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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Whole family shopping trips.....

199 replies

saltandvinegarcrisps1 · 31/12/2016 13:19

Why??? In M&S yesterday for essential reasons ( friend's birthday present) and see a family. Parent 1 pushing pram with what looked liked year old child looking miserable (parent not child). Two older DC (maybe 4 and 6) toy fighting and parent 1 says "boys, cut it out" with zero conviction. Parent 2 dashing about picking up stuff as fast as possible. Youngest child starts crying. Older two complaing they are bored, when we going home etc. Both parents look utterably miserable. Why do people do this? Why doesn't one shop and one take DCs to cafe / stay home and watch a movie/ whatever. Why subject children to this? It genuinely baffles me.

OP posts:
Frazzled2207 · 31/12/2016 14:18

We've all but abandoned family shopping trips - kids are 3 and 1- though it's quite common for me to take one while dh looks after the other, similarly dh will take one to places like b&q while
i stay at home.
Thanks to online shopping it's not really necessary to do family shopping, other than the odd IKEA run.
As they get older though, I think they will have to learn to put up with it.
Whenever I need to get clothes shopping for either me or the kids I have to go by myself. Luckily my office is near city centre shops so I mostly get by by nipping out at lunch hours.

MerylPeril · 31/12/2016 14:21

YANBU

I thought exactly the same when I was in M&S the other day.
I could hardly look at the sales stuff for children (unattended) pissing about with it.
I'd left DD and DH at home. On my own I can look in 10 minutes, all three of us takes ages and lots of moaning.

We laugh now at the hell of trying to take toddler DD shopping.
Before I had a car and we all used to go food shopping DH would stay in the cafe with her and meet me at the tills. Loads less stressful.

I think lots of adults class shopping as a family activity.
DH worked with someone whose wife didn't believe in playgroups and took her kids into the city everyday to walk about the shops. She was very educated and it seemed bizarre to me, they seemed to think it was a good choice.
I saw her once, dragging 3 kids about and looking like death. Odd.

badg3r · 31/12/2016 14:22

Depending on age if you're buying clothes for them I can see why it makes sense to take the kids. Reading this thread feeling very smug though because DH is out at the shops with a very long list and I am in bed mumsnetting at home putting our toddler down for their nap Wink

justanotherusername0 · 31/12/2016 14:22

I just cannot fathom why anyone thinks they can judge what any other family does ?
Or guess why?!
If it's not illegal then it's not your problem

TinselTwins · 31/12/2016 14:22

We do family shopping trips, the kids eat better if they've been involved in the choosing/shopping, DH never gets my lists right and I never get his lists right and I also like to see what's there/what I fancy for my work lunches.

Original poster
saltandvinegarcrisps1 · 31/12/2016 14:23

I didn't think I was being weird asking this. Judgemental - perhaps - it doesn't bother me other than when bored toddlers are running into me and screaming.

OP posts:
Original poster
saltandvinegarcrisps1 · 31/12/2016 14:25

What is the point of AIBU if you can't discuss things that maybe you think you are being U about? I am asking if IABU about this!

OP posts:
MeetTheMartian · 31/12/2016 14:26

Because you have no idea what they are doing wth their day.
It might well be that they had stopped on their way to xxx.
It might well be that they thought it would take 5mins and no more and it didn't.
It could also well be that things started well and then deteriorated when you saw them.

I effect, it might not be your choice of outings with 3dcs, you might well have chosen to do things differently (like taking them to a play area whilst the other parent was doing the shopping bit). But it doesnt mean this was the wrong solution FOR THEM.

Fwiw, I very rarely took my dcs out like this, for the reasons you gave. They are now teenagers, still hate shopping and I wish that I had 'forced' them to do some shopping when they were little.
At 15 nearly 16yo, dc1 is still hoping I can buy everything wo any input from them. That is incl shoes or trousers that they have to try.....

Booklover123 · 31/12/2016 14:27

Some families view it as a number 1 leisure activity! Not us though!

RacoonBandit · 31/12/2016 14:27

Then that's a problem with their parenting not a "why does the entire family have to go shopping issue"
Also you said nothing in your OP about them running in to you or was that on a later post?

ludothedog · 31/12/2016 14:27

It was like this at the vets the other day. Waiting room full of anxious dogs some of them in pain and family of 4 come in, 2 kids under 4. Kids start running amok mithering the "lovely doggies". They all went in to the surgery room and you could her the frustration in the vet's voice as she tried to talk over the kids whilst examining the dog. Eventually one parent took the hint and took the youngest out.

Why the fuck did they all need to be there? It was down right dangerous.

justanotherusername0 · 31/12/2016 14:28

Yes it's AIBU but... It's more I can't even work out why it's something for you to even wonder about you have no idea about their dynamic whatsoever !

Munstermonchgirl · 31/12/2016 14:28

It's bloody annoying when bored toddlers are yelling or older kids are dashing around uncontrolled - obviously that's down to poor parenting, but you do have to wonder why some families insist on dragging everyone out. We used to get young kids bringing mini scooters into our local supermarket until they cracked down on it... i mean what are some parents thinking?!

I'm also aghast at the women on here who have hopeless partners who can't follow a list and stick to a shopping budget. Hmm

PurpleMinionMummy · 31/12/2016 14:29

I've online shopped since dc 2 came along. All of us going is miserable but it still happens from time to time. Normally because we'll do other stuff together on the way there or back, dc's want to spend pocket money, someone needs new clothes etc etc. I can't imagine many people do a wks shop in M&S so they were probably just popping in

TinselTwins · 31/12/2016 14:30

TBH I don't mind encountering other people's toddlers, or just generally people, when out shopping. Often end up having quick chats with randoms. If I was as offended by encountering people as the OP I'ld just shop online?

Original poster
saltandvinegarcrisps1 · 31/12/2016 14:30

They knocked into me whilst toy fighting. Sorry - didn't make that clear in first post.

OP posts:
justanotherusername0 · 31/12/2016 14:32

So what you really mean is are you being unreasonable to be annoyed that they went shopping , and as a result of a clearly unmanageable set of behaviours , you ended up getting bashed into?
No you're not . They should probably be aware their kids aren't that great in this situation and aren't behaving acceptably.
Did they apologise though ?

SaucyJack · 31/12/2016 14:33

It just seems like such a pointless thing to judge. Why do people get so frothy about such a normal, everyday thing as (brace yourself Marjory) taking children into shops? It's just going about daily life innit.

Madness!

ruthsmumkath · 31/12/2016 14:33

We all go sometimes - both drive - now oldest dc are older sometimes they stay home but often we drag youngest one or two with us.

The reason - we both hate shopping and can't decide what to get. Anyway I'm of the era when kids don't get to just do nice stuff and if they want to eat they have to go to the shops.

What does amaze me is why some people are bothered about things that are of none of their business!

Wellitwouldbenice · 31/12/2016 14:33

Oh fuck off op. What the hell do you know about why they are there? there could be a million and one reasons and none of them are anything to do with you. I can't stand smug judgeyness from people who know soooo much better.

Original poster
saltandvinegarcrisps1 · 31/12/2016 14:34

Not offended - more surprised that people chose to do things that make the whole family appear miserable and fed up. But I agree that I have no idea of family dynamics and I am BU in judging them. Their family, their choice at the end of the day. But it looked sh*tGrin

OP posts:
Sandybum · 31/12/2016 14:34

YANBU it really pisses me off to see whole families clogging up the supermarket aisles. As a single mum I sometimes have to take my 5 yo shopping and that's bad enough! I try to do it when he's elsewhere. A grocery shopping trip needing two grown adults is beyond me. why drag the kids around? One person always looks bored to tears blocking the aisle with the trolley at an angle. I agree OP it's very strange and annoying.

justanotherusername0 · 31/12/2016 14:35

If they realised what their kids had done though and apologised yabu still!
My kid has run into people because she finds shops very exciting. She has also pulled stuff off shelves etc. I always apologise sincerely and pick up anything. It's just kids

RacoonBandit · 31/12/2016 14:35

didn't make that clear in first post.

Erm you didn't mention it all let alone make it clear Confused

TinselTwins · 31/12/2016 14:36

I'm also aghast at the women on here who have hopeless partners who can't follow a list and stick to a shopping budget.

DH is not "hopeless", however to him, apples are apples and he'll happily eat any kind, I like "nice" apples Grin and depends on which ones look nicest/least over or underripe on the day. Similarly if he asks me for potatoes I just buy a bag of potatoes. Also I don't like to have exactly the same snacks for work every week, and I like to browse. The kids also like to chose their own lunchbox bits. Nobody is "hopeless" but also the "list" is for main meals and staples, and we enjoy making some choices when the food is on front of us on the shelves.

Some people's "toddlers running into me" is literally toddlers running into people and causing a hazard, but for other people it's just toddlers existing in the same public place as them