Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have sex in my own house when we have guests?

350 replies

SeriousCreativeBlock · 03/01/2017 01:11

My friend and her 4 year old ds turned up at my house for New Years with the intention of staying six days (this is a whole other issue, she knows I have a deadline coming up next week and I am stressed). Her visit, and the last just before Christmas, has been a constant series of put downs ranging from remarking on my father's "failing business", questioning my parenting, naming my dd a sociopath and a "mini Donald Trump" (she's FOUR!) and gaslighting me regarding my mental illness.

This evening, at half 12 at night, dp and I had sex. We were very quiet, although the bed creaks slightly. Afterwards, I went into the kitchen where she launched into a tirade about how I could have waited until her son was asleep.

AIBU to think that a small child should really be asleep at 12:30, and that I should be able to have sex in my own house without being made to feel guilty? I feel like I'm being shamed for having an active sex life.

OP posts:
HerRoyalFattyness · 03/01/2017 10:25

Wow. She's massively taking the piss

ohtheholidays · 03/01/2017 10:26

Then knock the door and wake her up,it's gone 10 it's not like it's first thing in the morning and then once she's up get your DP to tell her to leave!

PrimalLass · 03/01/2017 10:26

Yes, YABU to have sex in the house while a guest can hear you. It is very rude.

She is a bellend. But it is a completely different issue.

SouthWindsWesterly · 03/01/2017 10:28

Fuck that! Knock on the door and wake her up. She has been absolutely rude to someone who is hosting her. A note would be left to interpretation. Saying that, I would have let DH have a word as she sees you as a easy push

HanShootsFirst · 03/01/2017 10:28

You're not ready to tell her to leave JUST yet? What exactly is the step too far you're waiting for? Actually snapchatting your brother? Updates on FB? Live webcam?

She's already gone miles too far. Let your DH deal with her and if you're lucky she'll be so offended you never have to host her again.

coconutpie · 03/01/2017 10:31

What? You're not ready to ask her to leave just yet? What more awful stuff has she to do before you tell her to GTFO?

Big girl pants on and kick her out.

Manumission · 03/01/2017 10:33

Are you sure she's not on the run from the law or similar?

Two stays this holiday, bad mood, no sign of leaving....Hmm

keepingonrunning · 03/01/2017 10:39

If she is unstable she could trash your house if you leave a note.
Wait till she is already out of your house (say you need more bread/milk/wine or something) then don't let her back in. Leave her packed bag on the doorstep.
Explaining all her misdemeanours will be pointless and get you no-where, except to mark you out as an ongoing target.

Milklollies · 03/01/2017 10:39

I think you have a weak character if you're waiting around for excuses from her. Woman up and kick that nutcase out of your house. If this is how she behaves inside your house I can guarantee that psychopath attacks you a million times more outside your house. Now you have an answer and I suggest you kick her out because there really isn't anymore to this.

stitchglitched · 03/01/2017 10:39

You seem to care more about the sex issue than the fact that she is bullying your child. Seriously, why are you tolerating that?

Hissy · 03/01/2017 10:40

You have to wake her up, she needs to go out and to be honest she needs to go

If you can't do it, let dp tell her to go.

Honestly, don't put up with a second more of this.

If you want to be charitable, tell her that she has the time you're out and about to pack and go home

It doesn't matter if you offend her, she's not going to be in your life ever again, and anyone who knows her, knows how you've been treated would understand.

She's so far out of line she's orbiting Pluto

user1471545174 · 03/01/2017 10:45

I still don't understand, OP. Your DP offered to solve your problem. You discouraged him and so you still have the problem. Where is he now, is he close enough to come home and evict her?

LittleMermaidRose · 03/01/2017 10:46

"Listen, we're not really up to having visitors right now, & we don't appreciate your negative attitude or the comments you've been making - it's affecting our whole family. You will need to find somewhere else to stay immediately."

If you don't want to say it yourself, ask your DP to say it. She's been so mean & nasty. I feel like there must be something going on in her life for her to be acting this was towards you (probably jealousy) but that's no excuse. Doesn't sound like a real friend to me.

Hissy · 03/01/2017 10:46

My guess is that she's awake already, knew you were going out and is waiting until you go to get up

Go and bang on the door now

"I was hoping you'd be up earlier, I've waited to speak to you but now I have to go out so it's changed the plan a bit.

This visit isn't working out, we're not enjoying having you here, your comments, criticisms of me and my family are totally unacceptable. Your treatment of my child unforgivable. You made the presumption that it's ok to just land on me for as long as you want, with this behaviour I have to say that it's most definitely not.

I'd appreciate if you pack up and go home now.

I'm not about to discuss this in anyway, it's all I can do to remain calm as it is. You need to leave, and there will be no more contact between us.

Mix56 · 03/01/2017 10:49

Sorry that "friend" has turned on you.
At the very next rude, undermining, gas lighting, bitchy snub. (shouldn't take long)
I would say, You know "Anne", it is clear that you don't like me, I wonder what you are actually doing in my house? Anyway that's enough. I have decided it is time for you to leave. if I want to have sex with DH in my own home, I will

timelytess · 03/01/2017 10:49

She's still there? Is this for real? Not saying you're a troll or anything, OP, but you really need to remove your unpleasant guest forthwith. I'll check back in half an hour...

GeillisTheWitch · 03/01/2017 10:49

If she is unstable she could trash your house if you leave a note

Yeah, this. I'd be worried about what this fruit loop would do if left alone after being confronted. Wait until your DP is there too, kick her arse out.

EweAreHere · 03/01/2017 10:51

What hissy said.

This is no way to live your own life in your own home, even for a few days, .

Please don't let someone make you feel even worse and pick on your little girl in your own home.

Sorry for your loss. x

0SometimesIWonder · 03/01/2017 10:54

Hmm, what timelytess says.

QuandryQueen · 03/01/2017 10:56

I'd knock on her door and pop a head in "hi x. After our conversation last night I think it best you and ds make a move today. Obviously living in close quarters is getting to you so I think in the spirit of maintaining our friendship wed be better off each in our own homes. I'm off out now so take whatever time you need to grab your stuff together and just pull the door shut behind you"

Then just walk out. Don't engage in discussion.

woesinwonderland · 03/01/2017 10:58

She is being massively unreasonable as a guest, however I do think if you want to have sex when a guest is there you should do it on the floor where creaky beds do not have to be heard trying to block out the memories of dp's having sex whilst we had a house full of guests

liz70 · 03/01/2017 11:03

OP you really need to get tough. If my own mother spoke to me like that (she never would) in my own home, I would boot her out, no questions asked. Never mind an arsehole of a non "friend" who is nothing more than a nasty, poisonous bitch. Get her the fuck out of your home and cut all contact with this entirely dispensible waste of space. You really don't need people her in your life.

MrsHathaway · 03/01/2017 11:03

I'm so very sorry for your loss - what awful timing and too. Flowers

I won't have sex when we have house guests, but we hardly ever have anyone over for more than one or maybe two nights and we've never had longer-term visitors when we've been ttc. "When does she think we're going to have sex?" Well, in a few days' time apparently.

But even if you were having noisy and kinky sex, she has been an unconscionably rude guest and ought to have been given her marching orders days ago, particularly since you and DH are back at work. It's totally weird of her not to get the hint.

Very best wishes for your "sticky" in 2017.

rollonthesummer · 03/01/2017 11:06

Why would you let someone speak to you like that in your own home? I don't really understand why she is still there?

She says-I can't believe you did that when my child was awake, I've told everyone and if you do it again, I'm telling your brother.

You say-What?! I think it's time you left!

Bauble16 · 03/01/2017 11:12

Op. To be blunt you sound terrified to upset someone else. Even if it's deserved. This attracts entitled users, I know this personally!

She sees no boundaries but your not applying any. You aren't wrong or mean to not allow her to stay. In future just make excuses or remind her why truthfully. But don't tolerate her, she can't even treat you with basic respect. You owe her nothing.