For someone to say that they only find blokes from their own race attractive?

[Ubertasha2]

Hi, trying to settle an argument here:

One friend (30s) says she only 'fancies' blokes from same race as hers (white). This is her personal preference, she says she can't change how she feels and is NOT a racist. She is not a malicious person at all and is actually not an outspoken person on topics of race, religion and politics (unlike other friends of mine!).

Friend 2 says you can't only express this but you can't think it as "you are almost certainly a racist"' (if you feel like this).

Friend 3 feels that friend 3 mightn't be a racist and can feel that way, but MUST NEVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES MENTION THIS TO ANYONE etc etc in case it offends.

I kind of agree with friend 3, as I feel that you like what you like. Maybe it's a bit narrow minded to say "right, that's it, I know what I like and I'm not budging" etc etc, but as long as she doesn't share this preference with others (where she could obviously pointlessly offend someone and be labelled a racist etc etc), she's keeping a private opinion to herself, surely?

Just wanted an opinion as v uncomfortable discussion!

Renton??!

Tent, even

I was discussing marriage across culture and race with an American friend who is Asian. His observation was that in his experience Korean marry Korean, Pinoy Linoy, Chinese Chinese etc because it's your cultural normal, an element of genetic hardwiring & there's pleasing your parents. But New York where's he from is more racially divided although also very diverse whereas he found London much more racially intermixed both socially & in housing. Idt it has anything to do with racism.

Pinoy Pinoy*

I cannot say I've ever been attracted to anyone outside of my own race. Doesn't mean it would be impossible but so far out of all the people I've seen it's never happened.

I also like my men older than me, taller than me, dark hair, broad shoulders etc so I wouldn't date a tiny tall blonde man of my own race.

"oldlaundbooth

Sorry, correction.

Due to a recent sex filled dream I would allow Barack Obama into my Renton on a cold night grin"
Oooh

oldlaundbooth
Due to a recent sex filled dream I would allow Barack Obama into my tent on a cold night grin

You may be disappointed - there's lots on Youtube asserting he is gay, Michele is trans and their children were adopted. Some of it's pretty interesting.

Some people have more rigid preferences than others. Unless your friend means she wouldn't date someone outside her race because of the fact they are non-white then no, it's not racist.

I agree with others that you like who you like (romantically) for whatever reason be it familiarity or liking a certain look.

But I'd be careful in how this was expressed as it could well come across as downright rude depending on who you were with, even if they didn't interpret it as racist. Such conversations are probably best kept between small groups of friends that know each other well!

I think your preferences are set at a pretty young age. My brothers best friend at school was half Persian, half uk white and I had a massive crush on him from the age of about 4.
Always fancied dark haired men with sallow skin and guess what - I'm married to a man who's half Persian (and absolutely gorgeous I might add ).
I'm pretty sure my tastes must have been set at the age of 4 because I adored my brothers friend.

That is definitely not racist. Racism is being derogatory about another persons race ot feeling you are better than them.

She didn't say that she just said she is only attracted to people of the same race. I have to say I am the same. I am certainly not racist. I can't help what I am physically attracted to!

My roaming eyes know no barriers. I have fancied every "type" of man, regardless of skin- tone, hair colour or nationality.

However.

I'm 5'11"..I like my men to be taller than me, preferably be taller than me if I'm in heels . I don't like to feel like the "bigger" person.

I was once out dancing at a club. An Asian guy came up to me and started to chat me up. He was pleasant, polite and charming. But he was a good 5-6 inches shorter than me. I politely declined his offer of a drink, he then got really pushy and started ranting about me being racist. At this point I snapped and said "it's nothing to do with your race, it's the fact you're so much shorter than me"

Which also didn't go down too well.

(My DP is also 5'11" so I still don't get wear heels - doesn't bother him if I'm taller than him, but does me!)

You may be disappointed - there's lots on Youtube asserting he is gay, Michele is trans and their children were adopted. Some of it's pretty interesting.

Racist would be not accepting her friends, or relatives, having black partners. Or rejecting friendships with anyone not white.

The first part may be correct, but the second? Who you form a non-intimate friendship is as much a matter of personal choice as who you form an intimate relationship with. Talk of racism, sexism, homophobia, disablish, lookism, xenophobia, etc., is just out of place.

Sexual attraction can be racist.

If you are turned off black men because you see them all as violent or thuggish, then a racist stereotype is informing your sexual attraction.
If you aren't attracted to Asian men because you can't imagine them in a sexual way (Thanks to film for that geeky maths wizard stereotype) then a racist stereotype is informing your sexual attraction.
If you are only attracted to an 'English gentleman' type personality and want someone to open car doors and pull out chairs for you, and that is the reason you've only dated white guys, then a racist stereotype is informing your sexual attraction.

These character traits aren't linked to race.

Who you form a non-intimate friendship is as much a matter of personal choice as who you form an intimate relationship with.

Physical attraction is different from establishing friendships.

If you have similar interests and come in regular contact with someone who's nice and approachable, but not from your ethnicity, but you reject them because of that ethnicity and in spite of having all other conditions to be friends, then you are racist.

Not racist imo.

Racism is believing someone of another race is inferior to you.

There's no set rule you'll find a certain type attractive.

I find white men and mixed race men attractive, generally.

However, I'm not really attracted to mixed race women whereas I am white and Hispanic women.

It doesn't mean I wouldn't work with someone, be friends with someone etc - it's a turn on thing. They don't turn me off, just don't turn me on.

Like really short men, really tall women, those with full body tattoos etc.

But I'd probably not mention it because a) it might sound goady and b) I couldn't be bothered with trying to defend my stance with those who would choose not to respect mine.

Im only attracted to white men.

Of course its not bloody racist. Its sexual preference. I dont fancy women. It doesnt make me sexist.

Specifically tall men. Fair with blue eyes. Does that make me prejudice against short men?

"RortyCrankle

oldlaundbooth
Due to a recent sex filled dream I would allow Barack Obama into my tent on a cold night grin

You may be disappointed - there's lots on Youtube asserting he is gay, Michele is trans and their children were adopted. Some of it's pretty interesting."

Yeah right.

My type is tall (6'2" plus), broad & clean shaven - not bothered by race. I don't think your friend is racist, just has a 'type'.

I think sexual attraction has to be 100% genuine and "allowed" or we get into murky waters re: consent, and people feeling bullied into dating/sleeping with people they really don't want to.

I also agree that those feelings may be backed up by latent or hidden prejudices but that these come secondary in the sexual arena to the enthusiastic consent of the individual when it comes to sexual matters.

I also believe that some (?most) sexual attraction has nothing to do with prejudices and is just... preference, the way we prefer certain foods, or colours, or anything else in life.

I'm white and exclusively prefer black men. There's a lot about them I like, including enhanced musculature (not attracted to slim/skinny black men), but I also just completely prefer the dark skin (not attracted to light-skinned black men or mixed race).

I wouldn't completely exclude someone based on my physical preferences alone, but I also wouldn't blame someone for wanting to be that picky. When it comes to who you share the most intimate parts of your body with, I think this absolutely has to be allowed.

As has been revealed here an awful lot of people are very picky when it comes to partners for a whole range of reasons and as long as every one accepts that they its all good. Some women prefer tall me, some men prefer skinny women. Its all acceptable.

Its not racist at all to have a colour preference but reactions to interracial relationships can be very revealing. As long as your friend would never mind anyone she knows being in a interracial relationship then it should be ok.

My husband is white is from a place were 98% of people are white and is attracted to black women dark black women he's not keen on mixed raced ladies someone like Alica Dixons complextion dose nothing for him

I am black I like black men, Asian men and white men but have never found mixed raced guys attractive just never have

It's not about colour it's about features a manor

I love Asian skin. Always had a 'type'. People were very surprised when I met and married a pale white man JUST the right side of ginger!!

Physical attraction is odd

For example what I like in white men I don't find in attractive in black men

I like hipster type white men quite muscular however I often go for quite chubby black men and in Asian men I like long hair model like

Also my husband hates weaves

I do think it's racist. But there again i am attracted to personality rather than what a person looks like.

My ex is attractive, but he is so dull.