:30, and that I should be able to have sex in my own house without being made to feel guilty? I feel like I'm being shamed for having an active sex life.

Knock on the door and tell her that you will see her when she can be nicer.

Absolutely what QuandryQueen said. Your so called friend has to go. She cannot treat you like this!

Your DP offered to sort this out and you declined then on your own head be it. Maybe your DP is thinking of you and your loss and sees that you are distressed.

Hang on - if she was lounging around in bed at gone 10am, where was her 4 year old? Was she assuming you'd be watching him?

where was her 4 year old?

If she feels that it is reasonable to have a 4 year old still up and about (and listening to people having near-silent sex in another room) then the child is probably still asleep.

I would let your DP have words as well if he is so keen to. She needs to see that her behaviour is unacceptable not just to you, that way she can't turn around when you say something and go 'well dp has no issue with me' etc.

She definitely needs to leave asap.

Why would anyone think it was ok to stay for so long (twice in quick succession) when she has to sleep in your living room?! It's 3 Jan now - time for things to be getting back to normal, including you having your own space back.

Please post again to tell us you've shown her the door!

I really don't understand. You thought she was staying one or two nights, she's now invited herself for six. She is rude and in your way. Just tell her you have plans, you only thought she was staying a couple of nights and it doesn't work for her to stay any longer. It's not difficult??

You know what? All this ‘excuse me, but... ‘, ‘I’d appreciate it if... ‘ is not appropriate. This fruitcake is dangerous and you and especially ds need her to be out of your home right now, this minute. You need dh there for backup, don’t do this on your own. Get ds home straightaway, then tell her to get out, she has 10 minutes to go then you’re calling the police. How did you get so far down and out of perspective that this is still going on? She’s only one step away from violence to you and/or ds. What if she’s in your kitchen with a knife in arm’s reach? I speak from experience. Please, please do this. We’re here supporting you and I’m certain I’m not the only one who’s experienced extreme behaviour like this and know what kind of threat this is. Take it seriously, you’re not seeing how serious this is right now. Please, please get her out. If you don’t and this thread goes silent, we’re all going to worry like crazy. You posted here for help, didn’t you? We’re unanimous in seeing this. Please get rid of her right now. Whatever is going on in her life, or her head, is not your responsibility.

Why not ask her if she is having a nice time? Any any negative comment in her response gives you a doorway to say.. "that's a shame, it is a long stay. I is probably for the best if you go home." Then start helping her pack! Take no crap and don't be blackmailed with sex snapchats!

Still there, eh?

This is bonkers.

Just ask her to leave!

Seriously, she's crazy and cruel and you shouldn't put up with that kind of behaviour in your own house. Tell her to leave and never see her again.

I think I would have kicked her arse out last night, if I hadn't dp certainly would have.

Bloody hell. Just tell her to leave

Has OP been back again yet?

I hate to think of her child being awake that late, then sleeping late. How the hell will they cope at school?

Bloody hell

She isn't a friend. Tell her to leave

Surely this isn't real? How can anyone allow this behaviour in their own home? Op if you haven't the guts to do it for yourself FFS protect your child from this bullying woman. If you can't summon up the courage to boot her out then let your husband do it. 🙄

She sounds like she is very jealous of you.

Just a quick update while I'm still out. I've told her very frankly how she's making me and my daughter feel and that I feel like she's not having a good time at mine since she's been very hostile towards us. Waiting on the reply now.

.

There is something going on with this friend surely, to make her behave this way. I'm with manu in thinking she's trying to get away from something - the terrible behaviour (which if I understand correctly is not in character), staying away from home for extended periods - twice over the holidays, being awake with her child so late...

My initial thought is that she has serious money problems. Maybe she's no credit on her electric key, or she's avoiding a landlord or bailiffs.

But (and this is a very big but), you are not in the right place to deal with this. I suggest sending her on her way, but getting in touch with any mutual friends you have to discuss what's happened.

I'm not going to have a go at you (unlike many other posters) for being a doormat. This whole bizarre situation has taken you by surprise - most decent, reasonable people would be similarly flummoxed. It doesn't make you weak.

Was that face to face OP or via text?

Well done either way - did you also ask her to leave?