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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be sick of my step kids and their rudeness and disrespect.

391 replies

HannahSmithson45 · 30/12/2016 19:19

I feel like crying this evening. Please tell me if it's me overreacting or not.

So my two stepchildren stepson 16 nearly 17 and step daughter 15 are very sporty and along with my dh they go for runs and the gym. During the holidays they have been doing some kind of sporting activity every morning.

My ds is of a similar age and is not very active, however I encouraged him to join in on the activities yesterday and today. Yesterday they left my ds behind will our running (this is dh as well). So eventually because it is a lap around the local park they caught up with him. My ds has always struggled with sporting activities. Ds told me my step kids made made bitchy and out right nasty comments about how he can't run and how he needs to lose weight. These weren't said in front of dh but were said. I could tell it really got to my ds as he started crying when he told me earlier today (he doesn't always share how he feels.

We went out as a family earlier to the shops. We were to leave my dh has to to tell my step daughter off because she said to me "your going out like this". I was wearing no makeup and had decided I could not be bothered to put any on today. Dh made her apologise, I acceapted this apology.

While out I notice how she is rude everytime my ds tries to make conversation with her. He will try and speak to her but she will simply give a pissed off look and will just reply with one word answers. This is true of me as well.

My dd got in trouble after she insulted my family to her mother. She called me and my family money grabbing and that I'm only with her dad for his money. This is simply not true I work as well. However that was a long time ago.

However she said something really snobby about the part of town most of my family are from and where I lived before dh. I said to her back "not everyone that lives there is a criminal, chav, or on benefits". I then said well I'm from there and I've never committed a crime or claimed a benefit and I'm not a chav. She started sniggering along with stepson when I said this. My dh was away in the toilet when she said this at the restaurant, but I told him and he asked her and stepson about this and they both lied. So it was my son and my word against them. I let this go and I honestly can't be asked to argue with a fifteen year old.

My ds entered the bathroom while my step daughter was getting out the bath. She had not closed the door or locked it. He was naked as he was about to get in the bath. Ds left as soon as he saw her and she wasn't naked as she was wearing her dressing gown.

However later that evening I hear her making a fuss. She began to insult my ds about his body and was getting really nasty. I come in the room to find my ds crying and my stepson laughing. I told stepdaughter to go to room. To which she began to insult me and my ds and she called me dumb, bitch, jealous of her, money grabbing, chav, fat etc etc. I was close to tears and my ds was crying in the other room.

Dh intervenes and by this point ds had told
Me about the running incident. I was really annoyed and was expecting dh to take my side.

Guess what he comes and says that I need to apolgise to both stepchildren. He also said I had made dd cry.

This point my stepson comes in and begins to insult me as well in front of dad.

Then all of a sudden stepson out of the blue invited 3 friends round. Turns out dad had allowed them and given them money to get pizza.

I'm just sick of this, they get away with it because they lie to their dad and play the victim. They make me out to be a big horrible step mum and I'm not. I'm a step mum that doesn't want to be insulted all day and my ds be builled and have his privacy interfered with.

The bathroom thing I get why step daughter would be annoyed and I've done it with her before as she doesn't close the door. But today and yesterday me and ds don't deserve this.

Her and to a lesser extend stepsons behaviour has been so bad the last couple of months. It's been bad since we told them that we are expecting another child.

OP posts:
WannaBe · 03/01/2017 20:09

Have to say I am always somewhat Hmm at the number of "accidental" pregnancies which happen in these types of relationships.

Contraception isn't that unreliable, millions of couples manage not to get pregnant, yet there seems a particularly high rate of pregnancy amongst couples where there are complicated circumstances, bitter children etc in the equation and then "oops, we sort of discovered that we were accidentally pregnant."?

TBH I don't think that it's necessarily a case of the woman being a gold digger and deliberately falling pregnant, but I do think that in the throws of first romance and getting together there can be an element of "wouldn't it be lovely if we'd had a baby together/a baby would just make our family complete," which leads people to not be as careful with contraception as they should be, and then when nature does its thing they call it an unplanned pregnancy. It's only really unplanned in the sense that they weren't actively trying..... but then they naively believe it will bring the family together, unite the DSC etc etc, when actually all it does is cause further resentment and bad feeling. But as long as the couple are in love everyone else should be happy for them.... it doesn't work like that in second relationships where there are already children in the equation.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 03/01/2017 20:15

I agree Wanabee It's not as if the OP and her partner are teenagers.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 03/01/2017 20:20

In regards for pregnancy it was never planned I never went and said to dh let's try for a baby. It just happened (I guess you could say an accident)

Fgs you and your partner are how old? Presumably given the ages of the existing children at least mid to late thirties. Both of you know how babies are made and how to prevent them. "It just happened" is the height of irresponsibility from both of you.

SundialShadow · 03/01/2017 20:20

Wow - the amount of judgemental cuntery on this post is just stunning.

Stunningly ugly.

Good for you, you never got accidentally pregnant. You now get to act like a Mealy Fail reader and cast dispersions on those who were not so fortunate.

Have a nice time dancing around your cauldrons on the next full moon.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 03/01/2017 20:40

Have to say I am always somewhat hmm at the number of "accidental" pregnancies which happen in these types of relationships.

Accidental pregnancy happen in all types of relationships

HTH

MistressMaisie · 03/01/2017 21:42

The teens might love their new baby, who knows how it will go?

HannahSmithson45 · 04/01/2017 18:07

Hello I wanted to give an update. So far so good for ds as has not had any more bullying from the boys. However I've been insulted by dd as well as my family. she's just horrible even stepson is now calling her unnecessarily horrible. She has decided as of yesterday to live at mums and tbh everything has calmed down a lot.

OP posts:
RichardBucket · 04/01/2017 18:23

How does your husband feel about it, Hannah?

From what you've posted, it seems the next step will be him promising her the world to get her to come back...

kittybiscuits · 04/01/2017 18:37

That sounds like progress to be honest. Hopefully everyone will have a calm time and DSD will get the clear message that she is welcome as long as there is no repeat of the unpleasant behaviour. Do you think your OH has the balls to see this through?

RandomMess · 04/01/2017 19:40

I'm sure DSD will be back when she's ready!

Very typical teen girl behaviour tbh.

Lunar1 · 04/01/2017 20:12

I'm sure she'll be back soon enough, is your dh going to talk to her?

HannahSmithson45 · 04/01/2017 20:45

From what you've posted, it seems the next step will be him promising her the world to get her to come back...

He tried to get her to stay but ultimately he said living here comes with rules and that her behaviour had to be challenged. I give it another 48 hrs max and she will be back.

OP posts:
MagicChicken · 05/01/2017 05:13

DS has not had any more bullying from the boys

Are there two boys then? You've mentioned just one up until now, presumably because the other isn't much of a problem?

HannahSmithson45 · 05/01/2017 17:43

Are there two boys then? You've mentioned just one up until now, presumably because the other isn't much of a problem?

No that's a typo sorry their is only one boys. Sorry I meant to say step kids.

OP posts:
Misstic · 06/01/2017 21:45

Hi OP, you often mention being insulted by your stepkids. What are they saying that you feel is insultive? Do they mean to insult you or do you take offense at what is said even though there may be no intention to insult.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 06/01/2017 22:03

Misstic the step daughter has called the OP a bitch, dumb, a chav, money grabbing, called her family money grabbing, stated people from the area of town the OP comes from are all criminal, money grubbing, chavs.

Seems to be a lot of money grabbing going on in the step daughter's mind, unusual in a 15 year old so I assume her mother has been saying stuff in front of her.

All the comments would be considered intentionally insulting by nearly everyone I would think.

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