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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Whole family shopping trips.....

199 replies

saltandvinegarcrisps1 · 31/12/2016 13:19

Why??? In M&S yesterday for essential reasons ( friend's birthday present) and see a family. Parent 1 pushing pram with what looked liked year old child looking miserable (parent not child). Two older DC (maybe 4 and 6) toy fighting and parent 1 says "boys, cut it out" with zero conviction. Parent 2 dashing about picking up stuff as fast as possible. Youngest child starts crying. Older two complaing they are bored, when we going home etc. Both parents look utterably miserable. Why do people do this? Why doesn't one shop and one take DCs to cafe / stay home and watch a movie/ whatever. Why subject children to this? It genuinely baffles me.

OP posts:
dingdongthewitchishere · 31/12/2016 14:59

what a horribly judgmental person you are OP.

There are hundred of very good reasons. If you don't like it, why don't YOU shop online and you won't be exposed to families shopping.

MerylPeril · 31/12/2016 15:00

I do take DD (8) out with me now and it's fine (sometimes)

I have no memory of going shopping as a small child. I come from a large family and I always stayed at home with a sibling.
When I got older (secondary) I would go out with DF to do bits of shopping/tasks/pay bills.
I certainly didn't need to go as a toddler to 'learn'.

EweAreHere · 31/12/2016 15:01

How are children supposed to learn how to behave in public, understand that not everything in life is 'fun' but if they like to eat/own things, sometimes they have to go to the shops, etc, if they don't actually go to the shops.

Spikeyball · 31/12/2016 15:04

We do this enroute to somewhere and when we have decided our child is less likely to become upset in the shop than waiting in the car. It is also good for them to experience going into a shop as it is something I find difficult due to their disability, when not having someone else with me to help.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 31/12/2016 15:08

Can I jump in with my grumpy arsed face on? In our town yesterday I was doing the dodging kids on balance bikes, scooters, pushing unfeasibly large dolls prams, walking about with their head in tablet-dance. After I'd been run into one more time and went "ow" I got looked at daggers by (what I assume was )the mum, the dad, gran and big sister. Yes it's lovely for them to take their new toys out, but look, over there, a lovely park that isn't full of people shopping. (Yes and I do have kids and remember the days of wanting time out at Christmas)

TinselTwins · 31/12/2016 15:11

Some little girls (sisters) brought the most MASSIVE toy travel systems into where I worked during the week. I made a bit of space and chatted to them about santa and admired their mini travel systems. I love seeing all the kids out and about on their new toys at this time of year.

justanotherusername0 · 31/12/2016 15:13

I think everyone who has them on should remove their judgeypants

MycatsaPirate · 31/12/2016 15:17

I nipped down to Lidl today (closest shop and roads are rammed with traffic here today).

It was absolute torture. Apart from the family whose toddler was sat happily smearing his face with chocolate while his baby brother slept on mum's shoulder which really made me all soppy and smiley every time I saw them it was just kids on fucking heelies, kids on scooters, kids screaming and whining and generally being hellish.

I'm glad mine were at home. The thought of them adding to the general misery of shopping on NYE is just not a happy one.

Lorelei76 · 31/12/2016 15:21

Main reason I hate supermarkets is this. It's treated as some kind of family outing a lot of the time. I see a lot of couples without children arguing their way round too.

Christmas is the worst time for this though.

RedSoloCup · 31/12/2016 15:25

We do this (3kids) I even hate it 😂😂 in my defence I do 90% of the shopping on my own it's just when we need extra bits for weekend etc I end up in m&s or town Tesco and it's just awful with all of us.

aquashiv · 31/12/2016 15:26

Because shopping actually teaches them life lessons. Sometimes its good for children to help.

MistressMolecules · 31/12/2016 15:28

I think usually it is because the person in charge of shopping doesn't drive and therefore has to have their partner (usually the husband) drive them. They probably don't have childcare either so have to take the children with them.

^ This is exactly why we shop together (or did, we don't have a car any longer). Have you tried carrying a car seat to use in taxi on journey home (stage 1 so doesn't fit on the travel system), push a pram that you can't leave anywhere safe when you get to the supermarket, and then try shopping whilst pushing a pram and pushing a trolley all by yourself? No me neither as I sadly, I don't have that many arms! So I would get my husband to drive me to the supermarket (one that doesn't offer home delivery), therefore we would be two adults and a child shopping together and therefore being judged for making it "family day out" Hmm.

Topseyt · 31/12/2016 15:30

I agree OP. It would be my idea of hell.

I do go with my three DDs, but at ages 21, 18 and 14 now they are well able to bugger off and do their own thing. I drive us all to the town, we arrange once parked a time to meet back at the car, then we split.

I do enjoy a good browse, but on my own and unencumbered. I am very much a lone shopper.

myfavouritecolourispurple · 31/12/2016 15:31

I'm with the OP, I've never understood why you'd want to subject your kids to shopping trips, especially supermarkets. It's not weird at all - it's weird to want to inflict boring shopping on tired kids and it's weird to want to inflict tired and bored kids on other shoppers. If the kids enjoy it, nobody would come on here and comment because it would be clear that the kids were happy and engaged doing it. It's not judgmental to comment - and it's highly unlikely that they were miserable because eg they'd lost a relative or something sad. They were more likely to be miserable because they'd been torn away from their Christmas toys to do a boring shop.

If you have another adult in the family, leave them with the adult - either at home, cafe, park wherever.

Otherwise, online shopping is your friend.

As for sizing, I've nearly always bought my son's clothes without him being there. Never been a problem.

And:

How are they going to become independent adults if they have never set foot in a supermarket

because as they get older and more tolerant, you take them. Sigh. I've said this before, but some (most) chores really don't need practice. It's dead easy to go into a supermarket, find a basket/trolley, find what you need on a shelf and take it to the till (ok maybe the self-service till needs practice!). I think my ds will cope with supermarkets despite not spending every Saturday morning in one.

Why should it be one persons responsibility and why should you care

it can be shared between the parents (or doing online) and people care because screaming kids give you a headache. I feel very sorry for the staff who work in supermarkets.

justanotherusername0 · 31/12/2016 15:34

people care because screaming kids give you a headache
Your kid has never screamed in a public place then?
Kids scream. Kids are citizens just like everyone else. People need to accept this!

myfavouritecolourispurple · 31/12/2016 15:34

Oh and taking kids on scooters into town centres and into shops is really not on. Maybe some of the parents that encourage that can make a New Years resolution to stop. It's really dangerous. Oh, and please stop your kids running around with trolleys as well. My mother ended up in A&E because a kid slammed into her back with a trolley.

TinselTwins · 31/12/2016 15:36

"subject" them to it? Jesus I take them to Tescos I don't send them down the mines or up chimneys!

Over the course of a shopping trip (or a trip to the park, or any other outing) they'll have bits they enjoy and bits they don't. Kids generally go through a full spectrum of emotions over any given hour, they'll do this whether they're left at home on front of the telly or in Tesco, just because a MN sees them have a whinge in the baking aisle doesn't mean they didn't enjoy chosing their own fruit and veg in anothe aisle.

justanotherusername0 · 31/12/2016 15:38

My kid likes fruit. Doesn't get on too well with loo roll aisle

TinselTwins · 31/12/2016 15:41

Oh and taking kids on scooters into town centres and into shops is really not on.

Hmm a lot of kids live IN town centres, so have to take their scooters through town centres to get anywhere else! (my kids aren't allowed to scoot IN shops, but we take the scooters with us if we pop into shops en route, they're not riding them though, however the children's very presence will still probably offend someone, it's one of the things that I really don't like about the UK compaired to most places abroad!

Rosieposy4 · 31/12/2016 15:42

Agree with OP and mycolourispurple here.
Why would you inflict the torture of a packed shop on the entire family, and the rest of the public.
All these comments about how will kids learn to shop are hysterical. 3-5 year olds cannot drive a car, yet still learn when ready, they can't do GCSE maths papers, yet most will be able to at 15/16. You really do not need to expose small kids to the shops so they can learn how to shop as adults Hmm

wornoutboots · 31/12/2016 15:43

well if you had said sainsbury's instead of M&S I was that family last night. Due to disabilities (hidden ones) I can't drive, and mostly doing the food shop is my only excursion from home except for school runs.
We don't have family to leave our 3 kids with.

But thanks for being so judgemental, I needed to feel even worse about my disabilities negative effect on my children's lives.

BackforGood · 31/12/2016 15:57

What an odd turn this thread has taken.
Of course op is entitled to comment on what others do - its observation of life. You don't have to agree with her but she's totally entitled to put her ponderings on here and ask what others thing.
I suspect some are being over defensive for a reason.

FWIW, I totally agree with you op, and think this every time i see little kids being subjected to hours of shopping as if it were an entertainment. Yes, there are times you are getting something for one of the dc and need them for sizing, but that's not really what the question was about - its about the 'whole family traipse round the shops' as if it were entertaining / intesting for anyone who doesn't need to be there, when there are 2 parents so it's not necessary.

TinselTwins · 31/12/2016 16:03

And the rest of us are entitled to comment/observe on how un child-friendly the UK is where kids should only be seen in designated "family friendly" areas and not considered part of ordinary every day life/society. No wonder by the time they're teens so many UK teenagers feel disenfranchised !

justanotherusername0 · 31/12/2016 16:04

its about the 'whole family traipse round the shops' as if it were entertaining / intesting for anyone who doesn't need to be there, when there are 2 parents so it's not necessary

Children need to do things that aren't fantastically fun all the time. it's how they learn about tolerance , patience and understanding that they can't choose everything all the time.

Sandybum · 31/12/2016 16:05

Calm down tinseltits. Have we touched a nerve?