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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to find the following reply about a Christmas present rude?

564 replies

Hellsbells35 · 02/01/2017 09:30

I sent a text to my brother asking if my nephew liked the Christmas present we gave him, and was shocked to receive the following:

"He wasn't impressed I'm afraid. Never really got into Lego as a kid, and now he is 16. Sorry."

I know I asked the question, but I really wasn't expecting that reply and find it quite hurtful as I had paid £40 on the gift. I wasn't really sure how to respond. Tempted to say let's not do presents anymore.

Basically they give you a list of presents they want and if you go off list and try and be thoughtful or imaginative you get it thrown back in your face.

OP posts:

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ShowMePotatoSalad · 02/01/2017 09:36

i can't believe people do present lists...so his parents sent round a list of what his kid wanted and you have to get something off that? Spoiled, much?

MatildaTheCat · 02/01/2017 09:36

And they were rude not to have been in touch to thank you already. Having to ask is crap do we share relations?

Fauchelevent · 02/01/2017 09:36

I'm giggling a bit at "now he is sixteen." Oh OP, he does sound a bit too old for the gift! At sixteen I would have found it weird but liked the nostalgia of it all. The reply is a bit ungrateful as I would say thank you for (almost all) well intentioned gifts but it's also maybe honest!

SheldonCRules · 02/01/2017 09:37

He answered honestly to save you wasting £40 again. If he lied, you would just keep buying others sets.

At 16, unless you know your nephew is a keen lego fan it is a very odd present.

RacoonBandit · 02/01/2017 09:37

He doesn't play with lego.
He is 16 yo.
It wasn't on his list.

You were not being thoughtful at all if you were you would have known he does not like lego.

You DB was being honest as you asked the question and now his son as a £40 gift he did not want and cannot use.

pieceofpurplesky · 02/01/2017 09:37

Rude but you were a bit daft to spend £40 on something he doesn't do. That's why there is a list.

monkeywithacowface · 02/01/2017 09:37

I do think Lego for a 16 year old was a bit of a gamble TBH. I know some adults love it, was it the architect stuff? It was a rude reply though. My SIL buys me expensive shower gels and bath sets every year even though I can't use them. I just say thank you and pass them on to someone who can. Your brother should have just said thanks and then stuck it on eBay as Lego always sells well

throwingpebbles · 02/01/2017 09:38

I can't believe people issue present lists. Super grabby. And the reply was very rude. But you were a bit bonkers to spend that much. I would either get him nothing from now on, or just a small token gift (chocolate/socks or similar)

AverageJosephine · 02/01/2017 09:38

Hmm. You ignore the list which is of course your choice. But got him something totally unsuitable though intended kindly.

I think the other side was rude but you did ask and I can understand them being pretty wtf about it and wanting to speak to you about it and then being too direct when you have them the opportunity.

Jaynebxl · 02/01/2017 09:38

I don't think the reply was rude. You asked if the boy liked the present and the truthful answer was no, lego was never his thing and he's 16. Fair response to your question. Or did you expect either that your nephew would immediately change and get into lego just because you deemed it a good present? Or perhaps that they'd just politely lie and say wonderful thanks?
I know they do sets for 16 plus but I don't know a single 16 yr old who would like one. I think they're more for adult lego fans.

cricketballs · 02/01/2017 09:38

showme lists help when you don't know what to buy - I often get calls asking what DS2 would like as he's very difficult to buy for so a list helps

CarrotLegsWanted · 02/01/2017 09:38

You asked a question.

You got an honest reply.

A little tactless in the wording maybe but I don't think it's rude

M0stlyHet · 02/01/2017 09:38

Well, the reply was a bit abrupt, but... you bought a 16 year old lego? When they'd offered you suggestions for things a 16 year old would actually like? It is very difficult getting it right - even if you do have an accurate sense of what children/teens of a given age-group like (usually because your own child is that age - it's amazing how quickly after the fact one's judgements go off target I find), individual tastes differ so much. I always ask my rellies/ DS's friends' parents what their children would like.

I don't think your brother was trying to be unkind, more that I suspect he felt he had to take the bull by the horns on this one, before you inadvertently (and with the best intentions) turned yourself into the caricature auntie who always buys the wrong thing. It's possible he felt bad for you, given that he would know it was a 40 quid lego set (anyone who's brought up children knows how fearsomely expensive lego is) and wanted to stop you spending that much on an unwanted present in future.

I think the suggestion of not doing presents any more is a good one, though. Many people I know stop buying for their younger rellies once they reach adulthood.

anotheronebitthedust · 02/01/2017 09:38

Reply was rude but...I can only assume that given your reply about going off-list before and their reaction, the fact they give you a list in the first place and the fact you fa e a 16 year old lego(!) - I know some adults love lego but think it is the exception rather than the rule - then might you have a bit of a history of buying unsuitable presents? In which case after 16 years of you wasting £40 on something child doesn't like reply was still rude but possibly understandable? I would just stick to money or no gifts at all from now on...

civilfawlty · 02/01/2017 09:38

Just to add, it wasn't the 16yo who sent the message, it was your brother. He may have been candid and rude, but we don't know if the nephew wouldn't have been perfectly polite and said thank you. Maybe unfair to stop gifts for nephew based on brother's rudeness.

cheeseandcrackers · 02/01/2017 09:38

Not the most tactful reply but if he had lied and said he loved it, you might have wasted more money on unwanted Lego next year too. I would also never buy Lego for a teenager unless I was sure they were into it, very few 16 year olds would be impressed I think

QuiltedAloeVera · 02/01/2017 09:39

So.... They gave you a list, which you ignored, then answered truthfully when you questioned them about it.
On the other hand, I'm guessing you asked about it because no one had bothered to thank you for the gift.
So you were a bit incompetent in gift-giving and they were rude. It's not hard to say "it was really kind of you, thank you".
Definitely don't bother next year.

angeldelightedme · 02/01/2017 09:39

Lego at 16!! If you didn't want to buy off the list then give money

Bluntness100 · 02/01/2017 09:39

Hmm, well yes it's rude, they should just have said thanks, but who gets lego for a sixteen year old? Unless they are specifically into that, which the very vast majority aren't, then it is a terrible gift. Sorry. Being thoughtful and imaginative is one thing, but this was neither.

Spadequeen · 02/01/2017 09:39

I can't imagine buying Lego for a 16 year old unless I knew that's what he was into. He probably did think wtf, does she not know me at all.

However, very rude of your brother to say that.

YoHoHoandabottleofTequila · 02/01/2017 09:39

i can't believe people do present lists

Why not?
We do in our family. Well not exactly lists these days but we do ask each other what we would like for Christmas. Then it stops this sort of thing happening. I would much rather buy a gift someone wanted than waste money.

Jaynebxl · 02/01/2017 09:39

And I think present lists within families are perfectly reasonable. Our dc grandparents always ask for a list so they can still choose but can avoid this kind of situation. It's not like you're saying you must buy me a present and it must be this... just giving guidance to people who want to make sure they buy something appropriate.

razmataz · 02/01/2017 09:40

Yes it's a rude reply but Lego for a 16 year old is an odd present and a strange choice unless you knew it was something he would be interested in. If you were given a list and deliberately ignored it and chose something completely different I also think that's quite rude of you, unless you had a very strong reason to believe there is something they'd like more.

His reply was rude though and I'd probably suggest that not exchanging gifts anymore is a good idea.

Out of interest, what did they get for your family?

Original poster

Hellsbells35 · 02/01/2017 09:41

It was a pirate lego set. I bought same gift for a 45 year old who loves lego. And lots of men I know (although odd) still buy it. It's aimed at older audience

OP posts:

Yetanothernewyearusername · 02/01/2017 09:41

But it wasnt a lovely thought was it?

No, it was rather thoughtless. It was age inappropriate by a long way.

Then asked specifically and brother gave an honest reply. The brother didn't contact to say it wasn't appropriate. Cant see anything wrong. Families should be honest with each other.

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