To be concerned about these sleeping arrangements?

[ilovemilton]

DS 8 and DD 11. Contact order in place for the next four days to be at exh house. Exh is working so he has his brother staying over to look after the DC. DC have met uncle on a handful of occasions.

It's a two bedroom house. DC each have their own rooms and exh sleeps on the sofa in a sleeping bag permanently . Therefore, with uncle staying, both of the adults will be sleeping in the lounge. The bathroom is accessed by walking through the lounge.

DD says she is not happy to be spending all weekend with a stranger. She hates contact at the best of times but I'm really concerned about the actual arrangements in place. It's a stupid time of year to be able to even do anything about it. Any advice on legalities?

If the 11 year old girl is uncomfortable with the dads brother then you need to tell her dad.

Niloufes have you read ANY of the thread?

No, I have now though. Horrendous situation.

creakyknees thank you for your info. I am not giving advice just making suggestions. I have not been in the OP's position or her daughter's so what I am saying OP must be taken light of this.

I ha e no idea of there is some sort of secretly order on proceedings that mean the OP or the child cannot talk about the situation. If I were a child put on this shit situation by the courts I would really want to find a legal way out of this.

Twogunslongers that is a brilliant and kind suggestion. Very helpful. This Mumsnet at it's best. The earlier parts of the thread were very much not.

It is great to see a poster apologizing too. I think what happens at the start of a threat is that people can jump to conclusions. But it's not possible to include all in an opening post.

creaky that was a genuine comment, I was just making suggestions, I don't have any legal training. But I do think it is appaling a parent cannot be accessed by social services and that this type of thing is deemed acceptable.

Our son is adopted. His birth parents were both negligent and so he was taken from their care. This dad sounds negligent but because the mum is a good mum she has custody of her children, or whatever the correct word is now, and he still sees them.

If her ex were caring for his kids in such a manner alone would social services be happy?

That is what pisses me off. Social services should be there for all children who need them.

When the daughter discusses her father's conduct, the state of the house, the virtual stranger he has asked to Cate for them for four days solid, etc, is that breaching some sort of security around discussing her own experience?

I am not trying to be difficult creaky just trying to understand how in the 21st century the feelings of children, especially here a girl, are still so ignored.

Milton Please ignore me, it just makes me so angry! I wish you well and hope you 're post in the right place and take up twogunslingers offer, if possible.

No I agree. It's nice to hear that other people think it's as crazy as I do. The whole situation drives me mad.

twogunslingers that's a really kind offer. Sometimes mumsnet reminds me we are a decent bunch most of the time.
Hope you and your dd are getting some help op.

I've known several parents in this awful, trapped position. I suspect what needs to happen is for your daughter's generation to reach 18, organise and begin suing for LA for not only failure to protect but also court ordered submittance to what was known and reported abuse. Several massive insurance payouts should change policy a bit for other kids, but it doesn't help yours now.

If the only thing you can do is help your daughter get through the remaining time she has to serve on the court order, then maybe step one is to help her get advice, legal if necessary, on how exactly how old she has to be before she has the right to decide whether or not to comply, and how she does this without getting you arrested/residency reversed. At least she can know when the sentence ends. Step two is how she manages her personal privacy and dignity with san pro/bras.

Is he searching her belongings and removing all? Would he make her take off a bra she was wearing so he could throw it away, does he check her to see if she's wearing one? Does he search her pockets for san pro or can she hide some on her? Is he allowing her ANY form of san pro at all or insisting she has to bleed through her clothes?

If the answer to any of those is yes then unfortunately it's going to need considering as a safe guarding report, and it may help if dd does this through school so it's an independent adult rather than coming from you.

The destruction of clothing/underwear I provide happens at washing time. Nothing I send is ever seen again, and he has blatantly told me he destroys it.
Collection is generally from school and so what she can take is limited but yes, he goes through her back and removes anything, including school letters. She texts me to say she has to use tissues and her back/tummy "is killing" and she's not allowed anything.

italian, I know you were only trying to help. However, SS would not get involved with a private law dispute between the parents. The court has decided (on the basis of a report of a Cafcass social worker who has assessed the situation) that the girl should have contact with her father. SS is limited as to what it can do. All they could do is apply for a care order or supervision order to place the DD in foster care and there is no suggestion that this would be appropriate here. SS cannot stop the DD from seeing her dad if the courts have sanctioned it after investigating the circumstances. Therefore, there is nothing that they can be sued for not doing.

I am pleased that the OP has been given the offer of legal help and I hope she bites the PP's hand off. It sounds like a far from straightforward case and it really is impossible to draw any substantial conclusions just from the OP's posts. When I have dealt with cases involving alleged parental alienation syndrome, it is hard to stay impartial because as I said previously, the parents involved truly believe that they are doing what is best for their children. However, sometimes very experienced professionals disagree with that.

OP, have you taken twogunslingers up on the offer of legal help?

I have PM her thanks

The courts need to change and stop allowing contact when the children don't want it and aren't benefitting from it.

Because cafcass are involved, every time it is referred to safeguarding, the worker jumps on it, tells safeguarding the issues are being addressed in court and there are no concerns, and safeguarding close the case. The most recent referral was the first to actually be investigated, and they concluded that the constant court proceedings are damaging to us all and need to stop. Her report was dismissed as inaccurate.

Milton whose report was dismissed? The social worker of your dd?

My thoughts were, you have been ill served because you have had to be self representing and therefore cannot know the hows and whys of bringing things to a Court hearing. It's easier for the other side to get much of what you say dismissed simply because there is a protocol to these things. Such a generous offer by Gunslingers I nearly wept with relief for you. It's exactly what you and your DD need, someone who knows the legal system to protect and steer you through it. I do wish you all the very best.

I have absolutely no experience of this sort of thing so apologies if this is inappropriate but could your DD bring up her concerns at school, with her school nurse for example? I used to work in HV so I know that schools nurses have very similar protocols they have to follow on child protection issues. The school can't say they aren't involved if her dad is picking her up directly from school. They have a duty of care not to release her into a knowingly abusive environment.

I don't understand how he could have physically hurt the DC in the past and this be disregarded?!

Practically speaking... if your DD and Ds are being looked after for 12 hours everyday over the contact weekend and she needs sanitary wear then can she ask him to take her to the shops? Can she walk to a local shop safely? Then she will have some for the majority of each day at least.

Is there anywhere she can hide a few pads in the bathroom? So that her dad doesn't find them when he goes through her bag? Or can you drop some off every morning after her dad has gone to work?? (Leave them on the door mat if you're not allowed to make actual contact...?)

*ask her uncle I mean

I don't understand why he takes away her san pro? What on earth reason does he give for that?

In layman's terms, it's because he's a total cunt and his aim in seeing the children is to control and punish their mother.

Firstly, I provide them and he can parent how he likes. Secondly, google says you have to be about 8 stone (?) to start your periods so she can't have yet

Absofrig...they aren't allowed out when they are there for the weekend. She wouldn't be allowed to the shop.

Again, the school have passed concerns a few times but cafcass always halt it by saying it is being dealt with in court.