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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate the LTB brigade....

228 replies

crazydoglady6867 · 30/12/2016 07:49

I am continually shocked by the amount of time people are told to leave their partners on here. Is it just me that thinks a relationship is hard work and needs to be saved if there is any possibility.

OP posts:
Lorelei76 · 30/12/2016 19:05

Well I'm off then
Nearly home and I do have a lovely man free life to enjoy Grin

Chippednailvarnishing · 30/12/2016 19:16

So you're just using this thread to only comment on another thread you have previously posted on, ignoring all the other posts.

Bad form OP.

Newbrummie · 30/12/2016 19:18

I found it quite the opposite. When I was pregnant with DS 7 years ago and posted I had evidence ex was cheating and I had to go to an event where she would be I was advised to get myself a new frock and my nails done and front them out .... I wish somebody had said LTB nobody did not even in real life either, well except my GP

mycatwantstokillme1 · 30/12/2016 19:53

Wow, OP just proved the old saying, you can't argue with stupid...

Pagwatch · 30/12/2016 20:06

OP

well done all of you, you are all obviously leading the perfect life alone with no man to pull you down.

What the actual fuck are you talking about?
I've been married for nearly 30 years and I am way more shocked by the incredibly crap relationships women are prepared to put up with than I am by posters saying ltb

Life throws shit at you. Sometimes that makes relationships harder but the idea that women should plough through a relationship which is often hard work is nonsense.
Life is short.

brasty · 30/12/2016 20:11

I have found that those who tend to post LTB, are in happy long term relationships. They know that relationships can be good, and that women do not have to put up with the shit that a lot of others tell them to.

Christinayangstwistedsista · 30/12/2016 20:13

There are some posters who don't even realise how bad their situation is until the " brigade" start asking questions, they have been so beaten down that they have learned to accept their lives as normal

There a poster on this thread who has very patiently engaged with a woman on a current thread who is struggling with her marriage, she hasn't harangued her to leave but has encouraged her to question her choices and shared her own story to demonstrate that it is possible to get away and move on

Christinayangstwistedsista · 30/12/2016 20:16

And if there is a t shirt and badge I will have one of each, I have watched my mother live in an abusive relationship for nearly 50 years, I wish to god there had been a brigade of mumsnetters encouraging her to leave

BertieBotts · 30/12/2016 20:23

The only people living in an abusive relationship are women?

How would that work? Grin

Do they abuse themselves?

Ahem. Anyway. Since gender hasn't even been mentioned on this thread you have to wonder which one the OP is reading Confused

JigglyTuff · 30/12/2016 20:28

crazydoglady:

You said: "I am cross about some people being told to leave a partner when he /she is a bit of a pain in the arse or a bit shouty and bossy. It does happen on here and that is no reason to split a family, these people need help to learn some self respect and stand up for themselves not just told to walk out.

and then you said this:
"I have a new insight into the lives of people on here today, they all seem to be so strong minded and lacking in nothing, not even a little self respect well done all of you, you are all obviously leading the perfect life alone with no man to pull you down.*

So what is it? Women need self-respect to learn how to stand up to men but when they have too much they leave?

I stand by what I said earlier - you're angry about the LTB posts because you're in a crap relationship and these conversations make you uncomfortable.

FWIW, most of the LTB stalwarts I know (including AnyFucker as she always gets a kicking on threads like this) are in solid longterm relationships with men. They're not telling women to LTB because they're trying to lure them into becoming single. They're saying it because they know that women don't have to settle for any old shit.

KayTee87 · 30/12/2016 20:47

you are all obviously leading the perfect life alone with no man to pull you down.

Happily married thank you and men shouldn't 'pull you down' - that's kind of the point.

HecAteAllTheXmasPud · 30/12/2016 20:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chippednailvarnishing · 30/12/2016 21:07

Our 17th anniversary is looming.

The LTBB is an organisation I'm keen to join if you are an example of its critics OP.

NotYoda · 30/12/2016 21:27

Thread about a thread

NotYoda · 30/12/2016 21:27

Married 20 years, together 27. Never pulled down

sarahnova69 · 30/12/2016 21:36

I'm well up for a LTBB T-shirt, which I would wear with immense pride. Oh and I too have been happily in a relationship for 13 years now, which is how I know it's possible to have a partner who makes your life better, richer and easier, not harder.

NotYoda · 30/12/2016 22:28

OP

On that thread you reference, you were drawing on your own experience of being the difficult one in the relationship, and were glad your DH stuck by you. That's wonderful. I am sure you aren't the only one whose husband has supported them through hard times.

It seems you feel paranoid about this though - as if anyone saying LTB is indirectly attacking you.

Butteredpars1ps · 31/12/2016 10:11

Wow, OP just proved the old saying, you can't argue with stupid...

^This.

OP I'm not on any kind of crusade, I have been with DH for 25 years but luckily he is a decent human being and It's not hard work. I have met too many people in real life who are in abusive relationships though, and I can't imagine a single scenario in which telling the person on the receiving end that they should act differently would have brought lasting happiness.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 31/12/2016 10:48

I'd sat that overall the balance is about right and you get some great advice here. Obviously MN is made up of the views and posts of many individuals, so not everyone will make the same call on a situation or relationship. But if anyone takes an overall view of the advice on a thread and combines it with the way they themselves are seeing things I don't think they'd go far wrong. Look at the great balanced view ofsarahnova on page 1 for example.
My own relationship can be rocky at times but overall he's generally just the right side of reasonable, and life and family enhancing, to be worth sticking with. No-one has ever advised me to LTB though some might if they heard my side of the story on a bad day!
I'd certainly advise my DD though to find a relationship that's as drama free and un-difficult as possible.
Someone will probably tell me to LTB now but that's OK if they do, I'll just throw it in the mix with all other views and my own reading of things.
We've had a good Christmas break this year so things looking fairly positive as we approach New Year 2017 Xmas Smile

JugglingFromHereToThere · 31/12/2016 11:04

Anyway I'll have a t-shirt and badge if there's one going!

Simonneilsbeard · 31/12/2016 11:45

Can I join the LTB brigade?
As someone who was in an abusive relationship for 12 years I can honestly that was hard work, so hard it almost broke me. My relationship now with my husband is a joy, we talk not argue, he makes me smile daily..it's easy it's not hard work.
When I see women posting on mn about the shit they put up with it's heartbreaking. Seeing women go through what I went through makes me sad and angry and I'll shout LTB from the rooftops if it helps make one woman see her worth.

YetAnotherUser · 31/12/2016 12:39

As a bloke who spent 8 years trying to fix a lame relationship, all I know is that I wish I'd given up on it a fucking hell of a lot sooner.

Nothing wrong with being told to LTB if there are grounds.

teawamutu · 31/12/2016 13:49

Badge and t shirt for me too, please. Grin

And OP, in case you were wondering - 15 happy years with a man who pulls his weight/does his fair share (note lack of word 'help'). We've had tough times and we've got through them, but none of them have involved treating each other like shit.

I am a proud LTBer because I know what a good, respectful, equal partnership is like and I hate seeing the shoddy crap so many women get stuck with.

brasty · 31/12/2016 14:08

What does LTBB mean?

GloriousRoob · 31/12/2016 14:10

Women are encouraged to accept such selfishness and laziness by society. Thankfully there is one place where the posters will call it selfishness, laziness, abuse, manipulation etc...