To have sex in my own house when we have guests?

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My friend and her 4 year old ds turned up at my house for New Years with the intention of staying six days (this is a whole other issue, she knows I have a deadline coming up next week and I am stressed). Her visit, and the last just before Christmas, has been a constant series of put downs ranging from remarking on my father's "failing business", questioning my parenting, naming my dd a sociopath and a "mini Donald Trump" (she's FOUR!) and gaslighting me regarding my mental illness.

This evening, at half 12 at night, dp and I had sex. We were very quiet, although the bed creaks slightly. Afterwards, I went into the kitchen where she launched into a tirade about how I could have waited until her son was asleep.

AIBU to think that a small child should really be asleep at 12:30, and that I should be able to have sex in my own house without being made to feel guilty? I feel like I'm being shamed for having an active sex life.

Aye that's a very real possibility too.

You don't need to tell her how she is making you feel you just need to tell her to leave! Say you have plans, other people arriving etc. Don't pander to her just say you are unable to host her any longer. Simple!

Have you just texted her about it while you are out? Can your dh go back with you and back you up? Hope you are ok, what an awful situation!

Bloody hell shes being an arse!! Are you sure she's just bit jealous!? Sounds like it to me. Also ffs why tell all your friends?! Is she telling them every time you go to the toilet too? Eat, drink ... all the other normal things grown ups do!!
As for picking holes in your child's behaviour ..... pull her up on that immediately!! And her kid isn't asleep by 12.30 am ...... really?! She's not a very good parent then surely!!!
You're DEFINITELY not being unreasonable at all

By the way, your friends will think her messages about you having sex are bonkers. She's already helped you in demonstrating that she's not being remotely reasonable and that you are not in the wrong, even if she's exaggerated.

How can you be waiting on a response?? Didn't you speak to her face? What did she say in reply?

Well done OP - good for you. Sounds good and assertive too!

Not nearly assertive enough, imo. Do you think she cares how she made you feel? Listen OP, I'm very sympathetic to your situation, but you really MUST simply and straightforwardly ask her to leave.

I've told her very frankly

What you should have done is to go into her room at 9, get her and her child up and dressed and told them to leave. How the fuck does she think she is?

Telling her how you feel is feeding her ego, giving her what she wants - power over you. Just chuck her out. Strip the bed, chuck her things out of the bathroom, put everything of hers out on the front path/drive/garden/whatever. Just do it. Be angry, it's a great emotion to have on your side.

She's in your living room asleep at 10 o'clock and has been rude and obnoxious to you all for 6 days and she's still there. She would have been long gone the moment she spoke out of turns

Can't you just say you have another guest Coming to stay and you need the room? Or ask when she is planning on heading back home?

Say oh sorry didn't realise you wanted to join in? Come in to our room at 10pm this eve

Just a quick update while I'm still out. I've told her very frankly how she's making me and my daughter feel and that I feel like she's not having a good time at mine since she's been very hostile towards us. Waiting on the reply now.

Very well put. It gets right to the actual point of what is going on and gives you something to work with. It also focuses on her - on how it's affecting her - so it doesn't sound accusatory. She can't claim you are trying to make her feel bad.

If she gets upset or confrontational from that then it's really not you - it's her.

Good start.

How she made you feel?

You're waiting on a response?

Wtf?

Follow up the message with a 'I think it's time you went home, just pull the door closed when you leave'

Ffs woman, you must sort this stuff out!

Don't let her walk all over you!

You don't think she's after your DP do you?

oh come on OP time to grow a pair...
You are waiting for a response?? For what ??? For her to berate you in your own home.
Enough!! Text her again if you can't see her face to face and tell her to be gone by the time you get home to YOUR house

So unless I missed something here, a 'friend' is staying with you, she TOLD YOU how long she is staying, has behaved abysmally during her stay, your DH doesn't want her there, she has verbally (mentally) abused your child, complained about you having sex, sleeping on your couch until TEN AM ( what is her own DC doing? Sleeping? Are you baby sitting?) Then you have a chat about her behaviour so she throws a hissy fit!! Here's a thing, tell her to leave RIGHT now!!! Not in ten minutes, pack and leave, you said you had a miscarriage two weeks ago! FFS!!! You need rest and relaxation, quiet time with your little family, get that bitch thrown out today!

The phrase, 'Im sorry but we need some space, you need to go back to your house today, do you need help with packing?' could be used!

Poor OP! I know what it's like to try and please everyone, and everyone telling you to grow a pair is really not helping. Your "friend"'s behaviour towards you and especially your DD is unacceptable, and she needs to go - not only from your flat but also from your life. And that's what you should tell her.

Well it's a start, OP. A tentative start, but better than nothing. You really do need to ask her to leave, that sort of behaviour shouldn't be tolerated or witnessed by your daughter.

Jealousy , the only reason people behave like this

Fucking hell OP grow a backbone, you are allowing her to stay in your house even though she tried to blackmail you.

Why are'nt you angry and why won't you kick her out of your home and your life?

You need to stop being a doormat.

This woman sounds like she has some serious issues, but they are neither yours to fix or take the abuse for, OP. The first one of you to get home needs to give her her marching orders.

I've not read the whole 12 page thread.just the op bit at the start....this woman..is not a friend..not a bit .not in the slightest