AIBU to find the following reply about a Christmas present rude?

[Hellsbells35]

I sent a text to my brother asking if my nephew liked the Christmas present we gave him, and was shocked to receive the following:

"He wasn't impressed I'm afraid. Never really got into Lego as a kid, and now he is 16. Sorry."

I know I asked the question, but I really wasn't expecting that reply and find it quite hurtful as I had paid £40 on the gift. I wasn't really sure how to respond. Tempted to say let's not do presents anymore.

Basically they give you a list of presents they want and if you go off list and try and be thoughtful or imaginative you get it thrown back in your face.

His reply was polite and truthful.

Why did you not think to ask or find out what your 16yo dn was into before spending ££?? Lego is great but only for young children, a 16 yo is a young adult, easy foolproof guess would be gift vouchers for Xbox, clothing stores, PlayStation network, iTunes.

I can see why your db was a bit annoyed at you. A very bizarre, ill thought out gift when you knew there was a gift list. My mother buys random gifts like this if she sees them reduced and feels they are a bargain. She doesn't care how it will be received.

Then for you to punish them for not liking your choice for what he was getting is weirdly control freak-ish to me.

Families, why bother

Good for you, OP.

Is it too late to exchange the gift?

Don't expect any thanks from list people because they have entitlement issues which is why they send the list in the first place

I'm a list people. Both for gifting and receiving. Even for class bday parties i'll ask parents what their kid is into so i can have an idea what to buy. Friend's dd, i just ask the child directly what she would like(i do make sure the mum approves before i buy anything). Did that the past few xmases and bdays and i always got it right. And it's lovely to know she enjoyed it.
As for receiving my list tends to be "anything blue,fluffy,silver, Lush, amazon gift card or harry potter" . No specific object with a specific price tag. I'm actually uncomfortable if i get smth really expensive. And if they go off the list? That's perfectly fine wether they get it right or wrong,but i'm not going to rave over size 20 satin pjs when they're the wrong size and not my style.

dolly that is utter tripe! But funny.

If you don't know what to buy someone a list with a few hints is really helpful. You might be able to afford to shell out money on a gift and hope it's appreciated/used. Most can't. I work hard for my money and I'm sure as hell not going to blow £50 and keep my fingers crossed it isn't wasted.

I'm a list person. Not because I have entitlement issues but because I have waste issues.

This is such a huge fuss about nothing. You misjudged a present, it's not exactly crime of the century and it's certainly nothing to be embarrassed about. Your brother sent a blunt and slightly rude reply to your text. It wasn't a great text and he could have been more tactful but it's really not a big deal.

I'd have just phoned, had a bit of a laugh about it and offered to exchange the present. . There is no need for any agnst'ing at all.

Ilove:
so next Xmas if someone gets you a game meant for a 7yr old instead of something which possibly cost less, on your list of things you actually like you would say "Wow fantastic thanks" or think "what age do they think I am? Why would they think that is appropriate, dont they know me at all"?

I'm really curious as to what sort of things were actually on his list

Megablocks of course.

I beg for lists for my nieces and nephews too. More so now they are older than when they were under 7ish. It's nothing to do with their sense on entitlement but because I like them and want them to have things that they enjoy and it's a complete waste to spend money on things they don't like. I don't mind the odd £5-10 mistake for a kid at school but I spend about £30- £40 a pop on my nieces and nephews and I have 10 so £300-400. I'm sure someone could say 'spend less then' but even if I spent £5 each I'd rather they had something they want than something they didn't. Funny how me not wanting to piss my money up the wall can be twisted to 'entitled' or 'grabby' etc.

tbh I've never understood the mn concept of entitled and grabby when talking about gift giving in long standing social contexts like Christmas and weddings but that's another thread.

Not sure how a list is much different to "what does x want for their birthday "? to which you reply " x would like a, b or c. Thanks for checking. "

I think your brother was extremely rude. And should have kept quiet.

However, I don't actually think you were being particularly 'thoughtful or imaginative' by buying Lego for a 16 year old. I'd imagine your nephew was probably quite disappointed to get an age inappropriate gift for Christmas from his aunt!!

Really curious as to what was on the actual list.

Lego for 8 year olds = 85% success rate

Lego for 16 year olds = 3% success rate

It's a very niche interest in the teen years.

I don't have kids but have a goddaughter and her brother that I buy for. As I don't have kids of my own, I really am at a bit of a loss as to what the latest things are. So when they were young, I asked their parents for a couple of ideas for what they would really like. Now they are 10+ I ask them directly what they would like. It's just sensible, because I don't know them brilliantly well and I want to get them something I know they will like. If I had nieces and nephews I would hope I knew them well enough to get something right but otherwise I would always, always ask them for ideas or at worst, get them a voucher so they can absolutely get what they want. I loved getting WHSmith vouchers (showing my age) because in the day you could get pretty much anything there.

Never ceases to amaze me, though, how really good close friends of mine still get me daft presents. This year someone bought me some flavoured gin. I don't drink.

It's a very niche interest in the teen years

Is it? What do you base that on? My 14 year old likes the Architecture sets. And before Christmas he and his dad got all his Star Wars lego out, sorted through all the bricks (I got roped into that HUGE task) and rebuilt them all!

However, I would expect an aunt to have an idea of what her nephew likes.

And I would expect a dad to be a little less rude about a present.

But the practical solution is to exchange it if you can.

I don't have an issue with lists because as someone said above, it avoids waste. I hate getting presents I don't want, what's the point of wasting money in buying things and resources in making them? DH and I tell each other what we'd like and DS did a list. We all got some surprises too but things we were likely to want.

I'm 29 and have spent just over £1000 on Lego for myself last year, I wouldn't buy a 16 year old Lego unless I specifically knew they were still into it.

Patiently waiting to hear what was on the list

ShatnersWig Yes! I occasionally get gifts of alcohol from people who know I don't drink (never have) as well. What the hell is that about?

Even for people who don't know if I drink or not, I think that's an odd choice of gift. You wouldn't buy someone cigarettes unless you knew they smoked?

I had 5 alcohol gifts for Christmas, I don't drink, never really have. I graciously accept and offload it onto others.

There's a very common assumption in gift giving circles that women always drink prosecco and rose and all men drink lager and whiskey.

Was it Technic Lego as that is often 14+? I'm 38 and buy lots of Lego 😆

Read through and see it was a Pirate Chess set for 7+. Yeah too young for a 16yo

newpapaguinea your two posts pretty much sum up the the thread "Lego can be for adults...oh, Pirates? No"

I was upset with the gift a close friend bought me for my 21st birthday. It was earnings for pierced ears. I don't have my ears pierced.

I was upset that my old friend who really should know me bought a thoughtless and inappropriate present.

The issue with this present isnt that it's Lego. Lots of adults and teens like Lego.

The problem is that it's Lego for a 7 yo.

My DS loves Lego and loves chess but at 9yo I'd have considered that set too young for him. We bought him 14+ Lego.

Lego Death Star (at bloody £500) or Lego Architecture might have been received differently as they would at least been age appropriate even if not to the lad's taste.

You don't give a 16 year olds a packet of Jelly Tots after all, you give them Green and Blacks.

Depends entirely on your relationship with your brother. If mine sent that I wouldn't be upset and I'd give them the receipt so they could get something else.

OP I'm wondering why you don't seem keen to arrange for the Lego to simply be returned so your nephew can have the money or something else. Wouldn't that be the obvious thing to do in these circumstances?

Agree with pp