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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be concerned about these sleeping arrangements?

342 replies

ilovemilton · 29/12/2016 21:13

DS 8 and DD 11. Contact order in place for the next four days to be at exh house. Exh is working so he has his brother staying over to look after the DC. DC have met uncle on a handful of occasions.

It's a two bedroom house. DC each have their own rooms and exh sleeps on the sofa in a sleeping bag permanently Hmm. Therefore, with uncle staying, both of the adults will be sleeping in the lounge. The bathroom is accessed by walking through the lounge.

DD says she is not happy to be spending all weekend with a stranger. She hates contact at the best of times but I'm really concerned about the actual arrangements in place. It's a stupid time of year to be able to even do anything about it. Any advice on legalities?

OP posts:
WhiteStars · 02/01/2017 15:18

Are you trying to imply for some serious reason that your children's uncle is a paedophile?!

WhiteStars · 02/01/2017 15:19

^spurious not serious

Atenco · 02/01/2017 15:37

Cafcass agreed with him re her being too young to have started and said I must be lying

That is sheer madness, lots of girls have started their periods by that age.

angeldelightedme · 02/01/2017 15:53

I think it is ilegal to pay someone to look after your child for days on end unless they are a registered child minder, which, I am guessing, he is not.

Does not apply to blood relatives

kittybiscuits · 02/01/2017 16:13

It's not Xmas any more but the turkeys seem to be back....

SparkleSoiree · 02/01/2017 17:35

Surely it's not difficult to understand that a biological connection does not automatically come with a connection of trust? One does not indicate the other.

I have relatives in my family who are paedophiles, we were kept at a distance from them growing up but I knew who they were and they always said hello to me and seemed perfectly normal to me but obviously, my parents knew something at that point that I didn't. I also have relatives in my family that I don't know at all who are probably very normal people but regardless of their biological connection they are still strangers to me. Therefore I wouldn't trust them to look after my children until I was satisfied that they were capable of looking after children. It's not a gender thing either, male or female can be equally incapable of making good decisions when looking after children or NOT making any decisions at all.

The uncle issue is a trust issue and I don't really think any of us would leave our children with anyone that we had no relationship with, much less with someone else on a visitation weekend without either parent there. It's also a separate situation to professional childcare because they are trained and have to be safety checked, etc. and usually the children get to meet those people, after the parents have spent time researching and meeting with them first.

It really is a very unfair situation that the OP's children are being put into.

creakyknees13 · 02/01/2017 17:47

I think it is ilegal to pay someone to look after your child for days on end unless they are a registered child minder, which, I am guessing, he is not

No, it's not. You can pay whoever you like to look after your kids.

BurningBridges · 02/01/2017 17:59

Are they home today or tomorrow OP?

Original poster
ilovemilton · 02/01/2017 18:20

Home now Smile

Lots of hugs and love going on. And finally they get to actually play with their presents!

OP posts:
TheDowagerCuntess · 02/01/2017 18:27

Glad to hear they are home. Flowers

This thread is why I would never start a thread on here about an actual problem. It has been brutal reading this, and I'm not even the OP.

FlowersWineCake

ChasedByBees · 02/01/2017 18:41

Cafcass agreed with him re her being too young to have started and said I must be lying.

Do you have any texts from DD she. She says she can't access things she needs! Could this be proof?

Original poster
ilovemilton · 02/01/2017 18:58

I do try and present all sorts of evidence.

Basically he has convinced the court and cafcass that I hate him and want to stop contact. So everything is twisted into "she made it up" "she's lying" "she's making DD say that" etc.

I don't get believed and we've ended up in a situation where both children and I are just allowed to be repeatedly physically and mentally hurt because he just responds with "it's not true" and I get punished.

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 02/01/2017 19:18

Ok, did not realise it applies only to non blood relatives.

creakyknees13 · 02/01/2017 19:33

italian, it has nothing to do with being blood-relatives. There is no law at all that prevents someone from paying another person to look after their child, even if that person is not a registered childminder. You can choose whoever you like and pay them, doesn't matter how long for.

There are of course rules about someone holding themselves out to be a registered childminder when they are not and rules against running childcare establishments for the public without appropriately trained supervisors.

kittybiscuits · 02/01/2017 19:43

I agree Dowager. It's been terrible. Fair play to you OP for responding to the well-intentioned posters. Glad you have them home.

Italiangreyhound · 02/01/2017 19:44

creaky well as far as I am aware it just is not true you can pay anyone to look after your kids, or why would child minders etc bother to get registered nd checked out. The restrictions as far as I am aware apply to paying people, but of course I am guessing babysitting etc is not included. This was four days so not babysitting.

MrsMattBomer you have clearly not read this thread your comments are laughable, if this were not such a serious matter.

Ilove when you say hurt do you mean physical injuries? Is there evidence? How can this happen in this day and age?

Your ex sounds like a monster. Angry

Italiangreyhound · 02/01/2017 19:46

Any way creaky the uncle doesn't sound like he did a bad job so this is all a mute point.

Italiangreyhound · 02/01/2017 19:55

www.aviva.co.uk/life/family-life/article/choosing-childcare-choosing-friends-carefully/

"Is it ‘legal’ to pay a friend for child-minding?A good question! Of course it is – but there are implications. Much depends on how you’re thinking about ‘paying’ for that care. If your friend is simply looking after your child at home, or in your home, and not being rewarded for doing that then there’s no need to register as a childminder. But if you’re handing over cash, cheques or even vouchers to a friend (‘money or money’s worth’) in exchange for their commitment to looking after your child, then, technically, they need to register as a childminder – even if it’s a one-off payment."

As I say, I think it is now a mute point.

creakyknees13 · 02/01/2017 19:58

creaky well as far as I am aware it just is not true you can pay anyone to look after your kids, or why would child minders etc bother to get registered nd checked out. The restrictions as far as I am aware apply to paying people, but of course I am guessing babysitting etc is not included. This was four days so not babysitting

OK, can you point me to the legislation or regulations that state that you cannot pay people who are not registered childminders to mind your children? Or even a website which mentions it? The reason why childminders bother to get registered is that no sane parents would pay to leave their child with an unregistered stranger. Also, the childminder would be advertising a specific service to the public and would therefore need to be registered. That's different to me saying to you that I will give you £250 to look after my kids for a week. Nothing to stop me from doing that, or as you say, paying a teenager to babysit.

creakyknees13 · 02/01/2017 20:03

Sorry, x-post. Thanks for the link. It is still not illegal to hand over cash, but if someone is working as a childminder and calling themselves a childminder, they should be registered. This is to protect the general public.

Still legal for me to pay my neighbour some money to care for my children. What about au pairs? No need for registration or qualification. Ongoing childcare in exchange for money. There is nothing stating it is illegal. What is illegal is someone working as a childminder and saying they are a childminder if they are not registered.

Not sure it's a moot point

creakyknees13 · 02/01/2017 20:06

Also, the key difference is that if you are using your own home to care for children, you need to register. If the children are being cared for in their own home (which is the case here), there are no restrictions.

noeffingidea · 02/01/2017 20:09

whitestars the Op doesn't have to 'imply' anything. She doesn't know enough about him to know that he definitely isn't one. Her daughter is uncomfortable about being in his care, thats good enough reason for the OP to have concerns.
Plenty of paedophiles are uncles, aunts, fathers , mothers, brothers, etc etc.

Italiangreyhound · 02/01/2017 20:11

I think we had better agree to differ creaky. I think it is a moot point to me (yes meant moot not mute!) in that my reason for mentioning it was it seemed unfair kids were being cared for by a virtual stranger who was not a child care provider normally.

He see s to have done an OK job as far as I can see, so it Doran't seem significant. Except that dad has forced dd to visit when he was not even there! Which totally fucked up parenting in my book!

Italiangreyhound · 02/01/2017 20:12

Ps it is not her own home, it is her father's home, which she is forced to stay in against her will!

Original poster
ilovemilton · 02/01/2017 20:18

I very much doubt that he even paid him petrol money.

OP posts:
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