Fucking ex-wife and PIL

[FedUpBird]

So DH and his EW (ex-wife) split 10 years ago and his family still host her at Christmas and new year.

My SIL has made it very clear she hates me and keeps a photo of DH and EW so I don't go to her house as I feel I'm made un-welcome. They have 2 kids and while I understand they see the kids which is fine but why the hell do they host her!

DH is fucked off with it and has had it out with his sister and has also blocked her on social media as they have photos on there playing happy bloody families.

We've been together about 7 years and married 2, the kids and I get on and they love coming to ours and are made very welcome.

AIBU to feel annoyed that they still treat the EW like they should treat me...gah

FedUpBird. You could say the same about me I guess in that I knew what my ex's job was and when I married him I enabled him to continue in that role and to have the family he wanted. Where it goes pear shaped is when they (usually the man), no longer wants to be married to you, but still wants you to be his wife basically, ie enable them to continue in that role unaffected by the family break down and still supported. His ex wife is supporting your lifestyle, do you really not see that ?

You may do as an adult but you don't choose it as a child, you get no choice.

I agree both parents should show their children a work ethic but it doesn't have to be one that takes them away for months on end.

Your determined you are right though and it's his ex and family that are in the wrong despite them being the only ones there for the children in actual life not just via Skype and whatever child support they can get.

But she isn't married to him anymore yet he has expected her to remain in the role of 'wife' picking up all the slack. When people get divorced things have to change. Women who were SAHMs have to go back to work, families often need to downsize. Your DH hasn't had to change his lifestyle at all. Do you think that is fair?

Unfortunately life isn't fair

But you know this is what's involved when you marry into forces, the sacrifices and such are part of the lifestyle

Then sacrificing family relationships and not being able to control who likes who and who should spend time with people should not come as such a shock to you.

DH signed up for this life he cannot then whinge and moan when he is not part of his family's everyday life. Or is it only his Ex that has to sacrifice everything to rais his children single handed?

FedUpBird well you'll have to suck up his fucking ex wife and PIL's then won't you princess

LOL new already said this twice

Unfortunately life isn't fair

In that case stop bitching about his family and his ex because of how unfair everyone is been towards you.

If life isn't fair why are you moaning?

The more you post the more I can see why his parents and sister have an issue with you. You are coming across as me me me.

What happens when he fancies another wife and it's your children left without a dad for the majority of the year and you doing all the childcare whilst he gets to live the life he wants. Maybe then you'll have a touch of empathy for the ex he left behind with his children.

The more I read about this wonderful man the more I think the ex had a lucky escape.

You say you can't wait until the ex dumps PIL when she gets a new man. I wonder just how well your DH will take another man being a father figure to his kids. Bet he would soon find it possible to change jobs and be home more.

The EW decided to accept being married to a man in the forces.
My teen son accepted a cigarette last week.

People make decisions that they may come to regret. You of all people must know how hard it is looking after sick kids or being the one who worries about stuff like friendship issues while your H is unaware. Bitching on FB isn't classy especially when your kids are old enough to be on social media but it's hard not having a break. Teens don't need looking after in terms of nappy changes etc but need to be driven places, nagged to tidy/study etc.

RacoonBandit. I bet he doesn't

'Unfortunately life isn't fair'

Well then stop moaning just because your ILs prefer his ex to you. That's life.

Not sure New he likes to control his families relationships/what the post on FB so I think if a new dad came on the scene and started to do dad things with his children I am not sure he would take it that well.

RacoonBandit oh he'll kick off but he won't step up and do anything, In my experience, probably just slag the new man off so the DC's make his life hell, if he actually has any influence left over them which is imagine is dwindling every year

Nah New he Skypes them weekly I mean that's as good as being there actually parenting innit

OP- You and EW agreed to marry a man in the military but PIL and SIL are affected by his decision yet didn't really consent did they? Your selfish H should be thanking them for being a part of his kids lives. The EW is still basically a military wife as your h hasn't changed his life choices to take into account the fact that he's divorced.
It's staggering that he can't see things from other people's perspectives. There is no way that he can have it all and he needs to understand that prioritising his career has its costs and that at the end of the day his family are looking out for the kids which is great.

No wonder his family dont like you.

The pair of you blame them, the ex, his job...basically anything you can to justify the fact that he does sweet FA for his kids.

Then think you or your dh have the right to tell them who they can and cant have in their house at christmas. Its ridiculous

And remember. You have sacrificed far lrss for your dhs job. Its his kids that are missing out.

I bet the exw thought it was worth it too. Ehen she thought he would be her partner for life and that pension would be shared.

I wonder if your dh left you, left you to raise your kids alone...wether you may change your mind on wether its worth it or not.

This has become very close to bullying.

A number of posters have decided upon a narrative and are now building upon the myths they have created. They are speculating unpleasantly about possible futures. Name calling 'princess' always indicates a move away from useful comment.

I hope some parts of this thread were useful Fed I think now is the time to leave before it decends even further. Hope you manage to work out a positive future for everyone in the family.

Yes, have decided to leave it...getting very close to bullying. Certainly feeling ganged up on

The EW decided to accept being married to a man in the forces

She accepted that with various caveats that have now disappeared - emotional support, a military pension, access to a full time salary, cheap accommodation, a father to her children who was available some of the time. As an ex wife, all of that has fallen by the way side and she is left doing the job of both parents with none of the benefits having a significant other implies. To top if off, the new wife belittles her with 'I am like a single parent' comments and demands that the support she does receive is removed. Removed, I might add, not because the OP would like to make use of that support herself or ensure that grandparents have access to all their grandchildren because she is living in a different country, but because the continued presence of the ex in the lives of inlaws she doesn't even see is somehow offensive to her.

Not once has the OP acknowledged referring to the woman who has facilitated her and her husband's lifestyle by parenting his children as the 'fucking ex wife' might have been a step too far. Rather, she has dared to suggest that the ex wanting to go on a hen night somehow makes her a piss poor parent. That the ex has no new partner means she is somehow bitter and twisted and not over it, rather than her having little time to socialise or having made a very conscious decision that her children have experienced enough upheaval to last a lifetime and that it is her responsibility to ensure some stability.

I would be careful what I wished for. I would personally struggle not to pack up my children, put them on a plane to the ex and disappear off the face of the earth for a couple of years!

Why is it when most posters disagree it is called bullying.

So it ok for the OP to speculate about unpleasant futures hope the ex has a relationship and dumps the in laws but when others do the same it's wrong?

The OP and her DH are full of entitlement and double standards not to mention hypocrisy and the ones who are really affected by it are the first 2 DC. Not that the OP cares about them as through this thread it has been all me me me and my DHs feels this and my DH has sacrificed that.

Fantastic post needs you have summed it up perfectly.

Sorry if the truth hurts OP but hey that's life.

No wonder members of the armed forces feel like the public don't understand the sacrifices they make. Based on this thread some members of the public are clueless about what is involved.

What does this even mean?

The dh here put his job before the kids he already had then moved abroad and had some more. Leaving his ex wife, parents and sister to pick up the slack. And then gets shitty because they all get on.

Thats the point. He made decided he was makinga sacrifice. Great. But he is complaining about how people deal with it.

Thats the point. Its not about not vauling the military. Its about the dh acceor8ng he has made a decision, but how other people act on the back of this is non of his business.

It has turned into a bit of a pile-on. OP and her dh are clearly devils incarnate, who have no right to want to see the dc, the PILs at xmas or NY, breathe god's clean air etc.....

Don't worry about it OP - it's an AIBU thing.