To be concerned about these sleeping arrangements?

[ilovemilton]

DS 8 and DD 11. Contact order in place for the next four days to be at exh house. Exh is working so he has his brother staying over to look after the DC. DC have met uncle on a handful of occasions.

It's a two bedroom house. DC each have their own rooms and exh sleeps on the sofa in a sleeping bag permanently . Therefore, with uncle staying, both of the adults will be sleeping in the lounge. The bathroom is accessed by walking through the lounge.

DD says she is not happy to be spending all weekend with a stranger. She hates contact at the best of times but I'm really concerned about the actual arrangements in place. It's a stupid time of year to be able to even do anything about it. Any advice on legalities?

This really is distressing your poor DD I feel so sorry for her and for you.

I have zero experience of situations like this but what if your DD point blank refuses to go? Doesn't get in the car/on the bus? You cannot drag her kicking and screaming to see him?

Surely we are all being child centred and putting the rights of the child at the forefront of care nowadays it sadly seems not

How is your dd op? When are they due to go?

Hi Milton I am guessing they are there now.Good luck.

Do you think the Uncle might be more reasonable about your DC's going out etc?

Yes they've been there for two days now. They haven't seen their dad yet. Not that that's particularly a bad thing. Just seems pointless when I'm sitting at home with all their new toys. At least she can text me in peace. Two days to go.

Seems totally ridiculous ilove. Could you go to mediation to make sure this doesn't happen again? Judge totally agreed that if my ex is working during school hols then they stay with me instead and he loses out. no point the kids being there if they don't actually see their dad!

How are they getting on?

Just the usual isolation and boredom. They haven't left the house the whole time or done anything much more than sit around and wait to come home. Exactly the same as when dad has them. Looking forward to having them home.

OP could you give your DD a body pouch that she could wear under her clothes for sanpro, pain relief etc? A money belt type could be sufficient. It sound like a horrific situation and I know that you shouldn't need to resort to such tactics but if their father is removing such essentials from her bag, it may offer her a little control.

One more day to go, Milton. Yay.

He really is a controlling wanker. Just to make a point. What a pitiful excuse for a father.

I hope your children return safe and well today.

Poor kid. Difficult enough for her worrying about menstruating while at her dad's when he sounds far from caring. Add to that an uncle she barely knows will be 'in charge' while dear daddy is at work.....I wouldn't be forcing my DD to go either court order or not. She needs to feel safe and I'm guessing most of the comments on here are from men or people without daughters. She's at a vulnerable age.
They'll form their own relationship with dear daddy but for now as a mum your kid's emotional well being and stability is your priority, I know all about that. Been there. My DD hasn't got a good relationship with her dad now as he was just as lacking in compassion and care as your EXH sounds. Put your kids well being first. They'll thank you in the future.
No way would I be sending my young kids to stay with a stranger, family or not. My ex SIL is a complete weirdo.
Next time he wants to have them perhaps he could take time off work. Always sleeps on the sofa in a sleeping bag????? Wtf?

Hasn't he been to a DIY shop ever? B&Q sells very cheap locks Twat

So she you rang your ex to challenge him about throwing away the sanpro, what did he say?
Has he thrown at away her sanpro on this visit?
Howcdo you know your dad was not making it up because she hates going so much?

Dd not dad!

I'm actually glad someone else thinks that a permanent use of a sleeping bag on the sofa is weird!!

I'm actually glad someone else thinks that a permanent use of a sleeping bag on the sofa is weird!!

I think it is lazy and slovenly. It removes the need to change sheets, make up a bed etc.

Obviously completely not applicable to anyone who is in the situation of having no choice but he has. Your children are young enough to share a bedroom and even if they were not he could use one of the bedrooms when they are there.

Secondly, google says you have to be about 8 stone (?) to start your periods so she can't have yet

He is an idiot. I was well under 7stone when my periods started. I don't think I hit 8 stone until I was pregnant at 30.


Cafcass agreed with him re her being too young to have started and said I must be lying.

They are idiots too.

scottishdiem

No we don't care because she isn't shitting in front of them, is she? She's walking past her UNCLE (not a stranger) and DAD to go to the toilet, which presumably has a door. I don't see an issue at all. Unless she's growing hair out of every orifice I don't think she genuinely needs the level of privacy you're suggesting (a floor to herself maybe?)

A lock on the bathroom door is not a floor to herself. She doesn't know the uncle. Don't be so disingenuous.

I managed to grow up in a house with one bathroom, three brothers and no lock on the bathroom. How did that happen? Oh, because we told people when we were using it.

"She doesn't know the uncle" - yeah, but he's her UNCLE. Presumably he's not just someone off the street.