AIBU to find the following reply about a Christmas present rude?

[Hellsbells35]

I sent a text to my brother asking if my nephew liked the Christmas present we gave him, and was shocked to receive the following:

"He wasn't impressed I'm afraid. Never really got into Lego as a kid, and now he is 16. Sorry."

I know I asked the question, but I really wasn't expecting that reply and find it quite hurtful as I had paid £40 on the gift. I wasn't really sure how to respond. Tempted to say let's not do presents anymore.

Basically they give you a list of presents they want and if you go off list and try and be thoughtful or imaginative you get it thrown back in your face.

I'm sorry but I feel sorry for your nephew. I appreciate you spent a lot of money but it's come across it was more about what you wanted to buy for your nephew rather than a thoughtful gift that you knew he would like. For him you are sending him a message you don't really know him very well and maybe don't care. I wouldn't give Lego past the age of 8 unless I knew the child specifically liked Lego. I'm in the camp that I don't mind lists as I would rather give someone I care about something I know they wanted. But I appreciate we are all different!

I have waste (rather than entitlement) issues too. I'd much rather get someone something that they really wanted rather than waste money on something they didn't.

I think your db was rude tbh. I'd have worded it a bit differently I think. And probably only if you were a repeat offender with buying gifts that didn't suit and were thereby going to waste.

But it's not worth falling out about these things as you've rightly said op. I find my teenage nephews/nieces very difficult to buy for.

In my family we all beg for lists. It's often hard to pin teenagers down on what they want, leading to my DB saying this Christmas that if one of my DS didn't come up with some suggestions soon he'd get a tenner in a Christmas card.

None of us wants to waste money buying presents for the young that they won't enjoy. Adults are easier, mostly, in that you know their tastes and they have most of what they want so you can give them welcome extras.

The only people I buy for with no guidance at all are the DS of one of my siblings. That family is very wealthy and there's nothing those lads don't have. So, given my tiny budget, I seek out funny gimmicks to make them smile. Think my biggest success was a bubble wrap onesie. Finding good funny presents is fun and my DNs clearly enjoy them.

But for all the rest I need a list. My budget is low so I don't want to waste my money. Don't we all want the recipients of our presents to be delighted? Lists make that a given.

I have been angry about it

Yes and that anger needs to be directed at yourself exclusively. If you want to really make amends and learn from your mistake, instead of throwing your toys out of the pram with the no more gifts line, it would be better to ask for your nephew to return the set and give him the cash.

My cousin once told me that if ever she gave my dd something she didn't like to just gift it on. For her it's about giving a surprise gift, which she's taken care to find and most times she comes up with something really nice so her judgement can be trusted. But my dd is 8 so this is really different. And I never expect her to get anything for my dd and its lovely that she does.

I would even like it myself really
I think this is probably the key - you were shopping thinking about what you would find fun. A thoughtful gift is where you think about what the recipient would like, not just what you like.

Op I just wanted to say I think you were very kind, lists no lists - the bottom line is you thought about your nephew and got him a lovely gift.

I have two dc and their only aunts by blood never bother with them, in spite of being the only dc in the family , they never bother with them.

So I find it cringe worthy when you - a lovely aunt has bothered with your nephew and your being spoken to like a criminal for getting an off piste un wanted gift.
I really hope your DB was able to communicate to his son, that although the gift didn't hit the spot, it was still a lovely gesture from you and that they can sell or donate the gift.

I would much rather aunts in our family who got a gift, even though it may not be exactly right.

Next year - money in a card - always the best, he will LOVE you for it

Op I just wanted to say I think you were very kind, lists no lists - the bottom line is you thought about your nephew and got him a lovely gift.

So you'd be happy with a dolly's tea set, would you?

Similar amount of thought, The nephew is 16 and was bought a present suitable for a 7 year-old.

Waste of money.

If he had lied and said he liked it you might have bought him lego again next year. That's how my sister ended up with a hideous Garfield collection.

Anyone else think this is quite a British problem? Ask a question but not be happy with an honest answer. I'm not sure which bit the OP was cross about. The brother gave an honest answer. Was he supposed to lie to save your feelings or was the 16 yr old supposed to be so grateful that he then rediscovered a love of lego?

Elfontheshelf
No she didnt she thought of something that SHE would like.

She really didnt think what her nephew would like. She had no idea what he liked, she could have asked (or here's a thought, actually read the list she was given of what his interests were).

How many 16yr olds would be greatful for a toy for a 7yr old? Its 'not exactly right' its way off right.

Oh OP, you've been pretty brave to come back on. I think it's a shame to stop buying for your nephew especially following on from this year, it seems to have a bit of a sour taste. The text was from your brother after all, not your nephew. I'd give cash going forward and phase/change gift buying in line with usual family tradition as nephew gets older.

"If he had lied and said he liked it you might have bought him lego again next year. That's how my sister ended up with a hideous Garfield collection."

My mum did that. A friend once gave her an animal (let's say, a dolphin) then asked her if she liked said dolphin. She didn't but gave her a polite reply.

Since then, she's ended up with some kind of dolphin related present every sodding year and they're all over the house (dolphin picture plates, dolphin tea towels, dolphin candle holders... you name it, she's been given it!), because Mum doesn't want to be rude and throw them away (said friend might notice). It's become a running joke in the family now... but the lie has gone on so long, she just can't admit to it now!

Every year our mother buys us a load of rubbish. Nothing tasteful, nothing suitable, all destined for the charity shop. We have tried and tried to suggest a £10 limit but she won't listen. It's incredibly frustrating seeing her piss her money away. This year she bought me a hideous bracelet and - for once - I was honest when she told me how nice it was and how it would go with everything, and I said it wasn't my style. Her answer was to take it back and keep hold of it for future regifting to my tweenage niece.

Next Christmas we're going to have to be even firmer with her. Sometimes you need to be cruel to be kind. We care nothing for actual gifts but just want her to stop wasting money. It's also a little depressing knowing that she's put zero thought into what we would actually like.