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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to find the following reply about a Christmas present rude?

564 replies

Hellsbells35 · 02/01/2017 09:30

I sent a text to my brother asking if my nephew liked the Christmas present we gave him, and was shocked to receive the following:

"He wasn't impressed I'm afraid. Never really got into Lego as a kid, and now he is 16. Sorry."

I know I asked the question, but I really wasn't expecting that reply and find it quite hurtful as I had paid £40 on the gift. I wasn't really sure how to respond. Tempted to say let's not do presents anymore.

Basically they give you a list of presents they want and if you go off list and try and be thoughtful or imaginative you get it thrown back in your face.

OP posts:
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5
500internalerror · 02/01/2017 10:01

That set is one of only a few things in the Lego sale - so I'm guessing it's not very popular. Maybe because nobody can work out the target audience!

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 02/01/2017 10:01

Ok, I came on here to defend the Lego - DS still loves it at 13 - but even he, who collects hundreds of sets, would have struggled to be polite about that chess set. And it's NOT aimed at an older audience at all - it's for ages 7+.

If your nephew loves chess - which is the only reason for getting it that I can see as he's not into Lego - there are some gorgeous chess sets available which are properly elegant and grown up. If he doesn't love chess or Lego then - WTF!?! Confused

Blu · 02/01/2017 10:02

Do you have teens yourself, OP?

I could understand it if he was really into chess, but even then £40 for what would be a novelty ...

All the 16 yo boys I know would be nonplussed to receive Lego, and some would embarrassed to have it in their rooms.

My DS swapped a present given by an aunt with something his female cousin had.

But he will nevertheless be sending a thank you note.

Your brother was rude but honest. It would be a shame for all the younger generation not to get any presents in future just because you had an arrack of the batty this year Wink .

Teens are generally v specific, so lists are helpful, and increasingly they really appreciate money or vouchers.

SatsukiKusakabe · 02/01/2017 10:02

When adults like Lego it's usually because it tallies with another interest like Star Wars, or technical model building, so you may have been ok with one of those, the only people I know who profess an interest in pirates are six. What sort of thing was on his list?

Bluntness100 · 02/01/2017 10:02

Thinking about this, I think it's fair to be honest as this is her brother. I think it's also fairly clear you do not know your nephew at all, but even if you were buying for a strangers sixteen year old, you wouldn't buy this. It's a really babyish chess set where you actually play with pirates.,

I do wonder if this is for real ad I can't for the life of me think why anyone would go off list to buy a sixteen year old something like this.🙄

whyohwhy000 · 02/01/2017 10:02

Is this it?

It's 7+!

Crumbs1 · 02/01/2017 10:03

We don't do lists but I ask family members for anything they know their children might want or need - so in effect a verbal list. £40"was generous and I can see why you would be upset you got it wrong. But you chased the response and it sounds like you bought it because you liked it not because there was any reason to think he would like it. Your brother is probably close enough to tell the truth when asked. Buy next year but stick to list.

Bettyspants · 02/01/2017 10:03

Regard to lists my side of the family doesn't and we tend to give small taken gifts DH side of the family send a text of things they would like.... so if asked we say a couple in reply. I don't like it but it saves getting or receiving something you don't want from family that are a bit distant

sparechange · 02/01/2017 10:03

What about a reply along the lines of 'ah, misjudged that one then. I thought he would like something chess themed. If it isn't opened, shall I return it and get something more appropriate?'

And then everyone is happy. You haven't wasted any money, nephew gets something he wants

Witchend · 02/01/2017 10:03

Dh loved Lego (he still enjoys making up the sets with ds) and used to play a lot of chess.
He'd still have given the Hmm look if you'd given him that at 16yo.
I think ds (aged 9yo) who plays a bit of chess and loves Lego, wouldn't have been too interested in that set-there's not enough construction for that to be fun, and it wouldn't be as nice to play with as a conventional set.

Gift lists aren't necessarily a "Catalogue number 43279 from John Lewis", when I'm asked I generally give a couple of general ideas (eg Lego (!), craft items, Nerf guns...) which gives the person the ability to make a selection from their own imagination and price range.

Foxysoxy01 · 02/01/2017 10:03

" But... you are being thick giving Lego to a 16 year old. Yes "

Wow how very rude you are! The OP isn't thick for giving someone a gift she thought he would like.

Why do you think it's ok to call someone names because they didn't get the gift you thought they should?

lbsjob87 · 02/01/2017 10:04

I really don't get this belief that it's OK to criticise presents people have bought for others.
My friend bought my 2-y-old a Spider-Man craft kit thing for ages 5 and up. It's no good to him whatsoever, but I would NEVER tell her that. It will probably go in the present cupboard but she will never know, and that's OK with me.

She hasn't got kids, she doesn't really know what they like, but she didn't have to buy him anything, and I appreciate the sentiment.

LEGO is a very expensive and generous gift, we love it in this house, adults included - your nephew and his dad sound like ungrateful shits tbh.

If he didn't like it, he could have swapped it for something else without being such an arse about it.

eddielizzard · 02/01/2017 10:04

yes rude, but he is also your brother and is being honest.

there are loads of threads of people complaining they don't like their presents, year after year they get something they don't like and should they say something. well, at least you know now.

up to you whether you still give presents in future.

Wolpertinger · 02/01/2017 10:04

16 year olds - you get a list, you buy from the list or you give them cash.

The end.

They don't want imagination or thoughtfulness. They have specific likes and dislikes and limited access to money. So going off list is actually thoughtless to them as it means they just get stuff they didn't really want.

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 02/01/2017 10:04

A lego pirate chess set... for a 16 year old who isn't even into lego 😂 Oh dear OP. My brother would reply something like your brother did, I wouldn't read it as rude between us, just honest, which you did ask for. Realistically they couldn't have made it any easier for you, by providing a list and then being dead honest about the bizarre choice of gift, so I think you'd be best off either doing no gifts or giving money in future!

Tantrictantrum · 02/01/2017 10:05

Yabu to go off list. Yabu to then ask the question -when there is a more than 50% chance that the truthful answer isn't going to be what you want to hear - and be hurt. Honestly? They probably use the list because of previously 'imaginative' gifts they don't want. I don't understand people like you. You know what they would like - they have told you - so why would you think you know better than them? Or is your need to choose something stronger than the desire to please the recipient? If so, stop wasting your money and clogging up their cupboards. Therefore Yanbu to say no more presents.

Starlight2345 · 02/01/2017 10:05

reading your replies... You got it wrong and now are offended. You asked the question. He may of answered bluntly however you asked a direct question....It does look like something far too young.. I don't know any teen I would buy it for.
A 45 year old are mostly reminded of when they were 8 ..A teen doesn't want to be reminded they are finding who they are.

Catsick36 · 02/01/2017 10:06

Ask for it back so you can get a refund, sling him the money and have a conversation about not buying for each other next year. How ungrateful at least you will know where you all stand.

SoupDragon · 02/01/2017 10:06

Thing is, if he'd said "he loved it" there is the chance you'd think he loves lego and buy him more each year.

I think honesty sometimes is the best policy. At least your brother didn't say "no. He thought it was shit" which would have been rude!

Yoarchie · 02/01/2017 10:06

I think that you should not have gone off list. Either do no presents or buy from the list. It was a bit "off" of you to go off list I think. So many unwanted gifts are exchanged at Christmas but you had the oppportunity to make certain your gift was wanted by buying from the list. Instead, you decided you knew better Confused
Your brother and nephew seemingly did not show their displeasure at the time but again you went seeking it out. Looks like they would otherwise have kept quiet. You asked a question and received an honest and reasonably worded answer so I don't think you can be offended. I am very confused by your actions.

SuburbanRhonda · 02/01/2017 10:06

I love lists.

I have 7 teenage nieces and nephews, all with their own interests and preferences, which are very different from those of my own DCs.

I would be forever getting the wrong thing without their lists.

Bekksy · 02/01/2017 10:06

So you asked if he liked it and he answered honestly and now you're upset. Did you want him to lie? I don't understand the issue. Should he have said he loved it so he got more next year.? Lego is expensive and most boys outgrow by 11. You made two silly decisions a) buying a 16 year old Lego and b) asking a question you didn't actually want an honest answer to.

What did you want to hear. That is it was wonderful. If you don't want a truthful answer don't ask the question.

Yetanothernewyearusername · 02/01/2017 10:07

My friend bought my 2-y-old a Spider-Man craft kit thing for ages 5 and up. It's no good to him whatsoever, but I would NEVER tell her that.

He will grow into it. You can see that is different?

CurlyhairedAssassin · 02/01/2017 10:07

Presumably if he likes chess he already HAS a chess set, so what use is a novelty one meant for kids?

I think you made the classic gift giving error. Saw something that you would quite like to receive yourself and bought it for someone else just because of that. Again, not really thoughtful at all. And did you get it because it was on sale?

Maybe you're hoping they will give it to you to save it being wasted?!

meg54 · 02/01/2017 10:07

Hardly thrown back in your face!.
You gave the wrong present to someone who is at a difficult age to buy for. Your brother apologised for the response.
I would ask why you were asking your brother if your nephew liked your gift. Is your nephew one of the rude gits who does not thank people for presents?.