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AIBU?

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Original poster

For someone to say that they only find blokes from their own race attractive?

237 replies

Ubertasha2 · 29/12/2016 16:44

Hi, trying to settle an argument here:

One friend (30s) says she only 'fancies' blokes from same race as hers (white). This is her personal preference, she says she can't change how she feels and is NOT a racist. She is not a malicious person at all and is actually not an outspoken person on topics of race, religion and politics (unlike other friends of mine!).

Friend 2 says you can't only express this but you can't think it as "you are almost certainly a racist"' (if you feel like this).

Friend 3 feels that friend 3 mightn't be a racist and can feel that way, but MUST NEVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES MENTION THIS TO ANYONE etc etc in case it offends.

I kind of agree with friend 3, as I feel that you like what you like. Maybe it's a bit narrow minded to say "right, that's it, I know what I like and I'm not budging" etc etc, but as long as she doesn't share this preference with others (where she could obviously pointlessly offend someone and be labelled a racist etc etc), she's keeping a private opinion to herself, surely?

Just wanted an opinion as v uncomfortable discussion!

OP posts:
Marmalade85 · 29/12/2016 21:38

What is you're white and you only like black men or what if you're Japanese and only like white guys - doesn't make you racist.

QuandryQueen · 29/12/2016 21:39

I definetly have a type

Tall, brown hair, and have never happened to find myself attracted to anyone of a differing nationality or race to me.

Then I saw Kunal Nayyer (Raj from Big Bang) in his usual dress and thought he was bloody gorgeous.

For someone to say that they only find blokes from their own race attractive?
QuandryQueen · 29/12/2016 21:39

I definetly have a type

Tall, brown hair, and have never happened to find myself attracted to anyone of a differing nationality or race to me.

Then I saw Kunal Nayyer (Raj from Big Bang) in his usual dress and thought he was bloody gorgeous.

For someone to say that they only find blokes from their own race attractive?
showmeislands · 29/12/2016 21:39

It's not racist to simply have a sexual preference. I've never - so far - been attracted to a black man. That's not to say I never would be, but it just hasn't ever happened so far.

I recognise I have a particular preference for slim, toned men with long (has to be long) blonde hair, blue eyes and high cheekbones. I agree with the previous poster who pointed to early experience setting a 'type'. I've definitely been attracted to people well outside of this particular type but it's where my attraction is strongest. My first love aged 18 looked like this and years later, so does my husband.

Atenco · 29/12/2016 21:40

Research suggests that we are attracted to the type we grew up close to

That's interesting research, I'm almost transparent and grew up surrounded by people like me but I prefer dark men, I always reckoned it was because I had to improve the race, as my skin is a ridiculous and impractical colour.

Nataleejah · 29/12/2016 21:40

I'm white, and i prefer white guys. There some black/asian/mixed race guys that i find attractive, but there are way many more attractive white men.

Marmalade85 · 29/12/2016 21:41

My colleagues find it unusual that I find men from all different races attractive where they have a very specific type

chilledwarmth · 29/12/2016 21:44

Friend 2 and 3 are both wrong. It appears like Friend 2 doesn't know what racism actually means. Friend 1 can't help who she finds attractive it's not something she will have any control over. She isn't racist.

SarcasmMode · 29/12/2016 21:47

Eve I'm presuming you're attracted to women and teams too? As you only go for personality?

If so that's really good.

I'm mostly for personality. I have a few things I prefer but sometimes attraction builds over time.

Original poster
Ubertasha2 · 29/12/2016 21:48

Just popped back for a bit and so funny, have been discussing ginger men tonight with another friend.
Confession: I really don't fancy ginger men for some reason! Have never had that thought before it was brought up today, but..........just couldn't. I don't know why, but there you go. Have been having some odd conversations recently. And...........would never go out with a short man, sorry! I know I sound horrid saying that but that's my personal preference and I am quite tall, and overweight so we'd probably look ridiculous together anyway!

OP posts:
BakeOffBiscuits · 29/12/2016 21:49

It obviously depends in why you don't find a type attractive.

If it is rooted in some awful racist stereotype, then yes it's racist.

SarcasmMode · 29/12/2016 21:50

I couldn't go with a short man OP. But then I'm 5ft so someone around my height/shorter would seem strange.

user1477282676 · 29/12/2016 21:54

I used to say I only fancied white men. And I did...I never ever fancied a black man or a man of any other race.

Then I began watching RuPaul's Drag Race....weird...because within a few months of binge watching it, I had a crush on one of the obviously gay, black men on the show.

I thought "Hang on...I don't fancy black men!"

And I thought and thought about it and realised that the ONLY reason I hadn't fancied black men in the past was because there was a part of me that society had indoctrinated to think of them as somehow scary or dangerous.

We're bombarded with bad imagery and words in relation to black men.

Becuase RuPaul is such a frigging genius, he had succeeded in making a show which showed people at their truest...and I saw that nice black men are the same as nice white men...sensitive, feeling, ambitious....all of the positive things you look for.

I always denied it was racist to not fancy black men but now I see that I simply wasn't aware of my underlying racism...I'd NEVER have said I was racist...I was though because I'd fallen for the shit which the media feeds us.

When I got that crush on a gay black man, it was because he was non threatning....gay and a performer...since then I've been able to see all black men and men of other races as simply people.

123yourusername · 29/12/2016 21:58

I fancy white British men only. If that makes me racist so be it, but nobody can tell me who I am or aren't attracted to.

MargeryFenworthy · 29/12/2016 22:01

We all have a type! I am a black woman married to a white man - he is my type, it really is as simple as that.

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/12/2016 22:09

Since you're back OP, maybe you could clarify what your friend was actually saying. Was it, "Weird, I've never found anyone whose not white sexy. How odd." or "Since I fancy see-through ginger types, I can't see myself fancying anyone of colour" or "I would never date anyone who wasn't white, I can't fancy anyone not white". Because they are kind of different.

scottishdiem · 29/12/2016 22:13

123yourusername

White British only? How do you know they are British. How do you tell Northern Irish lads from Southern Irish ones?

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/12/2016 22:14

I fancy white British men only. That is weird. How on earth can you tell? My DH is British but has an accent. Damian Lewis in Homeland? WHat's 'British'? Passport, accent, what?

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/12/2016 22:15

Great minds @scottishdiem.

Lizzylou · 29/12/2016 22:17

I think I have always had very catholic tastes in men.
Posters on my bedroom wall growing up were Richard Gere, Morten Harket, Bobby Brown and John Barnes.
I am the same as a lot of posters in that I prefer men to be taller than me (am 5ft 9). That said, I have had mad crushes on shorter men simply because they had amazing eyes. I am a sucker for eyes.
I simply fancy who I fancy.
I have friends who prefer ginger men/tall skinny men/black men etc, I don't really have type and don't think I ever have really.

NiceCuppaTeaAndASitDown · 29/12/2016 22:21

I have only ever been with left handed men. It's not something I realise at first, but clearly I have a type and that's it! They've had nothing else in common.
Weird, yes. But I don't think it's prejudiced of me

Lizzylou · 29/12/2016 22:26

That is strange Nicecuppa, is there anything behind it? Anyone growing up lefthanded?

DH always had a type, petite, blonde curvy girls. Then he met me, brunette, tall (but curvy, more so these days). Ours was a very instant attraction as well tbh.

NiceCuppaTeaAndASitDown · 29/12/2016 22:30

Nope, nothing. I and all of my family are right handed and I would struggle to think of a single leftie that I knew growing up. I did have a thing for Richard O'Brien from crystal maze and he's a leftie but it seems a bit far fetched to be down to that.

nethunsreject · 29/12/2016 22:31

There's so much conditioning behind our sexuality and our preferences. There could be racism behind it, yes, in that the good guys, sexy guys, marriage material dudes etc etc, are so often white on screen. It's not conscious on her part but still there.
Women of colour experience a lot of fetishisation of their sexuality: guys who say "ooh I've got a thing for Asian girls" etc. It's not the compliment some seem to think...

birdybirdywoofwoof · 29/12/2016 22:36

Dh also never has a particular type- Nicole Kidman, Lisa Bonet, Natalie Portman, cindy bealefrom eastenders(?) could all make him happy. I kinda like this open mindedness.