To hate the LTB brigade....

[crazydoglady6867]

I am continually shocked by the amount of time people are told to leave their partners on here. Is it just me that thinks a relationship is hard work and needs to be saved if there is any possibility.

Me too brasty

And yes to hats and trumpets. We could blow the trumpets when we are witness to sexist controlling domineering dickish behaviour I'd never stop when my BIL is over.

When I first joined mn I posted that I was fed up of doing all the childcare, housework, having a full time job and coming home to him moaning that everything wasn't done to a prefect standard. I was quite shocked that everyone said I should Ltb, I mean he wasn't hitting me. I didn't but it sowed a few seeds in me. And after another few years of doing everything and still everything being my fault, I did ltb.
No amount of trying harder will work unless both of you are trying.I've never regretted my decision for one minute, but wonder if mn had sown that seed that I was entitled and allowed to leave him, if I would still be there, making excuses for him and generally running myself into the ground trying to please him.
I am not alone, I know there are many women (and men) in unhappy relationships that are not fixable, but scared of leaving. Mumsnet is only a website, words online do not have the power to break up a happy relationship. But they have the power to make a person think, no I don't need to put up with this.

I am happy to join the LTB brigade. I am saddened and angered by what women put up with, the unilateral expectation that they will try. Meanwhile the man does sweet FA to improve things in the relationship.

Please think of the children and LTB. If you are with an arse of a man, it will affect your children if you continue to live with him, they do grow up thinking it is normal.

Anutteridiot

I agreed with your post completely and I can't see how anyone on this thread could have drawn the conclusion that you advocate women staying with bastards!

Mumsnet is amazing when it comes to supporting vulnerable, abused women but that doesn't mean that individual posters get things right all the time and it's silly and dangerous to think otherwise and attack/demonise people who point that out.

Beachcomber I love this:Thank God for the "LTB brigade" I say. Shame they aren't an actual organised brigade with funding and infrastructure. They could go into schools and teach teenagers about healthy relationships.

Thank GOD for the 'Leave the bastard' brigade i say!

Someone has to be brave enough to say it for someone else to think of doing it.

No one's going to walk out of a relationship on the say so of a random stranger or two on a website FGS. HOWEVER a person might just see the light in that it IS an option and it IS allowed and it IS ok to seriously think about leaving and be brave enough to say so.

The reason most marriages survive for so long is because women put up with all sorts of shit because of some misguided belief that being in a relationship is always better than not being in one, especially for children. It's dangerous nonsense.

I wonder why it makes so many women feel so insecure when posters here advise another woman in a bad relationship to ltb. I can only conclude that you need other people to stay in bad relationships to justify your own.

Reality's list at the top of the relationship board is what good relationships should be about. And that isn't one in which the man is shouty and bossy.

It's already been said then. Only skimmed thread. Ha ha. Thank god for them anyway.

Do you think we could get a grant to set up an organisation called LTB?

I'm thinking crowd funding.

LTBB.

I've just heard someone on TV say that 'the family felt a lot of shame over the daughters divorce' .... what the f*ck!?!?!?!?1 We need this LTB Brigade to spring forth, much haste!

Seriously though - I find this whole 'blitz spirit' of work through it and don't give up in the face of some truly horrible shit very damaging.

Can the uniforms not be brown.......please?

Or pink.

I think a lot of people fall for the "sunk costs" fallacy, feeling that because they have the shared history that's another reason to stay.

But when that shared history involves the partner being crap and the woman unhappy, then it's a waste of time to use that as a reason to stay. It's like my mum likes to say, no point throwing good money after bad, ie stop wasting your time.

'Sunk costs' is interesting. So is the daughters family feeling shame over divorce. My DM was morftified.

Her first words when i told her i was leaving XH was '..... but ... you've just had the kitchen done''. And then ''... and ... what about the dogs''

Dogs? Dogs? What about the kids?! You couldn't make it up seriously.

Someone asked if you would advise someone in RL to LTB. My friend didn't. She told her other friend ( not mutual ) to try to make it work becaude her children were still in primary school and her husband had a good job as a lecturer and she was still retraining so had no income.

Nine months ago , he stabbed her 70 times and then made himself a cup of tea.

Just just one of the ? 100 women murdered this year by their partner /ex.

That is so awful.

It's just another example of society valuing men more than women.

I know people are joking, but I would literally love to go into schools and teach teens about healthy relationships! My dream job. Shame I have literally no idea how to make it happen.

Bertie - I would like all school children to be taught: healthy relationships and boundaries; basic childcare skills; basic cookery skills and basic money management/budgeting skills.

They are things that will affect nearly all of us and yet we receive no/little education in how to do them. Healthy relationships should be taught from junior school, along with cyber bullying.

OP you say the relationship should be saved if at all possible

Let's apply this to a non- abusve case where someone or both parties are unhappy.

Why should the relationship be saved? What happens if it isn't? Why do you think it is important that it be saved ?

AIBU to think that anyone who uses the word 'brigade' in this kind of context is likely to be a twat who's not worth listening to?
(Haven't rtft so probably someone has already posted this, apologies if so)

Shame I have literally no idea how to make it happen

Maybe through the PTA or the governors.
Do they have some sort of citizenship class?
Assembly?

I am not that bothered about the national divorce rate, but for those who are, have you considered that it'd probably go down if people were more willing to LTB before marrying TB in the first place? I know several people who had real problems from early in the relationship, struggled on through because "relationships take work" and got married anyway, only to end up getting divorced several years later.

ageing

Yes, we've said it - gets my hackles up too

No idea where OP went.

I was one of those who had this weird idea that I had to get my ex to agree with me that the marriage should end, that effectively I needed his permission to leave. I got Mumsnet's permission instead . Best decision ever.