Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Whole family shopping trips.....

199 replies

saltandvinegarcrisps1 · 31/12/2016 13:19

Why??? In M&S yesterday for essential reasons ( friend's birthday present) and see a family. Parent 1 pushing pram with what looked liked year old child looking miserable (parent not child). Two older DC (maybe 4 and 6) toy fighting and parent 1 says "boys, cut it out" with zero conviction. Parent 2 dashing about picking up stuff as fast as possible. Youngest child starts crying. Older two complaing they are bored, when we going home etc. Both parents look utterably miserable. Why do people do this? Why doesn't one shop and one take DCs to cafe / stay home and watch a movie/ whatever. Why subject children to this? It genuinely baffles me.

OP posts:
justanotherusername0 · 31/12/2016 14:38

And for the record toddlers have the same right as anyone else to be in a public place....

Grindelwaldswand · 31/12/2016 14:39

There's actually 12hrs in a day saucyjack and 12 hours in a night and unless you plan on taking your child to the park at 2am your comment is ridiculous Grin

TinselTwins · 31/12/2016 14:39

YANBU it really pisses me off to see whole families clogging up the supermarket aisles.

Is it really a hardship to smile and say "excuse me" if someone is literally clogging up an aisle?
Unless you mean they're just in the aisle and you could just walk around them?

I think its sad that so many people hate interacting with other members of the public.

PurpleMcPants · 31/12/2016 14:40

There were occasions when our kids were small that we had to do this, it was indeed hell. My DH had spinal problems so was generally doped up on something or other, incapable of being left in sole charge of children because he couldn't pick a baby up, feeling utterly useless and would insist on coming to the supermarket to help because he could at least watch them. He couldn't bend or stretch to pick things up so I'd be the miserable one rushing round to get everything, loading the trolley, unloading, packing etc. It was awful. We both usually sobbed once we got back to the car.

midcenturymodern · 31/12/2016 14:40

YABU. It's a public space and they were just shopping. If it had been a swingers party then I could see your point. Sometimes you need to go shopping. Sometimes, for various reasons, you need to take some or all of your children. They might have just left the cinema and be on route to the park for all we know but even if the whole day was a bore fest then it isn't going to kill anyone.

MeetTheMartian · 31/12/2016 14:40

YANBU it really pisses me off to see whole families clogging up the supermarket aisles. As a single mum I sometimes have to take my 5 yo shopping and that's bad enough! I try to do it when he's elsewhere

Well that's good for you. But not everyone has the same set up than you nor has the same issues than you.
I have to say I am ShockConfused at the AFC than you seem to resent people doing their shopping with children/partners because they are taking too much space in the supermarket!!

Original poster
saltandvinegarcrisps1 · 31/12/2016 14:42

The older child apologised himself, which I thanked him for. I accept it as children being children. I'm honestly not trying to be horrible - and I do accept I am BU to judge.

OP posts:
justanotherusername0 · 31/12/2016 14:43

Also DH and i go shopping together sometimes (horrors!) With our DC. Because we like to see what's on the shelves. Maybe something we hadn't thought of etc .... Or maybe just because DH works long hours and i like to spend time with him and he likes to spend time with his family. But that does mean our trolley may be in an aisle while we retrieve our DC or deal with some shouting... It's really no big deal!
I might look stressed or bored because it's taking ages or perhaps I have a health issue meaning standing up isn't easy ...But also I want to spend time with my family so I go anyway....
This is why this thread is ridiculous. Because no one knows why any other family is doing what they're doing

justanotherusername0 · 31/12/2016 14:45

Then I am afraid I think the whole thing you're complaining about is unreasonable. He apologised. Accidents happen

HappenstanceMarmite · 31/12/2016 14:45

Wow. Some super sensitive, defensive offenders family shoppers here. Funny.

Original poster
saltandvinegarcrisps1 · 31/12/2016 14:45

Sorry to hear that purple - must have been awful.

OP posts:
MollyRedskirts · 31/12/2016 14:47

We've been that miserable looking family all out shopping together with a screaming toddler. Our reasons?

A) I often use the pram as a walking aid if my joints are playing up and trying to escape.

B) I can't lift heavy shopping due to abovementioned pesky joints. Also applies to lifting things in and out of the trolley.

C) I can't fit a full shop on or under the pram. I need DH to come to push a trolley.

D) I don't want to send DH on his own to do it because maybe I've not been out of the house for days/I know he'll forget things/I want to choose my own fruit and veg because he's crap at getting the freshest/I want to browse the middle Aldi aisles of wonderment/because maybe I just fucking want us all to go.

muttermuttergrrr · 31/12/2016 14:47

Dh, ds 2 and I go shopping together. Dh doesn't drive and sometimes he wants to pick food for the week. Ds is happy the trolley. Same going into town, we get weekends off together every so often, why not go to town together

Original poster
saltandvinegarcrisps1 · 31/12/2016 14:48

One thing which does make me laugh is the very awkward looking middle aged men in the underwear department trying to avoid eye contact or look at the offerings !

OP posts:
SheldonCRules · 31/12/2016 14:48

I often wonder why it takes a whole family to do a shop too, very weird.

I also feel sorry for small children who have to sit in buggies or walk for hours whilst the parent shops for new clothes, make up etc. Surely that's what online shopping is for?

slightlyglitterbrained · 31/12/2016 14:48

Oddly enough DP regards online shopping as depriving him of the opportunity to go shopping.

TBH you could have bumped into them at the park looking harassed and tired. I don't think having a bad 5 minutes is a good reason to condemn the whole idea of taking the family shopping. So yes, YAB a bit U OP - for all you know this was a quick trip through M&S to stock up on sales clothes before spending the rest of the day on more enjoyable stuff.

I rather dislike the idea that humans should not appear in public unless mimicking some cheesy "perfect" ad life where kids never get tired or grumpy and everyone is even tempered, immaculately dressed with perfectly creepy toothy grins.

LockedOutOfMN · 31/12/2016 14:50

Agree with OP. Whole family shopping trips may be unavoidable, and I understand that, but it's reasonable to assume that children would rather not be there (even when they claim they do wish to come...it takes much longer and is more boring than they think).

We avoid them as much as possible in our family, and my mum did the same.

Aderyn2016 · 31/12/2016 14:51

I think it's important children learn that not everything revolves around entertaining them and that sometimes they have to do things which are important to other members of the family and behave themselves while doing so. Otherwise you end up with spoilt kids who constantly expect all activities to be geared around them and who kick off if expected to do normal things like shopping.

It might also be that the parents needed to buy clothes for the dc so had to have them there. It could also be that they have limited time off and want to be together, not one stuck at home with the kids.

I know that when I go shopping with dd, we take it in turns to do something she likes and then something I like - it teaches consideration and sharing. You don't know if that family are the same.

I do agree that parents should properly parent their kids in public places and not allow them to run amok and annoy other shoppers.

TinselTwins · 31/12/2016 14:51

I also feel sorry for small children who have to sit in buggies or walk for hours

well, I feel sorry for children who have sedentary lifestyles. Going by this thread, children should ONLY ever be out in public at fixed times and in fixed places (i.e. the park) and should be out of sight at all other times.

Wellitwouldbenice · 31/12/2016 14:55

Jesus Christ. Must remember to monitor facial expression when shopping. I'd tatber stick pins in my eyes than take my DH and kids with me but honestly have never, ever thought to judge who goes with who shopping. And as for deciding that people ate taking up too much room, words fail me.

PurpleMcPants · 31/12/2016 14:55

Sorry to hear that purple - must have been awful. thank you, it really was. God only knows what people must have thought the times he was literally lying in the car park crying with pain. I'm sure in hindsight we could have figured ways around it but at the time we weren't really thinking straight, we were just barely holding ourselves together.

RacoonBandit · 31/12/2016 14:55

How the hell do people expect children to learn about life and become independent if they must always stay in the house or are only allowed to go to jungle gyms?

Can you imagine a whole generation of adults who are unable to navigate around the supermarket or pay for goods because their parents never let them go to the shop in a bid to keep judges grumps happy Confused

TinselTwins · 31/12/2016 14:55

I do agree that parents should properly parent their kids in public places and not allow them to run amok and annoy other shoppers
When is that teaching/learning supposed to take place though? if children should never "clog up" public places? Or interact with anyone outside of the park/soft play/school?

For those who avoid family trips, nobody is telling you you're wrong to hate them and avoid them for your family, but not everyone likes/dislikes the same things as you, we actually enjoy doing ordinary things together, if we only did family time when we had time/money to do designated "family outing" activities we'ld never see each other!

GetTheeBehindMeSanta · 31/12/2016 14:58

This scenario is so unremarkable, it's not worth commenting on. A family are in town together Confused. There could be so many reasons for it.

They needed clothes for the children.
They were in town for something more interesting than browsing in M&S, but wandered in on a whim.
The children wanted to spend Christmas money but also had to go in shops they weren't interested in.
They actually like being together but miserable faces run in the family.

We were shopping as a family today, for more than one of the above reasons.

MudCity · 31/12/2016 14:59

I'm with you OP.