For someone to say that they only find blokes from their own race attractive?

[Ubertasha2]

Hi, trying to settle an argument here:

One friend (30s) says she only 'fancies' blokes from same race as hers (white). This is her personal preference, she says she can't change how she feels and is NOT a racist. She is not a malicious person at all and is actually not an outspoken person on topics of race, religion and politics (unlike other friends of mine!).

Friend 2 says you can't only express this but you can't think it as "you are almost certainly a racist"' (if you feel like this).

Friend 3 feels that friend 3 mightn't be a racist and can feel that way, but MUST NEVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES MENTION THIS TO ANYONE etc etc in case it offends.

I kind of agree with friend 3, as I feel that you like what you like. Maybe it's a bit narrow minded to say "right, that's it, I know what I like and I'm not budging" etc etc, but as long as she doesn't share this preference with others (where she could obviously pointlessly offend someone and be labelled a racist etc etc), she's keeping a private opinion to herself, surely?

Just wanted an opinion as v uncomfortable discussion!

Agreed @MrsTerryPratchett

I'm into tall, lanky types with somewhat mutinous hair and "interesting" features. it so happens that the people I've dated or slept with are all white guys, probably only 1/3 of them fitting that description in its entirity. DH happens to fit it entirely - and is a redhead!

That doesn't mean that people who are not white - or not guys - don't give me the fanny gallops. YY to Barack Obama. But it's not just looks there and I think that's the clincher.

Thanks to film for that geeky maths wizard stereotype

Yeah, but that gets me seriously hot under the collar, so it's not always a turn off! I forgot intelligent as part of my "type"!

I suppose that attraction and selection of relationships has at some level to be a discriminatory process: that's the whole point surely!
There is no circumstance at which you should be considering equal opportunities legislation and worrying about not considering potential candidates to for a physical relationship: as its your personal autonomy at stake, and no one has the right to demand you consider them as a sexual partner.

When and how personal preferences are expressed is the problem

Intelligence is very very important and a sense of humour and tallness and confidence. Not just about looks.
OH is classically tall dark and handsome.

I'm white and have only been attracted to white men. I put that down to the fact that I have predominantly white friends and know very few black/ethnic people. I don't consider myself racist because of that but maybe I am because I can't imagine being with a black man. I've confused myself!

Time for an oh dear...

It is a preference but I can see why someone MAY find it racist if she puts it as "im only attracted to my race" it kind of sounds like she doesnt see others as part of her clique because of what they were born.
She doesnt need to say the race all she needs to say is "He's not my type" if someone ask her to say more maybe just say pale skin/blue eyes ect white traits. It doesnt take a scientist to work out what her type will be then.

I don't think it's racist, though I can see you'd perhaps want to be careful how you phrased it as people could take it the wrong way.

I tend to be attracted to white Jewish guys, Indian guys, and mizrahi (middle eastern Jewish men). Sasha Baron Cohen is gorgeous, and I also have a wee crush on David Baddiel and Jason Siegel. There's loads of Chinese men where I live and certainly many of them are very fanciable.

I don't find a typically German, Scandinavian, or a Slavic face at all attractive. Esp German. And there's been fewer black guys I'm attracted to (though I'll make an exception for Darius Rucker). I doubt men from these categories are mourning my loss!

You like what you like! I like a big nose, sensual curved mouth, wry manner. I find very few men in real life attractive - I like a quirky face and men where I am I find rather dull.

It's one thing having a sexual preference but dismissing entire races of people is quite obviously dodgy. Saying "I'm not attracted to black men" obviously has VERY different connotations to "I'm not attracted to blond men".

I think it's racist and I'm surprised that I seem to be in the minority in thinking that. It might not be malicious, but (most likely) a learned cultural bias.

Also not helped by him telling me black men don't go down on women.

Actually, that's a pretty common rumor here. It's not been my experience though.

I don't think it's necessarily a learned cultural bias. There's a lot of things go into the mix; famous people we crush on at a young age, people that put us off types (yucky relatives, horrid teachers etc), literary heroes, etc.

I think saying "I'm attracted to white Frenchmen" is very different than saying "I could never go out with a black man". The first is not racist, the second sounds like it probably is.

lizzieoak - famous people and literary heroes within a specific culture are, more often than not, of the dominant race within that culture, so are actually a very good example of a learned cultural bias.

I'm with steff. That's bullshit.

I think this is really deep and difficult..

Reading PP's, we seem to be saying:-
I don't fancy men with blonde hair is not racist, it's a sexual preference
I don't fancy men with brown skin is racist... nothing to do with sexual preference..

Blonde hair, brown skin... wherefore the difference?

'White' isn't actually a description of skin colour though. There are PoC who have lighter skin than some white people. If someone said they like really light colouring in a man that's one thing. Saying they only fancy white people is quite another.

I've dated an Italian man with darker skin than a mixed heritage man I dated.

And as I said almost 90% of men are PoC so that's a lot of people to discount.

Depends how she said it of course. Which the OP is very tight-lipped about. For some reason.

Well, looking at this page, you have redfairy saying that she couldn't imagine being with a black man; have you ever heard someone say that about a brunette, or someone with brown eyes? Someone completely unable to comprehend being with someone due to their hair or eye colour?

(Tbf, ginger men seem to be an example to counter the above, but I think that's largely due to a historic learned cultural bias stemming from British xenophobia towards Irish people).

Sorry that was in response to Itisnoteasybeingdifferent

Sybys, to an extent, for sure, but famous people are accessible across slightly wider geographic boundaries. So you could be from a tiny, very white village and fancy Phil Lynott or Kanye. Or live in a French mountain village and develop a passion for Bruce Lee. Or live in Sujhou & fixate on Chris Martin (I had a student from Sujhou who adored all things Coldplay).

I grew up in very Waspy environs and largely through tv had a number of silly crushes on people like Dustin Hoffman.

So I was thinking more of how we get exposed to a wider set & latch onto notions that may or may not reflect our dominant one.

Sybys, I actually have an unreasonable aversion to blondes. Now I'm not ruling them out entirely, but I've yet to see a blonde man that I'm attracted to. Unless we count Jason Segal, but I'm not sure I'd call him blonde.

I've certainly heard men saying they prefer blondes to the exclusion of all other hair colours.

Of course then you meet Mr or Ms Right and none of that matters.

itisnot because the diversity of all non white men is absolutely vast perhaps?

I've always typically been attracted to white guys, black guys from African / Carribbean origin, Japanese or mixed race guys. All my boyfriends have been tall white slim and pale though.

I've realised thanks to this thread that I've never really fancied a Latino / Spanish looking guy. I don't think it's anything to do with race but to dismiss ALL non whites seems strange to me.

lizzieoak - that's why unsaid 'more often than not' rather than 'exclusively', but even with the increasing globalization of media, the vast majority of people you'll see on your tv in the UK are white. same for movies, computer games and other media.

Then there's the actual portrayal of various races in media. It's not that often you get an actor of Asian heritage playing the romantic lead in a Hollywood movie, for example.

True nuff about the roles available to non-white actors. Sad but true, romantic leads who aren't white (in more $$ films that are not out of Bollywood) are few and far between.

I've never liked mainstream films so in my bubble they don't entirely exist (making baffled face @ self).

A race isn't a monolith. Saying "I'm never attracted to people from X race" is like saying they all look the same, all behave the same, etc. That's what's racist about it. It boils people down to their race only instead of recognizing that every person is an individual first and a member of their race second.

I mean fair enough if you've never been attracted to anyone not from your race yet, that's anecdotal and personal. But to say you never will is what people have issue with, because you don't and can't know that unless you're reducing people to just their race - which IS racist.

Apologies, on phone so haven't rtft, will have a look when I get home lol.