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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to find the following reply about a Christmas present rude?

564 replies

Hellsbells35 · 02/01/2017 09:30

I sent a text to my brother asking if my nephew liked the Christmas present we gave him, and was shocked to receive the following:

"He wasn't impressed I'm afraid. Never really got into Lego as a kid, and now he is 16. Sorry."

I know I asked the question, but I really wasn't expecting that reply and find it quite hurtful as I had paid £40 on the gift. I wasn't really sure how to respond. Tempted to say let's not do presents anymore.

Basically they give you a list of presents they want and if you go off list and try and be thoughtful or imaginative you get it thrown back in your face.

OP posts:

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Sunshine59 · 02/01/2017 09:53

I think the message back was really rude, and could have been worded a lot better. However seriously why would you give a pirate lego set to a 16 year old? What are they into football? Clothes? I have my 15 year old nephew a £20 gift voucher for sports direct so they could choose whatever they wanted. I'd much rather spend money knowing that they can then buy something they truly want

NormaSmuff · 02/01/2017 09:53

i also think it is far too much money to spend on a nephew.
do you always spend so much?
do you have dc yourself op?

llangennith · 02/01/2017 09:53

Rude text but really, Lego for a 16 year old? (whatever kind of Lego set it was). Why didn't you ask the parents first?

AliceInUnderpants · 02/01/2017 09:53

3/10

hellsbells99 · 02/01/2017 09:54

Is this a reverse?

Bauble16 · 02/01/2017 09:54

I can see both sides to this. No 16 year old really likes Lego. Unless you knew he was into it then it's a bit of a Gamble. I think your brother was been honest as it's a big waste tbh

Yetanothernewyearusername · 02/01/2017 09:54

What did you give him last year or for his birthday?

If it was a one off fail then I would have been less inclined to tell you even if directly asked.

Original poster

Hellsbells35 · 02/01/2017 09:54

He is an unusual 16 year old. And I had thought this would be up his street. I would even like it myself really. It was supposed to be a fun gift. I know he likes chess, and my brothers are both lego fans...so I had thought this was a great idea. Obviously not.

OP posts:

harderandharder2breathe · 02/01/2017 09:54

Lego for a 16 year old who isn't known to be into lego isn't a particularly thoughtful gift

If the list is reasonable price wise, why wouldn't you buy something from it that you know he'll like? If it's all expensive stuff, use it as inspiration or get s voucher towards something on it

Upanddownroundandround · 02/01/2017 09:54

I was expecting to agree with you from your title but sorry. No, YWBU buying such a silly present for a 16 yr old. Lego at 16 is unusual and not something an average teen is in to therefore you should have checked he wanted it or had any interest in Lego. My DC don't get many presents so if one of their two uncles sent a pointless gift I would be disappointed and would answer honestly if asked as your DB did. If he answered politely but untruthfully Lego is the kind of present you could be buying for him for years. What a waste.

I honestly think if you are an Auntie who cares about your DN you should send the receipt or collect it and return it yourself and buy a voucher or something he would enjoy. This way £40 is not going to waste. You should be caring about the recepitant of the gift not yourself. Everyone gets the wrong thing occasionally but don't be selfish about it.

mydietstartsmonday · 02/01/2017 09:54

He is 16, your gift wasn't well thought out and not made with him in mind. DB was probably perplexed as to way you bought him such a gift.
I wonder what your reaction would be if someone bought you something that was not you. You got an honest answer to your question. You bought him something totally outside his character.

CombineBananaFister · 02/01/2017 09:54

Reply was a too blunt but maybe he didnt want you to waste such a lot of money in the future? I wouldn't buy it for a 16yr old but probably would for my geeky 41yr old DH.

SatsukiKusakabe · 02/01/2017 09:55

Aaaaarrrr the scurvy dog, make him walk the plank.

MrsCharlieD · 02/01/2017 09:55

I think his response was rude, however I think ywbu to buy a 16 yo logo with no prior knowledge of if he was into it. The teen us probably thinking of what he could have done with £40 if you'd just given him the money. Personally I always ask my db what my nephews would like as I want them to have something they will actually like so I ask for a list and I pick something within my price range.

However a response mire along the lines of "I'm really sorry but he's not into lego. Thank you for thinking of him though" would have been kinder.

BurnTheBlackSuit · 02/01/2017 09:56

My 6 year old just saw me looking at the Lego pirate chess and thinks it looks great

Upanddownroundandround · 02/01/2017 09:57

I'be just noticed it was the Lego chess set.That is for children imo. I considered it for my 9 year old.

DaisyDanzel · 02/01/2017 09:57

The reply you got was a little tactless but you asked the question and he answered it truthfully. If it had been worded more nicely would you still be saying you want to suggest no more presents? It was thoughtful of you to buy something you thought he would like but seems daft to lie about liking it.

I don't know why so many people are list bashing!? My family have always done this for each other. I'm not in the least bit "grabby" but I want to buy someone a gift they would actually like/is useful, just as much as I would like that consideration in return. As opposed to getting 15 box set of smellies, and then needing to buy that useful thing I could have got for Christmas myself!

Toohardtofindaproperusername · 02/01/2017 09:58

Ratger than throw toys out if the prom maybe you could offer to search for the receipt so that your nephew could take it back and get something he would really like. I do this with niece and nephew because I would rather they have something they want than stick something in a cupboard and smile and say thank you for a gift they will never use.
Lego might be popular for adults but like people say, it's a bit "niche/particular" so you would need to know they were into it. If I were you I'd be apologising and laughing that I git it so wrong, and finding a way to get it more right.

SatsukiKusakabe · 02/01/2017 09:58

I love Lego by the way and have happily received it as a gift. Your brother was being blunt (aren't all brothers? Mine certainly are) but probably couldn't resist it.

MrsMattBomer · 02/01/2017 09:58

Well it was a bit rude.

But... you are being thick giving Lego to a 16 year old. Yes, some adults like it but generally they will tell you if they do. An average 16yo probably is going to be a bit miffed if they get given Lego unless they've specifically asked for it.

JacquesHammer · 02/01/2017 09:59

Actually this isn't the slightest bit about whether it's an appropriate present.

The reply you received was unbelievably rude OP. I would now instigate a "no gifts post 16" rule.

JanuaryMoods · 02/01/2017 10:00

My 35 year old DS had a Lego dragon for Christmas.

It's thick to say 16 year olds don't like Lego. Some do. Some adults still do. Best to check first, though.

Foxysoxy01 · 02/01/2017 10:00

I am going to go against the grain here and say as a novelty gift I quite like it

I am pretty indifferent to LEGO but I would quite like it as a cute gift and am pretty sure I would of liked it at 16 too.

Taken a small poll of my family and they all agree they would quite like it as a gift (although my 70 yr old mother wasn't so keen)

I do think it's odd that if given a gift you wouldn't just say 'thank you it's lovely, thank you for thinking of me'

I hate these lists of things to buy, seems very grabby and spoilt!

Bettyspants · 02/01/2017 10:00

If my DH liked chess he would have thought the Lego chess set very funny (gets the architect stuff occasionally as a de stress) but a 16 year old well it's just a bit daft. The brothers reply wasn't exactly sensitive but just what my FB would say!! I suggest something along the lines of ' oh bugger should have stuck to the list send it back and I'll give him the money '

DurhamDurham · 02/01/2017 10:00

An aunt of mine bought my girls a skipping rope each when they were 16 and 12, luckily they had been pre-warned to politely say thank you very much, so convincing were they that I thought they genuinely liked them

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