How do I cope with 4 children? Overwhelmed - how did you do it?

[Hohowoah]

They are aged 2, 4, 6 and 8.

While the youngest was a baby (0-18 mths) it was fine. All seemed manageable. Now the youngest is also talking, has a strong opinion, only wants the toys/food the 4 year old has (!!) it's become so much more difficult.

I know it's just one phase but I am getting to the point now where I just need things to work smoothly some days.

For the first time in a long time I am not pregnant, or breastfeeding/doing night feeds, and I really wish things would fall into place but it's just getting more and more difficult.

My Y4 (eldest) has huge expectations from school (amount of homework and sports matches they are expected to do), they all do extra curricular sports/music, and I don't know when to fit in the simplest of things like dentist appointments and haircuts because I find it near on impossible to take all 4 of them anywhere (other than walking to and from school).

I spend most of my time in a state of guilt - had we had fewer children they wouldn't miss out on so much of my one-to-one attention, and I'd be able to focus more with them on homework.

DH is great but works incredibly long house (out of the house by 6 and back gone bedtime).

Even walking down the road to the shops I feel there are too many of us and we take up too much space on the pavements/people can't pass us in shop aisles. Silly as that sounds, it's how I am feeling at the moment.

How did you manage to give each child everything they needed if you have 3-4 kids close in age?

@SleepingStandingUp

Absolutely Harris, but also useful to not bother addressing the OP woth solutions.

Never mind the OP, I have 4 and I need all the tips I can get!

@Franklyfrost

Massive reduction in standards. That’s how you cope. And occasional irresponsible pleasures.

I only have 3 inc twins but this is basically my answer, along with benign neglect. They get way more freedom than the eldest dis

@SleepingStandingUp

Yes, benign neglect! Such a good phrase. Four kids get less attention then one. It’s not even divided into quarters because there’s less money and sleep going around. Also, if you actively adopt benign neglect as a parenting strategy you don’t have to feel so guilty about not doing everything you want to do for your kids.

I’d love a list of what should and shouldn’t be neglected.

Not neglected: Each kid gets their own bedtime story every night at ours.
Sod it: mopping the floors every week @HarrisMcCoo

Haha benign neglect for me means with DS1 I followed him everywhere at play group. With the twins, i just make sure i can see them and no one is eating a worm 🐛🤣🤣

I'm so stressed about tomorrow going back to school. My 7 year old going into P3 and my 5 year old going into P1, and my 1 year old and 1 month going back to nursery. Any tips that can help.

Is your 1 month old in nursery full time?

Get all their bags packed tonight, packed lunches made. Get up earlier than them and have a coffee in peace then get everyone us and focus on getting them dressed. Do the babies get bfast at nursery? If so can you just give them milk before drop off?

@SleepingStandingUp yes my 1 month goes to nursery but only part-time until 12pm, my 1 year old goes into nursery full-time until 4pm. Good idea packing all their bags and lunches made for tomorrow. Yes both my youngest have breakfast at home then head to nursery. My two older start school at 9am, get the youngests to nursery by 8am.

I had no idea nurseries took 4 week old babies.

@Toomuchspinning

I had no idea nurseries took 4 week old babies.

Have checked the history of above poster. Only has posted on this thread. Possibly a troll...

Why is DH working such long hours? Is he extremely inefficient at his job?

Mine are 4,8, 15 and 17. Ifs hard even with the big age gap! Feel like I'm constantly just herding people around or feeding them.

@Toomuchspinning

I had no idea nurseries took 4 week old babies.

Some nurseries in London do.

@PumpkinKlNG

Kattycool I’m just about surviving at the moment thanks for asking, mine are 10 9 7 and 4, I don’t find it getting easier as they get older (as most say it will) as my oldest has asd so is only getting harder as time goes on.

I am a couple of years ahead of you (mine are 12, 11, 8 and 6, eldest has ASD). It is getting easier, I have been back at work for 2 years (teacher) and whilst the standards in housework has had to slide for my own sanity, we are a happy household.

DH is a big help at weekends, I use Sundays to prep for the week (work and home) ahead. And I couldn't live without a slow cooker and a big freezer...

I'm in awe of Amanda Owen with her brood of nine. Farm to run, books to write and television programmes to star in. Her kids are all lovely and well mannered. She never irons!