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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to find the following reply about a Christmas present rude?

564 replies

Hellsbells35 · 02/01/2017 09:30

I sent a text to my brother asking if my nephew liked the Christmas present we gave him, and was shocked to receive the following:

"He wasn't impressed I'm afraid. Never really got into Lego as a kid, and now he is 16. Sorry."

I know I asked the question, but I really wasn't expecting that reply and find it quite hurtful as I had paid £40 on the gift. I wasn't really sure how to respond. Tempted to say let's not do presents anymore.

Basically they give you a list of presents they want and if you go off list and try and be thoughtful or imaginative you get it thrown back in your face.

OP posts:
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5
originalmavis · 02/01/2017 09:41

Some adults do lego - just go to the lego shop and see them! Of course it's not something I'd buy an older kid unless they asked for it.

I'm assuming it wasn't a tub of duplo blocks.

Whatever happened to sticklebricks? I loved them when I was little.

Original poster
Hellsbells35 · 02/01/2017 09:41

Actually meant pirate chess lego. Chess was the important bit

OP posts:
cherrycrumblecustard · 02/01/2017 09:42

I'm with others who find Lego a bit of an odd choice.

I know there are adult Lego sets but these tend to be for people who are interested in it - one of DHs friends is. But I wouldn't just get any adult a Lego set and expect them to enjoy it because it's for adults.

I never had Lego as a child. I don't really get it.

SquatBetty · 02/01/2017 09:42

My siblings and I always do present lists for our kids so we know what to get for our neices and nephews - makes it so much easier. We keep to roughly the same amount per head and no one puts anything stupidly expensive on their lists.

Glittermakeseverythingbetter · 02/01/2017 09:42

What was on the list?

ShowMePotatoSalad · 02/01/2017 09:42

A pirate one? It's not one for little kids is it? What's the set number?

DameXanaduBramble · 02/01/2017 09:42

Thing is, you really do have to know your audience.

Newtssuitcase · 02/01/2017 09:43

Isn't that pirate chess set for 7+?

Yetanothernewyearusername · 02/01/2017 09:43

It was a pirate lego set.

So for age 5-12? And the same gift that you bought someone else? So age inappropriate and sounds like a one gift fits all present which shows little thought.

I am sure that the 45 year old genuinely loved it.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 02/01/2017 09:44

In ordinary circumstances this would be rude but these aren't ordinary circumstances. You were given a list of things that your nephew would like and enjoy yet you deliberately avoiding using it. Why on earth would anyone DO that? Exactly how was it thoughtful to give him something that was not on his list of interests - it's the exact opposite of thoughtful and i think your brother is probably a bit pissed off that you ignored the list completely and wasted your money on something that wouldn't get used. And as for fishing for compliments, sending a text asking if he liked it! What did you honestly want him to say "oh dsis, how cool and original you are buying my son such a wonderful surprise - it just shows how well you know him, how nice"

I don't think he wants you to waste your money again hence his unambiguous and to the point reply.

If it was ME, I would accept that I'd made an error of judgement and buy off the list next time. If you don't get thanks THEN, stop the gift buying altogether. But you cocked up this time.

ThirdTimeLuck · 02/01/2017 09:44

If they gave you a list and you strayed from the list then I think your brother was right to tell you the truth, otherwise your nephew will probably end up with lego from you for the next ten years. Lego is definitely like marmite and its bloody expensive, especially when you're not sure if the recipient likes it. Maybe your brother could have been nicer about it, I'd not go as far as not giving gifts anymore, I'd probably either stick to the list or buy vouchers.

Bluntness100 · 02/01/2017 09:44

A chess set would have been fine, but s pirate chest lego set is really an odd gift and not age appropriate in any way. In fact it's for seven year olds up.

Ginmakesitallok · 02/01/2017 09:45

this one? it's for 7+

YoHoHoandabottleofTequila · 02/01/2017 09:45

Does he play chess?

KinkyAfro · 02/01/2017 09:45

I don't think your brothers text was rude really, just honest. Unless specifically requested, a lego pirate shit isn't age appropriate and I'd be offering to take it back and get something from the list

ShowMePotatoSalad · 02/01/2017 09:45

Ok I'm changing my tune big style.

Even as a Lego fan, if someone got me a pirate chess Lego set I'd be pretty cheesed off. OP, what were you thinking?!

I think the answer in the text was actually just honest rather than rude. You had to be told really, otherwise next year god knows what it would have been.

I totally get the idea of telling others what sort of thing you want for Christmas, but sending round actual lists, like a wedding list, for a 16 year old? It just seems a bit much.

Glittermakeseverythingbetter · 02/01/2017 09:45

Age 7+ Confused

snapcrap · 02/01/2017 09:45

This reply has been deleted

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DameXanaduBramble · 02/01/2017 09:45

They're for little children! sorry but you really boobed on this one, just suck it up and stick to the list next time, or give money.

Figure17a · 02/01/2017 09:45

There are definitely undertones of something else though. First, as parents to the boy I'd find you chasing up a thank you quite rude. My teens haven't done their thank yous yet, they will do once dh goes back to work tomorrow. We've been busy doing family stuff while he's off. I'd have a sharp response if I thought you were criticising that.

Second, it sounds like the boy didn't enjoy lego as a child, let alone a sixteen year old. If you're going to spend £40 on a gift for someone you barely know and expect gushing thanks about what a perfect gift it was, then yes, you probably do need to get something they've asked for.

The brother's text was rude but op's initial text got what it deserved imo.

SuburbanRhonda · 02/01/2017 09:45

While I appreciate that some young adults may like Lego, I'm guessing they're in the minority. Was there really nothing on the list within your £40 budget that you felt able to buy?

The text was rude though.

NormaSmuff · 02/01/2017 09:45

it is aimed at adults?
perhaps he will grow into it, when him and his family have grown up a bit.

how rude of them.

BikeRunSki · 02/01/2017 09:46

My 16 yo nephew would have loved some Lego, but he is unusual at 16 I think.

In this case the present and the response both indicate that it's time to stop doing presents.

DoJo · 02/01/2017 09:46

You had a list, so presumably an idea of what he does like. Was there anything in the list that suggested he was into Lego or chess?

longdiling · 02/01/2017 09:46

'although odd' - so you kind of know that it was an unusual choice?

What kind of things were on the list? Were they particularly expensive and grabbed? If so I don't blame you for disregarding it. However, your present wasn't very well thought out. You asked if he liked it and he replied honestly.