How do I cope with 4 children? Overwhelmed - how did you do it?

[Hohowoah]

They are aged 2, 4, 6 and 8.

While the youngest was a baby (0-18 mths) it was fine. All seemed manageable. Now the youngest is also talking, has a strong opinion, only wants the toys/food the 4 year old has (!!) it's become so much more difficult.

I know it's just one phase but I am getting to the point now where I just need things to work smoothly some days.

For the first time in a long time I am not pregnant, or breastfeeding/doing night feeds, and I really wish things would fall into place but it's just getting more and more difficult.

My Y4 (eldest) has huge expectations from school (amount of homework and sports matches they are expected to do), they all do extra curricular sports/music, and I don't know when to fit in the simplest of things like dentist appointments and haircuts because I find it near on impossible to take all 4 of them anywhere (other than walking to and from school).

I spend most of my time in a state of guilt - had we had fewer children they wouldn't miss out on so much of my one-to-one attention, and I'd be able to focus more with them on homework.

DH is great but works incredibly long house (out of the house by 6 and back gone bedtime).

Even walking down the road to the shops I feel there are too many of us and we take up too much space on the pavements/people can't pass us in shop aisles. Silly as that sounds, it's how I am feeling at the moment.

How did you manage to give each child everything they needed if you have 3-4 kids close in age?

Homeworks wise, I let the older two do as much as they can while doing other stuff and check/ explain/ help when they need it. I loose my shit (silently with the school ) when they bring home crafty 'make a nativity scene' type homework though. Supposedly you can upcycle for the younger ones so that's something.

My 8 year old reads to himself, the school advise a parent listening 1-2 times a week. Below Y4 they suggest a parent listening to a child read for 20 min per night- we generally don't do this much, maybe 10 mins for 6 year old and 10 mins every other day for 4 year old. They do get read to every evening at bedtime though so I don't feel too bad about not doing 20 mins every night. I combine story reading for the older 3, sometimes difficult to find something suitable for all the ages so we go for factual reading instead i.e Maps, Atlas of adventure, animalium.

I only have three (9, 3, 18 months) but I also have a Labrador who is almost 2 and is more work that the other three a lot of the time

I don't know. We just had DS1 for so long and then the last few years have been a whirlwind of pregnancy and babies and puppies and...It's exhausting! Yes to the high levels of organization. I am not at all naturally organized but I've had to work very hard at it since DC3 came along...We wouldn't survive otherwise!

I do still want another though

Another mum of 4 here, another 4 under 6 at one point too. Now they are 12, 11, 8 & 6 and I have been on mumsnet since I was pregnant with the first getting all the tips I can.

Lower your expectations re housework/homework/clubs
Get help if you can (we had one)
DH who really pulls his weight
Find friends with large families for sympathy and support

Plus enjoy it in the blink of an eye they will all be at school I know it's hard when they are all littlebut it really is the best times.

I prepare dinner during the day (am SAHP - genuinely don't know how those of you who work do it). Have to plan food according to the time we get home - if 7, 7.30 something like curry that can be cooked ahead and just needs heating, if 5 - 6 something quick to cook like bangers and mash or salmon etc. If we're going to be really late they eat sushi in the car sometimes.

When they were younger I did a lot more convenience stuff like fish fingers or chicken nuggets or cereal for dinner

Luckily mine go to a school which doesn't believe in homework for primary kids, just reading every night which gets done while waiting for siblings or making dinner. High school kids just get on with theirs without supervision (not without nagging tho).

I have friends with all sizes of family, but quite a few who also have four and must admit it's sometimes nice to talk (vent) to others who just get it.

I have 4, 5 when dsd is here. I'm pretty organised and I definitely encourage them to do as much as they can for them selves. My 4 yr old is better at this than 8yr old dsd is as she is so used to it. Clothes ready the night before, school bags sorted and home work done as soon as they come in. They are 11, 9,8,4 and 9 months. The 9 month old has been in hospital half her life (arrived at 28 weeks) so it's been particularly stressful this year. The 11 yr old is brilliant with the 4 yr old, and my 9 yr old so is great with baby.
I'm always conscious of not asking them to help hold her etc too much though.
I definitely need to do more reading with them, that's definitely a shortfall, and my cooking isn't brilliant. Still, everyone is happy, contented and it's a lively fun household.

We read wherever we are, often in the car waiting for an activity to start or a child to finish. I listen to the 5 and 7 yr old, 9 yr old reads independently but I monitor her progress through the book. They've got more independent with homework with age but I still help as I think it's important, it really cements/reinforces their school learning and I think develops good habits for secondary school.

I work 3 days a week and plan meals accordingly. The older 3 have hot meals at lunch which helps when they are late home after clubs. I will plate up a meal and feed the rest if it is only 1 or 2 DC missing.

Can you get an au pair to help e.g. with home work or taking one to sports match while you stay with the others?

How did you tink it would work when you planned to have 4?

I had three under five and yes, some days were difficult. However, on the plus side they always had someone to play with and as they grow up things do get easier. I love my three boys more than anything and they bring me so much joy. More joy than harassment to be honest.

I think that managing their behaviour helps. I always tried to be consistent and fair (didn't always succeed). I had boundaries and guidelines for them, which if broken had consequences. I do think this is important as there's no point in having a rule about behaviour if nothing happens if the rules are broken.

I tried my hardest to forget being superwoman. I just did my best and my priority was my children. Children remember a mum who played with them and read to them. They do not remember a clean and tidy house.

I tried to give each of them some individual attention, every day but we played games that involved all five of us. My boys liked cricket, football, swimming and we did plenty of that. On holidays I made the holiday theirs but we enjoyed it as well. Getting down to a child's level and paddling, making sandcastles, playing games, etc., is a holiday. It's so much better as well when you have more children to make the game.

I got mine into different sports, although swimming club was the favourite. From four years old mine went swimming twice a week, which increased as they grew up. This was great as it got them worn out and sleeping well.

Enjoy your four children OP. Children are such a joy and they grow up so quickly.

I am one of 5 and my dad was completely absent from when we were 6, 7, 10, 12 & 15.
I have no idea how, but she did EVERYTHING. We didn't help with chores etc, she did us all packed lunches, we all rode horses and motorbikes and played all kinds of sports, we always had clean clothes, we all did our homework and our reading and she baked bloody cakes just to top it off. And she worked 9-3:30 every day. It's crazy. I also do not think for a second that's all that achievable.

I have a friend with 4 now and she says the following (Ma also did all these);
Dentist & doctors can be done in the same appointment
Hairdresser to the house.
If packed lunches are unavoidable, do it the night before
Get changed as soon as you get home and bundle all school uniform up ready for the next day with book bag on top
Batch cooking

Sorry. I went on a tangent and I realise now it looks weirdly smug. Not how I meant it at all What I meant to point out is that Ma was insanely organised. Like PP she had a big family planner which everything went into, meal plans, etc etc. I think that is the key really.

I'm a lone parent of my massive brood everythingeverywhere I hope one day they think the same about me as you do about your mum.!

She's an incredible woman. I am sure they will Judith . I can't begin to imagine how hard it must be

I am a single mom of 4 children; 7,5,1 and 1 month old baby. It's such a struggle but I get through the hard times getting them all ready for school and nursery. I find it hard dealing with the tantrums when my 7 and 5 year old fight over the TV remote or who's sitting where, it drives me crazy.

All my children are girls.

I always wanted a big family, yes having 4 is a struggle, but I enjoy and love them to pieces. I wish my ex boyfriend would help me out more than playing video games all the time.

I just had to be organised, to the nth degree. My DH was the same, away a lot or working long hours.

I made sure there was always a wash on, always did packed lunches before they got up, that dinner was organised before they came home from school, so we could do homework together, (the youngest used to colour for a bit then go and play alone) and made sure everything was put away before bedtime, with their help.

As PP have said, it really does get better. Once my youngest went to playgroup I actually managed to have three mornings a week for myself, it was lovely.

Zombie apocalypse

Yes it's so much work in the morning getting them ready, when my 7 year old listens to me, she gets herself dressed, brush, teeth, bag packed, shoes and coat on ready to leave the house. My 5 year old is just just starting school and is going into P1, so she is really scared, think that's why she has been having so many tantrums in the morning. My 1 year old and 1 month super easy to dress, brush teeth and coat/shoes on. I just wish it was this easy every time.

I can't give you any helpful tips, because I get a lot of help with my lot. I realise it's not an option for everyone, but I'll definitely recommend that you outsource tasks if you are in a position to do so.

I've found my people! Posting so I can come back later and read all properly. Ive an 8, 6, 5 and 3 yr old. I do have money and a full time nanny while I work full time (home based for 8 yrs) so that keeps me sane having that different part to my life. I get a cleaner once a week to do toilets and floors. And I do individual movie nights with each one in turn semi-regularly. I used to have a Sunday babysitter for 4 hrs so I could rest for 2hs (was always pregnant, exhausted and DH works loonnnng hours) and take one on a date for 2hrs and they still talk about those days. I try to not walk past them without stopping and giving a cuddle or at least pat on the head and acknowledgement I've 'seen' them. It's very hard...

I do struggle but always have my head held high and think positive, that I can get through the day without any tantrums. All my kids enjoyed the summer holidays, now they are all sad to be going back on Wednesday, and I am going back to work part-time as a Catering Assistant in a primary school.

My hours work out perfectly to drop them to school/nursery and then to pick them up afterwards as well. I used to have a babysitter for every second Friday when I went out with friend's, but she retired.

This thread is 5 years old!!

Wonder how the op is doing, 4 years on?! @Hohowoah ?!

confused