To be concerned about these sleeping arrangements?

[ilovemilton]

DS 8 and DD 11. Contact order in place for the next four days to be at exh house. Exh is working so he has his brother staying over to look after the DC. DC have met uncle on a handful of occasions.

It's a two bedroom house. DC each have their own rooms and exh sleeps on the sofa in a sleeping bag permanently . Therefore, with uncle staying, both of the adults will be sleeping in the lounge. The bathroom is accessed by walking through the lounge.

DD says she is not happy to be spending all weekend with a stranger. She hates contact at the best of times but I'm really concerned about the actual arrangements in place. It's a stupid time of year to be able to even do anything about it. Any advice on legalities?

I hope you get a judge with a shred of interest and common sense. I wish people would stop posting bollocks about how it's cool to leave kids with their uncle

And if the kids had said "hey mum uncle x is coming to stay for the weekend, won't it be ace to get to know him and we will have loads of fun", I probably wouldn't have said a thing.

No. They were upset that they had to sit with a stranger for four days while they wait to come home to their mum and their presents.

Because a court would assume the parent assesses the person they leave dc with. Of dad trusts his brother then what s the issue? (That is how it would be seen). Without evidence the uncle is a risk it is hard to argue...if dad considers him a responsible adult to care for dc.
As part of the bigger picture Yeh . It isn't great. But is not neglectful per se or degrading and humiliating.
Op should be reporting the cruel treatment which is withholding san pro from a young girl.

It isn't cool and it isn't great .to leave dc with someone they don't know.but I am not sure it has any weight if it comes to safeguarding issues. He is a blood relative after all.

Unless there is something spelled out in the contact order about who the dc can be with.

Court and ss have decided over many years dad is ok to be with the dc unsupervised and to make decisions about their care in that time.

But you have new evidence due to fact dd has started her periods regarding his cruel treatment of her. Bring the new evidence to the table. Let dd tell the rest too as she is now older and should be believed.

I really hope your dd will be believe, Milton.

I think it would be good if your DD (and DS) keep a private diary of all their interactions independent of any paper trial you are keeping of yours. If you can suggest they do that then at least they are empowered in that writing things down in their own words they will have ammunition for when they are older. I would recommend they keep it locked and/or back it up in software mode. Is there a third party you could trust that the children could leave their valuables and data? (and in the case of your dd sanpro)

Yes, working 43 hours in 4 days while the children are on holiday for Xmas demonstrates that he couldn't give a flying fuck about the children.

No it doesn't .It demonstrates that he has to work

8 If he had given a fuck about them, he would have let them stay at home. HTH*
so if the Op had to do especially long hours one week, or go away on a course or something and her mother came to look after the children, what that be unreasonable? Should she have sent them to their dad's ?
No, so what is the difference?

In that scenario Angel, if the OP had to work 43 hours over a 4 day period and had an unknown relative come to look after them for 4 days which they were not happy about or comfortable with, and the Dad was happy to have them and they were happy to go, then yes, they should have gone to their dad in that case. Do kids not get a say?

Dad would have seen them in the evening presumably
And it doesn't sound like ex is flexible over court ordered contact... in a reasonable situation yes.

Angel does it sound to you, assuming you have read the thread, that the ex really wants to have the kids over because he wants to see them?

He's making the compulsory visits so unpleasant I can easily see why anyone, let alone an 11 year old girl would be unhappy.

And yet he forces her to go there, even though he won't be there! That sounds like he gets a kick out of ordering everyone around.

he will be there !
4 days is 96 hours, he is working 43 of them.The kids will be sleeping what, 9 hours a day=36 hours.He will see them 4 hours a day.
This thread has set my radar tingling.The Op states nothing about the big stuff- san pro or injuries.The Op says that no clothing she has sent them with has ever been returned, it is always binned

Angel I fully admit we are only getting one side, and we can 'question' the OP, if she chooses to answer.

But from what she has said the dd doesn't want to see her dad. So four hours a day with her dad, at the end of his working day, in his grubby-sounding flat, is not a treat for her. If he really wanted to bond with her he would have rescheduled for a time when he could give them quality time, not the four hours at the end of the day, IMHO.

The point is that court won't care that he goes out to work or arranges a relative to be with the dd and ds...

but court should care about cruelty and neglect In The way of mistreatment over belongings and sanitary towels.

Courts won't care that dd "doesn't want to" ...unless she has v good reason...which she does. More now than before.

cestlavielife I agree that this new 'evidence' could tip the balance but I also know that sometimes courts do take children's opinions into account.

They could have done so earlier. I think this sanitary protection thing is a really recent development.