To be sick of my step kids and their rudeness and disrespect.

[HannahSmithson45]

I feel like crying this evening. Please tell me if it's me overreacting or not.

So my two stepchildren stepson 16 nearly 17 and step daughter 15 are very sporty and along with my dh they go for runs and the gym. During the holidays they have been doing some kind of sporting activity every morning.

My ds is of a similar age and is not very active, however I encouraged him to join in on the activities yesterday and today. Yesterday they left my ds behind will our running (this is dh as well). So eventually because it is a lap around the local park they caught up with him. My ds has always struggled with sporting activities. Ds told me my step kids made made bitchy and out right nasty comments about how he can't run and how he needs to lose weight. These weren't said in front of dh but were said. I could tell it really got to my ds as he started crying when he told me earlier today (he doesn't always share how he feels.

We went out as a family earlier to the shops. We were to leave my dh has to to tell my step daughter off because she said to me "your going out like this". I was wearing no makeup and had decided I could not be bothered to put any on today. Dh made her apologise, I acceapted this apology.

While out I notice how she is rude everytime my ds tries to make conversation with her. He will try and speak to her but she will simply give a pissed off look and will just reply with one word answers. This is true of me as well.

My dd got in trouble after she insulted my family to her mother. She called me and my family money grabbing and that I'm only with her dad for his money. This is simply not true I work as well. However that was a long time ago.

However she said something really snobby about the part of town most of my family are from and where I lived before dh. I said to her back "not everyone that lives there is a criminal, chav, or on benefits". I then said well I'm from there and I've never committed a crime or claimed a benefit and I'm not a chav. She started sniggering along with stepson when I said this. My dh was away in the toilet when she said this at the restaurant, but I told him and he asked her and stepson about this and they both lied. So it was my son and my word against them. I let this go and I honestly can't be asked to argue with a fifteen year old.

My ds entered the bathroom while my step daughter was getting out the bath. She had not closed the door or locked it. He was naked as he was about to get in the bath. Ds left as soon as he saw her and she wasn't naked as she was wearing her dressing gown.

However later that evening I hear her making a fuss. She began to insult my ds about his body and was getting really nasty. I come in the room to find my ds crying and my stepson laughing. I told stepdaughter to go to room. To which she began to insult me and my ds and she called me dumb, bitch, jealous of her, money grabbing, chav, fat etc etc. I was close to tears and my ds was crying in the other room.

Dh intervenes and by this point ds had told
Me about the running incident. I was really annoyed and was expecting dh to take my side.

Guess what he comes and says that I need to apolgise to both stepchildren. He also said I had made dd cry.

This point my stepson comes in and begins to insult me as well in front of dad.

Then all of a sudden stepson out of the blue invited 3 friends round. Turns out dad had allowed them and given them money to get pizza.

I'm just sick of this, they get away with it because they lie to their dad and play the victim. They make me out to be a big horrible step mum and I'm not. I'm a step mum that doesn't want to be insulted all day and my ds be builled and have his privacy interfered with.

The bathroom thing I get why step daughter would be annoyed and I've done it with her before as she doesn't close the door. But today and yesterday me and ds don't deserve this.

Her and to a lesser extend stepsons behaviour has been so bad the last couple of months. It's been bad since we told them that we are expecting another child.

interesting how some posters only berate others for having a view that is different to theirs. These pointless one liners and attempts to denigrate others because you don't like what they say is really a waste of your time. You are fully supportive of the OP and that's fine. Some of us are supportive but believe the OP and her son bear some blame, and it is equally okay for those views to be expressed. So please get over your righteous indignation as it is of no effect.

Well you've been pulled up repeatedly for inventing things miss, with specific examples, you just ignore and continue doing it.

You're really saying that you want to be left to talk bollocks with no interruptions or contradictions, aren't you?

snapcrap 30 years later you haven't moved on ?

Course it's bollocks that she became pregnant by accident.

brummie! What kind of shitty thing to say is that?

Yes I've moved on, but it's damaged me and it still hurts. I'm a mother of three kids, I have a very satisfying FT career and a good marriage. But anyone who was in an unsuccessful 'blended' family will understand the emotional legacy.

Pulled up for inventing things? I stand by all my comments. I can see you don't agree with them but that's life. I can live with your disagreement and won't berate you for it.

My comments are no more based on invented stuff than yours. This will be my last comment directed at you as I don't get myself involve in this pointless back and forth. Anything else I have to add will be based on further input from the OP. So don't think I'm rude if I ignore further attempts by you to get personal. I just simply don't think it would be of any value.

Actually misstic when you victim blame or aren't convinced that fat shaming is actually something, then you should be expected to be picked up on it.

Nothing about 'self righteous indignation' and more about challenging things that can cause people such as the OP DS serious problems.

Course it's bollocks that she became pregnant by accident.

Yet again, you know this how? where you there

Whatever you like miss

It's probably easier if you don't keep carping illogically back at posters pointing at your errors TBH. Tidier

Misstic. Back off now. All you are doing is inflaming this thread and turning it into a bunfight.

No one here knows the OP and I'm really getting sick and tired of the amount of people who make it their mission on a thread to pick holes in a story, project their own experiences or troll hunt.

The OP is in a situation where her child is being bullied and where she is being made to feel unwelcome in her own home. Instead of support some posters have decided to pile in an blame her son because he's obese, accuse the OP of being a gold digger; and take the side of two children who they have never met but automatically have to be in the right because they have a step mother.

I have been a stepmother to teenagers and it is bloody hard - and that was with a lovely, supportive ex wife and no kids of my own. OP I found that the best way to deal with my step children's poor behaviour was to keep pulling them up on it but not to bear grudges and to hang on in there as it does get better as they grow up. But that is my experience and what I did ,at nit work for you. Only you know your situation so do what you feel is the best thing for you and your son. And ignore the bullies on here.

I stand by everything I've said. I don't think I could say that any more strongly or make that any clearer.

That tells us everything we need to know miss

Want to pointlessly post it a third time for luck though?

So the op s now being criticised both for getting at the stepkids and also for not pulling them up enough over their behaviour and expecting their father to do some parenting? Okay....
Some people on here seem to think the op should accept any behaviour from the sc because the dh has money. What a strange attitude!

Nobody seems to have addressed this, but I'd pay more attention to the stepdaughter's concerns about feeling pushed out. That's a difficult thing for children (anyone) to admit, and she's mentioned it twice.

She needs to be reassured, not dismissed.

snapcrap 30 years later you haven't moved on ?

NewBrummie I understand fully what snapchat is saying, its over 30 years for me as well and the blended family has left a lasting legacy on me and my db.

Don't misunderstand we have both got our own families now, both good jobs and good lives, but there is always the lingering sadness that our life was not a normal or comfortable during our teenage years, that we could not do anything with our df without stepmother being involved, we felt we were constantly picked on by our stepmother our df was less and less supportive, both were hostile and critical of our mother, the list goes on, we were not allowed to be normal teenagers ( I do think a fair bit of op post is normal teenage bad behaviour) our privacy was not respected. We both left home asap and now both of us are now nc with our df

Why didn't you post on Step parents thread, OP?

The teenagers are caught between spiteful DM and feeble DH. It's always very sad that DCs end up in these situations, but it isn't the OP's fault, it's their parent's fault.
I don't see how those feeling sorry for the stepDCs feel it's ok for them to be bullying to their SDB. It isn't his fault either he is stuck with these malicious SDCs.
The Teens are angry with their DPs for messing up their lives, and are cruelly taking it out on the OP and her son. As that is the weakest person, they can't piss off their DH and DM as they are needy of their love and attention.

Many teens are horrid, the best option is that the OP hangs on in their and waits for the SDCs to grow up. Once they get past the nasty teen years they will be interested in their own lives and friends and revenging their DP's divorce will no longer be of interest to them and they should leave OP and their DSB alone.

So nothing should be done to address the bullying of her son i his own home then? He just has to wait for them to grow up?

The DH should be dealing with that.

Yes should be but isn't. Which is the whole reason for this thread!

Well you can't make someone do something.

The OP can leave the home with DS or make a point of keeping the teens and her DS apart. Sending him running when he isn't a runner seems a bad choice. She could get DS to do more stuff that takes him out of the house.
How do you suggest the DF treats his DD to make her not make underhand comments to the DSB when no one is around.

I think that blindly believing that everyone but the OP and her DS is in the wrong here and that they are just victims of these bullying children and their father is incredibly naive.

The reality is that Blended families are a minefield. You have two adults who love each other but you then have the individual children of those adults who are just expected to fall into sibling type relationships whether they want that or not, whether they get on or not. these are not conventional sibling relationships, no matter how much the adults go on about their fabulous blended family and how much they all love spending time together etc. And because the adults feel that the children should just fall into line and love the new setup because they do, they blame the ex if the children show resentment or if they don't get on with the other children, some of whom might live there on a more permanent basis while others are a more part-time fixture. And interesting how it's the part time children who always get the blame for relationships going wrong....

The DS's weight is not an issue here, apart from the fact that the OP forced him to go out with the DSC who he doesn't get on with, and because of his weight he was unable to keep up and thus the atmosphere was made worse by the resentment and response of the DSC. While any kind of bullying of the DS is wrong, I'd say that some of the responsibility for putting the DS in the situation in the first place lies with the OP, for making them all go out together in the name of playing happy families.

And I stand by what I said in a previous post, that the OP's DS crying at the drop of a hat at fifteen and not learning to stand up for himself and be more resilient is not going to do him any favours in the long-term. It is not generally the norm for a fifteen year old to be so over-emotional. And he will struggle if he doesn't learn to stick up for himself more and not to rely on his mum to stand up for him. Interesting that the OP only drip-fed that he'd lost his dad after a couple of hundred posts.....

Expecting to ground a seventeen year old is not reasonable. He's seventeen, he's old enough to drive a car, and in less than a year he will be legally an adult. Yes, he is now adult enough to be spoken to about his attitude and to be expected to take on board what he is told. But he's also old enough to have an opinion on what he feels, and what the situation is, as is the fifteen year old. And I agree that more notice needs to be taken of the fact that she says she feels pushed out by the OP and her DS, and most likely also by the baby. This fact seems to have been minimised because the OP feels that she's nasty to her. Perhaps her attitude stems from her resentment over being pushed out in favour of the OP and her DS and also now another baby.

And the DH wanted the OP to apologise. I wonder what he would have written if he was putting his side across?

Well the op says that the dd was crying as well but I don't see anyone suggesting she should be more resilient?? I agree with the pp who said that some people seem to be determined to speculate and add their own theories rather than comment on the facts.
And as for what the dad could do - he could stop believing his kids over his wife when she has actually witnessed their behaviour. If they are just able to lie their way out of it of course the sc are going to play them off against each other.

Natural siblings do not always get on, there can be jealousy and infighting though it's doubtless less common.
I don't see how to alter the DSD's feelings of being pushed out. There is another partner and pending baby in her DF's life. But that doesn't really justify her spiteful comments. She could be difficult and unfriendly without the deliberate goading and snobbish sniping. DF could try harder.

I think they just have to rub along as best they can until she is old enough to have matured and have other interests in her life.

But the OP hasn't witnessed much of this behaviour. A lot of it is the DS's word against their's, so very few actual facts involved here.

We don't know that the DSC are lying or that the OP could be exaggerating.

We know that the DS wandered naked into the bathroom, and interestingly the OP's take on that changed from naked to having a towel round him when people started to question his behaviour.

There is no way all this happened exactly as the OP stated. There is almost certainly more to this situation, but the OP feels aggrieved and therefore all the blame has to lie with the DSC.